


Darkness Rises and Light to Meet It

by FlavorofKylo



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Ben Solo has a drinking problem, Ben is 28, Ben is a Pleasure Delayer, Ben is on tour so phone sex is a must lol, Bondage, Daddy Dom Kylo Ren, Devoted Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Drama & Romance, Drug Use, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, HEA, He's not a "real" Dom, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Jealousy, Light BDSM, Loss of Virginity, Love at First Sight, Modern Setting, Mutual Masturbation, Mutual Pining, No Pregnancy, Oral Sex, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Pet Adoption, Phone Sex, Possessive Ben Solo, Recreational Drug Use, Rey is 24, Rock Star Ben Solo, Romance, Rough Sex, Semi-Public Sex, Sex Drugs and Rock and Roll, Soft Ben Solo, Spanking, Vaginal Fingering, fluffy fluff, no beta we die like men lol, slowish burn, the perils of fame
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:34:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 52,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24262915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlavorofKylo/pseuds/FlavorofKylo
Summary: Ben Solo is the lead guitarist in a hot new rock band on the rise, but his newfound fame only makes him feel more alone and depressed.....until he meets Rey.
Relationships: Finn/Rose Tico, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 130
Kudos: 394





	1. Ladies and Gentlemen: Kylo and the Knights of Ren!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work is a valentine to New York City and Rock and Roll. ❤

The Beacon Theater, New York City. Friday night.

As the echoes of the cheering crowd finally died away, Ben nudged open his dressing room door and just as quickly shut it behind him. This is where he found his solace, his escape from the madness. Leaning his back against the door, Ben took a deep breath and closed his eyes, letting the stillness and momentary peace sweep over him. He had twenty minutes to himself, and he relished every single moment.

Oh, how he’d had to fight for those twenty minutes. Snoke had done his worst to smother Ben’s insistence on the privilege, saying it would lessen his chances of making commercial connections after a show which was a “key method of marketing", blah blah blah. Ben had argued that he wasn’t a solo artist, that there were other members of the band who were NOT making that demand, and that it was unfair for Snoke to act like he was the only person that fans or anyone else would want to see immediately after a show. Snoke argued for less time, but Ben had refused to back down, and since the record had a brand, new single rising like a rocket in the charts, he had the leverage. End of story. He had originally asked for thirty minutes, but had to settle for twenty—whatever. It was in the contract.

Ben moved towards the couch and pulled out a cigarette. Just before lighting it, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror opposite. He took a deep, sodden breath at what he saw: His eyes were blank, the eyes of a man on the verge of giving up on himself. Dark circles etched beneath his eyes, skin so pale, almost sickly looking, he thought. He shook his head, wondering what his fans clamored about. They screamed for him, called him hot, gorgeous, a stud. But all he could see is a wreck of a human being.

Ben reached for the bottle of Absolut, sitting so nicely in an ice bucket on his dressing room table. That was in the contract, too: There must be a bottle of iced vodka with various accoutrements in his room before and after a show. It went right up there with the twenty minutes of privacy and the moratorium on cellphone use in the dressing room. Snoke generally sent over a bottle of champagne, but Ben rarely touched it—that was for guests.

He poured out two fingers of cold vodka into a glass, mixing in a little Vermouth and throwing in a couple of olives—a makeshift martini, he chuckled to himself. He knocked it back in a few swigs and looked around the room, eyes settling on his acoustic Fender. He went over to pick her up and settled in his chair, cradling her in his lap; his beloved lady that always understands, never questions. Oblivious to the noise and vibrant energy just outside his room, Ben closed his eyes, letting his fingers wander over her neck. He began to pluck out the chords and sing softly, his deep baritone a bit croaky after two hours of singing in front of a crowd:

"What else should I be? All apologies…what else should I say? Everyone is gay….  
What else should I write? I don’t have the right…what else should I be/All apologies….  
In the sun, in the sun I feel as one…in the sun, in the sun/I’m married…buried…"

Ben’s eyes snapped open and he sighed. “You’re no Cobain,” he muttered to himself. He grabbed the vodka bottle to pour himself another generous shot. As he slugged it back raw, a polite knock sounded on the door. Ben grimaced, eyes screwed shut.

“It’s not time yet,” he growled

“Ben…there’s someone here...she says she knows you from the studio….Rose something?”

Ben rolled his eyes and sat back, resigned to surrendering his sanctuary. Kaydel knew the rule: during his 20 minute break, family and friends only. Rose was cool, but ugh…he was just not in the mood to hang out with anyone right now….but then, when was he ever? He chugged the last of his drink, straightened his shirt and cracked the door open reluctantly. Damn, he thought. Not even a chance to do a line.

Rose appeared in the doorway, squeezing herself against the doorjamb. “Hey, buddy! That was an amazing show!” she shrieked excitedly.

“Hey, Rose.” He managed a smile. “Thanks.”

“Can we come in for a minute?” she pleaded. “I really need to get an autograph for my niece, I promised her."

“Sure, sure,” he grumbled, opening the door to let Rose in. He was about to close the door when he saw another face looming just behind her, waiting, expectant. Ben’s eyes flashed to her, then back to Rose. “Who’s this?”

“Oh, this is Rey! She’s my roommate,” Rose bubbled, pulling Rey in so Ben could shut the door. “She’s not really a fan, but I dragged her with me tonight.” Rose flashed a conspiratorial glance at Rey. “Annnnnd….she’s a photographer! I thought maybe you’d let her do a photo shoot with you….it would be great exposure for her!”

Rey practically glowed, a luminous presence somehow. Ben’s eyes lingered on Rey's—in fact, he found himself unable to take his eyes off her. For some reason, he felt a bit dazed. “Ahhh...yeah, maybe. It’s nice to meet you, Rey.”

The three of them stood there, a few feet apart, with Rose babbling on about the music, and this song, that song, but Ben didn’t hear a word. Looking into Rey’s eyes, his breath hitched and everything slowed down—his mind, usually whirring a mile a minute, suddenly blanked. All he could see was her. Rey was quiet, a bit shy, but there was a curious look in her eyes, a sort of recognition that made him feel drawn to her. No question, she was a pretty girl, but this was far beyond that; he was generally surrounded by pretty girls these days. Something about her was different. He felt drawn to her in a way that he had never felt drawn to any girl, any woman. Ben couldn’t explain it, couldn’t put a name to it; he struggled to put together a sentence and found it difficult for a moment. He swallowed hard and forced himself to return to the present..

“Would you ladies like to sit down? Have a drink?”

Rose glanced at Rey and was met with a shrug. “Sure, Ben. “

He gestured toward the couch. Rose’s eyes swept the room, landing on the bottle of chilled champagne.

“Any chance you were planning to open that?”

Ben chuckled. “Yeah, of course, Rose. Anything for you.” His gaze flashed back to Rey as he reached for the bottle, then glanced back at Rose. “You don’t happen to have a sword, do you?”

Rose shrieked with laughter. “What? Can you actually do that?”

Ben nodded. “I can indeed, mademoiselle. But since none of us is prepared, I guess I’ll have to do it the boring way." He made an exaggerated face. He held the bottle between his knees, yanked the foil off and started to twist the cork. When he glanced back at Rey, she was smiling at him, eyes shining.

“What’s that called, again?” Rey asked.

“Sabrage,” he answered coolly. He realized it was a blatant attempt to show off for Rey, and he didn't give a fuck.

Rose elbowed Rey. “Wow….and where’d you learn that?”

“Ehh, I took fencing lessons for years. “

He popped the cork and poured two glasses, handing one to Rose and offering one to Rey.

“Yes?”

Rey shrugged. “Well…I don’t drink much, but…ok, thanks.”

Rose’s eyes snapped to Rey in mild annoyance. “Dude….how often are you backstage at the Beacon theater, in a rock star’s dressing room—”

Ben held up his hand, cutting her off with a grimace. “Eeesh…no. Don’t—don’t do that.”

Rose’s eyes widened. “Well, you are, what some people, a lot of people actually, would consider a bona fide rock star….” Ben rolled his eyes at her and she snuffled. “And this is a celebration. Congrats on the success of Dark Things.” She sipped her champagne. “Damn…this is the good stuff! Aren’t you having some?”

“Yeah, why not,” he muttered. His eyes kept returning to Rey, who sat quietly, sipping her champagne, and….glowing. He felt a weird sensation in his stomach—what people sometimes call butterflies. The sensation was new to him.

“So, you’re not a fan?” he teased, eyes crinkling at Rey. She blushed a beautiful soft shade of pink, and he felt his stomach flip. God, she was freaking adorable.

“It’s not like that, it’s just….I hadn’t heard much of your music,” she murmured, “until tonight. But I did enjoy your show, very much.” She flashed her dimples at him, and his smirk softened into a genuine smile.

“Really? I’m glad…" he paused--"we made a believer out of you."

Rey noded. “I may have to actually buy the album now."

Ben’s eyes widened. He rose from his chair and walked over to a closet. He rustled around inside for a moment, then returned with two CDs. He handed one to Rey.

“Well…now you don’t have to.”

He started to hand one to Rose, then retrieved his hand. “Oh, that’s right-- you’ve already got it, don’t you?” he chuckled.

“I have a demo!! But I would love one of those, and if you sign it, my niece will adore me forever.”

Ben sighed. “Sure, no problem.” He pulled a marker from his pocket and signed it— _With Love, from Kylo_ \-- before handing it back to Rose. He cocked his head at Rey. “Shall I sign yours as well?”

Rey shrugged and handed it to him. Ben glanced at her for a few moments, then quirked his brow before taking the marker to her CD. It took him longer this time, and he bit his lip as he handed it back to her. Rey held the CD up, reading it.

“Well, thanks. Umm…what’s this?”

He blinked. “My phone number.”

Rose’s eyes bulged and her mouth gaped. _Oh, SNAP_ , she mouthed to Rey. Ben was so fixated on Rey he didn’t even notice. Rey flashed Rose a warning look and she pursed her lips together.

The telltale knock on the door again.

“Go to hell,” Ben called out genially. Rey giggled at that and Ben smiled. Kaydel edged it open and glared at him.

“There’s someone here Snoke wants you to talk to.”

“Kay, my love, could you give a few more minutes to finish our champagne?” he bristled.

“Five minutes,” she snapped, closing the door.

“Damnit,” Ben muttered. “My time is almost up, ladies, unfortunately. Have to deal with the masses.” He rolled his eyes.

“We get it, Solo,” Rose smiled. “Thanks for the CD. And the champers.” She reached out and gave him a little hug; his eyes stayed on Rey the whole time.

“Okay. See you soon. You too, Rey?” His eyebrows lifted.

Rey flushed again, flashing another shy smile at him. “Umm….yeah, maybe. Thanks again," she murmured, following Rose out of the room.

Kaydel stood impatiently in the doorway. “Ready now?”

He barely registered her, then nodded. He sat motionless for another thirty seconds. _I'll see her_ _again. Even if I have to move heaven and Earth to do it._

___________________________________

Rose and Rey drifted out of the theatre onto Broadway, there the post concert crowd was still lingering.

“How about we go somewhere for a drink? It’s such a great night, and it's Friday,” Rose prodded. “There’s a new bar a few blocks away on Amsterdam, let's go check it out.”

"Sure, why not?”

They drifted up Broadway toward 74th Street and into the warm, New York City evening. It was the heart of a Friday night in May, and the city lights were beckoning. It was all still so new to Rey and she couldn’t help but be a little awed by it. Nothing like her hometown in Oklahoma. Rey was quieter than usual, thinking about him. Ben.

“Why did you call him Ben? I thought he was called Kylo.”

“Kylo is his stage name,” Rose explained. “Which reminds me…” she pulled out her phone and snapped a quick photo of the marquee: KYLO and THE KNIGHTS OF REN - SOLD OUT. She grinned. “My niece will love this. She wanted to come but her mom thinks she’s too young to go to a concert. “ She shrugged. “Soooo, what did you think of him?” Rose nudged.

“Well, he's a charmer, that's for sure. And cute, I guess,” Rey murmured.

“You guess?” Rey guffawed “Really? That’s all your gonna give me? Because that boy is clearly way into you, and just for the record, he is way beyond cute, okay? Did you not happen to notice those hypnotic dark eyes? That smile? And…the football player body? Geez…” Rose huffed. “I mean, he’s not even really my type, but still-- I wouldn’t kick him out of bed.”

Rey wrinkled her nose. “Rose!!”

Rose giggled. “Hey, I’m just being honest. But he clearly has no interest in me anyway. Once he saw you, it was like I wasn’t even in the room.”

“That’s not true,” Rey muttered, but even with the words on her lips, she thought to herself—she’s right. And she’d found herself just as drawn to him, even if she’d done a better job of hiding it.

Rose continued, “I can’t believe he actually gave you his phone number. I don’t know if you realize this, but that’s not something that guys in a band do. At least not guys in a band with a top single on the charts.” She arched an eyebrow at Rey.

"Well, what do you want me to do about it?”

“Call him, dummy!” Rose blurted, “Talk to him. Maybe he’ll take you out somewhere. I know their itinerary, he’s in New York until Sunday.”

"He probably has a girlfriend,” Rey muttered. “Or a wife.”

“Rey—he doesn’t. I’m telling you, call him.”

“I can’t,” Rey said.

“Why the fuck not?”

“I just—I don’t do things like that,” Rey shook her head.

“Things like what? Go out on dates? Look, he obviously gave you his number because he didn’t want to ask for yours. I say give him a chance. He’s a good guy, Rey. I got to know while they were recording, and they’re all cool. I mean, he…may have some issues, but—”

"What kind of issues?” Rey’s eyes snapped to Rose.

“Oh, you know….like substance abuse issues…but it comes with the territory.”

“Substance abuse? Like what, he’s a junkie?”

"Rey---no, come on. He does drink quite a bit, though.”

Rey flashed an icy glare at her friend.

“Rey, I wouldn’t be saying this if I thought he wasn’t worth it. Just talk to him, maybe go out with him once. Then you can make up your own mind. How long has it been since you’ve gone out on an actual date?”

“I don’t know. Is this the place?” Rey stopped as they approached Tessa. It looked fairly packed.

“Don’t change the subject, Rey. We need to work on your social life.”

“I have a better idea,” Rey said, taking Rose’s arm and leading her into the restaurant. “How about you buy me a drink and convince me why I should go out with Ben Solo.”

“That sounds good, except I think you should buy,” Rose said. “I’m doing you a favor.”

An hour and a half and two rounds later, they were still discussing Ben and the band. Rose told Rey all about him—how he’d struggled with depression, his favorite bands.

"Can we talk about something else, please?"

“Why are you pushing back so hard on this?”

“Why are you pushing me?”

“Maybe because I know what I would do if I was ever in your position. At least give him a chance, Rey! And you know that if you don’t call him, he’s gonna call me and ask for your number. Are you okay with me giving it?”

“You don’t know what he’s going to do,” Rey barked.

Rose snorted. “I saw the look in that boy’s eyes. Just say you’re okay with me giving him your number and we’ll drop it. If he doesn’t ask, he doesn’t ask. Okay?”

“God, you’re a pain in the ass,” Rey sniffed.

“Well…there’s another option,” Rose grinned, fully tipsy. “I could call him and invite him to your show!”

Rey hesitated. "I'll think about it."

“Come on, Rey, it’s perfect! You don’t want to stay a virgin for the rest of your life, do you?”

Rey shot her a dirty look, shocked that Rose would actually say that out loud--and in public. “I’m not…”she lowered her voice, “I’m not a virgin, technically.”

Rose rolled her eyes. “Whatever, babe.”

Rey eyed her friend suspiciously. “Don’t you dare go and call him behind my back, Rose.”

Rose shrugged, “Okay, okay. You win."


	2. Come As You Are

The Mercer Hotel – Soho, New York City. Sunday morning.

It was approaching noon Sunday, and Ben was pacing his suite. His packed suitcase sat on the bed, abandoned breakfast tray and the remains of a Bloody Mary sat on the table. He glanced at his watch again; he needed to be at JFK in two hours or he’d miss his flight. He sighed heavily, disappointed. She still hadn’t called.

Since Friday night, after he’d given Rey his number—something he never did, at least not since the KOR became a band--every time his phone rang, or a text popped up, he snatched up his phone, hoping it would be her. He wanted to hear her sweet, shy voice on the other end of the line, or at least get a text from her. But so far, nothing. And today he had to leave the city, and who knows when he’d be able to get back to New York?

Maybe he’d misread her. He’d had the sense that she’d felt it too, whatever it was that was drawing him to her. Maybe he’d just imagined it, but he didn't think so.

Frowning, he drained the Bloody Mary and sat thinking. He knew what he had to do. At least, he had to try.

Ben grabbed two mini bottles of Ketel One and a small bottle of OJ from the minibar. He picked up his phone, put it on speaker and dialed Rose’s number. Waiting for it to ring, he unscrewed the top of the first bottle and knocked it back in one gulp. He was just opening the OJ bottle when he heard Rose pick up.

“Hey, ROCK STAR!! What going on?” She sounded chirpy and cheerful to hear his voice, but Rose was usually cheerful.

“Hi….and don’t call me that, Rose. You know better.”

“Okay, okay,” her laugh sounded tinny through the speaker. “Ya know, I was actually expecting you to call….” He thought he could hear her grinning on the other side.

“What? Really? Why, is she with you?” his pulse quickened at the thought.

“She who?” Rose teased.

“Rose—”

“No, Ben. Rey is not here. But since she didn’t call you, I was fully expecting you to call me, and I told her as much.”

“Well, great! So she does she want to see me…? Why wouldn’t she call?”

“Ben, it’s like this. Rey is different from the girls you’re used to meeting. She’s shy. She’s not a party girl, she really doesn’t go out much… “

Waiting for her to continue, Ben unscrewed the top of the second bottle. “—Yeah? I…got that impression.” Truth be told, it was part of what he liked about her. “So what are you telling me?”

“I’m saying, proceed with caution, dude. Move slowly. And…. I can’t give you her number, much as I’d like to, but… I will share this with you: she has a show coming up in three weeks. It’s her and two other artists at a small gallery downtown. You can just show up.”

“Yeah? What’s the date?” He started scrolling through his itinerary to see where he’d be on the 18th. No show that night, but he’d have to fly in from Chicago.

“She’ll be glad to see you, trust me. I won’t say anything,” Rose promised. “It’ll be a surprise.”

Ben nodded, feeling that excited fluttering in his stomach again. “I’ll make it happen,” he said. “Just text me all the information. Thanks, Rose. You absolutely made my day! I owe you a big one.”

“You can invite me to the wedding,” Rose chortled before hanging up.

By the time he hung up, Ben’s mood had completely turned around. Three weeks. He’d see her again in three weeks.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thursday, June 18th  
Clayton Gallery and Outlaw Art Museum presents: Up and Coming New Artist Night  
Featuring:  
Jyn Erso – Paintings and drawings  
Finn Murphy – Sculpture  
Rey Niima – Photography

“Do we have everything? Poe, bring out another case of white wine from the back, would you?” Amilyn called, fluttering about like a hummingbird. She was always a bundle of nervous energy right before a show.

“Sure thing, Captain,” Poe muttered under his breath.

Rey didn’t know what to do with herself either. It was her first show, and you never knew who might show up to these things. She stood in the corner, biting her lip, wondering where Rose was. Her phone buzzed and she fished it out of her pocket. It was a text from Rose.

Rose: I had a hellish time getting a cab, but I’ll be there in a few.

Rey: About time. I was wondering. Do you have telepathy or something?

Rey tucked her phone back in her jacket pocket and smoothed her hands over her black silk jacket. She didn’t usually wear such fancy clothes, but she’d made an effort tonight. She’d even worn heels, despite the fact that she felt like a new fawn learning to walk in them.

Why would she think it might be him? She hadn’t given him her number. Still…a completely irrational spark of hope had bubbled up inside her at the thought that, somehow, he might be texting her. Stop it, she told herself. Focus.

Poe scrambled out with another case of wine and helped Amilyn unpack the bottles and set them out on the table. The spread was already laid out, and it looked damn good: various types of d’oeuvres and cheeses from Dean and DeLuca, along with the customary selection of red and white wines and bottles of mineral water.

Looking at the food, Rey suddenly realized she was hungry. She startled a bit when she felt someone walk up and squeeze her hand, and she looked up.

“Hey, buddy!” Rose hugged her. “This is so exciting!” Rose was almost giddy, and for a moment, Rey thought she was even more excited than Rey herself. “You okay?”

“Yeah…just nervous. I’m thinking I could use a glass of wine.”

“Oh yeah,” Rose glanced around at the gorgeous spread. “There’s a lot, that’s good…” her mind flashed to Ben but no way was she going to spoil the surprise. Her eyes flicked back to Rey. “You look so pretty,” she smiled.

“Yeah?” Rey wrinkled her nose. In addition to the summer dress and heels, she was actually rocking full makeup tonight, something she almost never did. “I keep wanting to rub my face,” she chuckled.

“Nooo….don’t, you’ll ruin it, Rey,” Rose said, beaming at her friend. She couldn’t wait to see her face when Ben walked through the door. That would be the best part of the entire evening, and she was a little proud of herself for being able to keep a lid on the secret for the past few weeks.

Rey frowned at her a bit. “Why are you so excited? Is there something you’re not telling me?”

Rose widened her eyes and stuttered, “No! What do you mean?”

Rey felt a burning in the center of her gut. She knew Rose all too well. “You invited him, didn’t you?”

“What are you talking about? You said not to call him, and I did not call him," Rose protested, doing an awful job of hiding her guilt.

Rey’s eyes widened and she felt a combination of anxiety and excitement wash over her.

“Rose, you’re a horrible actress. You told him, I know.”

Before Rose could protest further, Amilyn gravitated to the center of the room to get everyone in their places.

“Okay, it’s seven o’clock guys…. Our event has officially begun!” Cheers flooded the room as Amilyn smiled widely. “I want to thank all of you for your hard work and discipline in getting us ready for this showing.” She beamed at Poe, and he all but blushed. “The bar is now open, guys, but please don’t touch the food yet, and do avoid getting sloppy, okay? We have a long night ahead.” She raised a glass of red wine, and they surged toward the table.

Rey leaned over to Rose. “Tell me, did you do it?"

Rose steered her right to the line. “Let’s get you a glass of wine, shall we?”

Suddenly Rey spied Finn, one of the other artists, in line in front of them, and momentarily forgot to stop harassing Rose. She tugged at his sleeve. “Finn! I love your installation,” she cooed.

Finn turned and smiled brightly at her. “Hey! Thanks, Rey! I hope it goes over well. Your work is great too,” he murmured. “Red or white?”

“Red, please. Finn…this is my friend, Rose,” Rey said. “She’s way into modern sculpture.”

Rose’s eyes flashed to Finn, back to Rey, and then on Finn again as he handed her a generous glass of Malbec. He was a good-looking guy, and still single, Rey knew.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Rose,” he grinned. “Red or white?”

Rey chuckled and gently extricated herself from them. She moved over to the wall with one of her photos on display. It was one of her favorites: a black and white of an old woman with deep wrinkles, smiling. It always made her think about what kind of life the woman had lived. She looked at it almost like a piece of work she’d never seen before and took at sip of her wine—not bad.

She moved down to the next piece, one by Jyn. Rey was familiar with all the works in the showing by now, but tonight, she tried looking at them as an outsider might. Suddenly, she felt a presence looming just behind her, making the hair on the back of her neck stand up. She forced herself to still, taking a deep breath.

“I kind of like this one, don’t you?” a deep voice rumbled, inches away from her ear. She felt his warm breath tickle her cheek and her heart leapt into her throat. She turned around slowly to meet his dark liquid gaze.

Ben.

God…he looked so handsome. In a plain white t-shit with jeans and black suit jacket, his hair ruffled but somehow perfectly so, was Ben Solo—smiling at her. His lips were full and soft, almost juicy, and the look in his eyes, well…it made her stomach flip over and her insides clench.

“Hi,” he said. Stars, the smile on his face; it was a smile that said he knew her, that he knew she’d been thinking about him these past few weeks, even though she was way too chickenshit to call. It was a smile that said he knew what she wanted and that he wanted the same thing.

“Hi yourself,” Rey breathed.

They were both standing there, locked in a knowing silence, when Rose drifted over.

“Hey, Ben! What are you doing here?” she squeaked. Finn was at her side.

"Hi, Rose," Ben laughed softly. Rey shot Rose a look that said, You are so busted, but she was flushed and smiling so Rose knew she was forgiven. Rose shrugged and giddily dragged Finn away. “Come on, Finn, let’s go look at some art,” she grinned.

“Isn’t that Kylo Ren?” Finn asked as he was dragged away. “How does he know Rey?"

Rey and Ben both laughed softly at that. Ben’s eyes skimmed down Rey’s body appreciatively.

“You look good enough to eat,” he murmured, licking his lips.

“Thanks,” she blushed. “I’m not used to wearing heels. It feels awkward.”

“You look like you're handling them pretty well,” he said. “I flew in all the way from Chicago just to see your work. No--actually that’s a lie. I came to see you.” He held out an open palm to her, waiting for her to take it. “So now that I’m here, how about you show me some of your stuff?”

Rey's eyes lit up and she took his hand. “Okay. Follow me.”

Ben felt like he had just won the lottery.


	3. Can't Keep My Hands to Myself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was thinking this would be more of Slow Burn but it's really not since they only met once before. It's more an instant recognition of one's soulmate. When you know, you know..

Clayton Gallery, Soho, New York. Thursday Night.

Ben and Rey wandered around the small gallery for more than an hour, talking about art and life. Ben had a couple of glasses of wine but managed to reign himself in a bit, trying not to drink too fast and following Rey’s example. It wasn't difficult; he didn’t feel much of a need for alcohol tonight. He was drunk on her smile, her beauty, her lilting laugh. He followed closely behind her, listening intently as she talked about her work and getting completely caught up in the music of her voice. Ben was recognized a few times, but In Manhattan, most people were very cool when they saw celebrities, and did not approach or bother them. He was glad of that, so he could keep his attention completely fixed on Rey. When she raised a hand to fluff her hair, Ben noticed the graceful curve of her fingers, the sharp, clean angle of her jaw... and he thought about kissing along the line of it, and down her neck. He wondered how she would respond if he circled one of her sweet little nipples with his tongue and sucked it into his mouth ...

“Ben?”

"Hmmm?" he snapped out of his erotic reverie, realizing that she’d said something and he’d missed it. “Sorry. I got lost there for a sec.”

“What do you think of this?”

They were standing in front of one of Jyn’s paintings. He didn’t really know what to say; as far as modern, minimalist art went, he really didn’t understand it at all. He shrugged. “It’s….nice,” he mumbled. “I don’t know. I don’t really….get this kind of art.”

“Yeah…” Rey nodded. “I’ve heard so many people say that. It’s not really my thing either," she grinned.

“I love your photos, though. Can you show me some more?”

Rey beamed and led him to the last of her pieces up on display. It was a cityscape, showing the area near Brooklyn bridge. “This is one of my favorites,” she said. “I took this the first week I came to New York.”

“Did you?” he asked. “When was that?”

“Almost a year ago,” she murmured. “I almost forgot it had been that long.”

“Are you planning to stay indefinitely?”

“Yes,” she said without hesitation. “I fell in love with this city right after I got here. The energy…”

Ben’s eyes moved down from her eyes to her lips, and he felt himself shiver. He really wanted to kiss her, and that wasn't all.

“Can…we go outside for a minute? I need some air,” Ben offered.

“Uhh…sure, yeah—we can do that.”

They walked outside into the warm evening air and stood just beyond the gallery entrance. Ben’s limo sat parked not far away, and he nodded to his driver.

Rey looked over at Ben curiously. He didn’t say anything, just looked back at her, hands in his pockets, his eyes wide and lips parted.

“Did you—did you want to smoke, or something?” she started, when he suddenly closed the distance between them and covered her mouth with his. Rey felt her breath knocked out of her for a moment before melting into the kiss. Ben’s tongue pushed against her lower lip, asking for entrance and she let him in. His lips were insistent yet gentle, and Rey heard a little whimper rise up from her throat. Ben pressed against her tighter, and she felt him shudder. He pulled back to look at her, eyes full of wanting. Rey’s eyes were half-closed, her face flushed with desire.

“Can I tell you a secret?” Ben said, his breath a little jagged.

Rey nodded.

“I’ve been wanting to do that since the night I met you. I’ve been thinking about you, pretty much nonstop. Was hoping you would call.”

“I wanted to,” she murmured.

“Why didn’t you?”

“I’m sorry, I’m just not….” She shook her head. “I’m not good at stuff like this. I get—nervous.”

“It’s fine. We can take it step by step. If you want to…”

_Please say you want to please say you want to._

“I do. I…want to get to know you better,” she said. “God, that sounds so cheesy!” she shook her head and scowled, which Ben found ridiculously adorable.

“No,” he said softly. “It sounds great to me.”

They wandered the area for a good thirty minutes, hand in hand. Ben’s limo driver trailed about a block behind, respecting their privacy. Rey told him all about her first week in New York, how she’d fallen in love with the people—their energy, their honesty. While he listened to her, all Ben could think about was how much he wanted to hold her in his arms.

The air around them felt electric. They had lost track of where they were, and how far they had walked. Neither one really cared.

“Oh shit,” Rey said. “We’re lost.” She laughed loudly then, and Ben grinned, loving the sound, loving the way she looked—so happy, so carefree.  
“Not really,” he said, gesturing over his shoulder toward the limo. Rey had no idea the car was even there, and her face lit up. “ But honestly, I wouldn’t care if we were.”

He squeezed her hand, and Rey nodded. She felt safe with him. And she couldn’t remember feeling this happy and hopeful, ever.

“If you could go anywhere right now, where would you go?” Ben asked, suddenly serious.

“  
Uhh, Paris?” she chuckled. “Or…maybe Alaska?”

Ben’s eyebrows lifted. “Paris? That could be arranged. I do like Paris,” he mused. “Alaska would be a bit trickier.”

Rey clucked her tongue. “Oh, come on, are you saying you could get a plane to fly us to Paris tonight, just like that?”

He tilted his head at her, smirking sweetly.  
“I could,” he said. “If you really wanted to. I’d have to be back in Chicago by tomorrow night for a show, though. But it’s doable.”

Rey’s practical side rushed back to take control again. “Ben…” she laughed breathily. “That sounds incredible, but I do have to work tomorrow.”

He shrugged. “Call in sick….?”

She stared at him for a moment, his eyes daring her.

“I think Paris will have to wait til another time."

Ben smirked, thrilled to know that there would be another time. They walked a little further when he suddenly realized where they were.

“Hey, check it out,” he pointed with his chin to a park up ahead. “Washington Square Park. We’re right by NYU. I haven’t been here in a dog’s age.”

“You know the city pretty well, don’t you?” Rey asked.

“Yeah, well I went to NYU and I grew up in Manhattan. My mom still lives here, on the upper East side." His eyes bore into her. “ I’m thinking of getting a place here again. You think that’s a good idea?” he asked, hoping she would follow the implication.

Rey looked up at him with a mixture of anxiety and yearning. “Yeah. Sounds good. But look, I think we should get back to the gallery. Rose will wonder where I went, and I don’t—”

Without hesitation, Ben nodded, walking to the corner where he could spot his limo. He lifted his hand up slightly, and the limo glided up to them almost soundlessly. He opened the door for her with an exaggerated bow.

“Your chariot, my lady.”

____________________________________________________

By the time they returned to the gallery, it was almost 10 and the show was just about over. The steady flow of visitors had ebbed, and the gallery had quieted down considerably. Rey was surprised to see Rose outside, about to get into a cab.

“I’m sorry, we just decided to take a walk and lost track of time,” she said.

Rose looked back at her friend with genuine affection. “There’s nothing to apologize for, Rey. I'm so glad you guys spent some time together. In fact, why are you back so soon?” she laughed.

“I’m heading home. Finn is lovely, but I have work tomorrow, so no hanging out for me. I’ll see you when…..you get home, whenever that is. Oh…by the way, Finn really wanted to get an autograph.” Rose winked and got into the cab.

Ben stood just off to the side, watching her say good-bye to Rose and some of the staff. Rey looked over at him.

“I’m sorry I wanted to rush back,” she said, eyeing Finn and Poe as they drifted outside. She watched Poe light a cigarette and Finn glanced over at Rey.

“It’s fine. Are you hungry?”

Remembering that all she’d had to eat since early afternoon was a few hors d’oeuvres, Rey nodded. “Yeah…I am. Could you do something for me first?"

Ben smiled. "For you, anything."

Rey beckoned Finn over, and Poe trailed behind. "FInn, I thought you'd like to say hi. Ben, this is Finn....and Poe."

Eyes like saucers, Finn stretched out his hand toward Ben. "Wow, Kylo....I mean Ben, great job on the new album! I'm a big fan," he gushed.

Poe chimed in, "Yeah...great job."

"Thanks, guys. Well, I wouldn't be here if it weren't for the fans," Ben said humbly.

"Can we get a picture?" Finn asked excitedly.

Ben agreed and they spent several minutes snapping photos. Finn asked him to sign his copy of the Gallery Program, and Poe had him sign his forearm.

Rey chirped, "Ben and I are going to go get some food, do you guys want to come along? Maybe Amilyn would want to come, too?"

"I think she's gonna be in there awhile, cleaning up, and I'm gonna help. You know how she is," Poe said.

Good, Ben thought. He really just wanted to spend more time with Rey, _alone._

"Okay, well, Finn? Do you want to join us?"

Finn looked at Ben, who quirked an eyebrow up, and a subtle but unmistakable message was exchanged between the two of them. Finn realized it was not a good idea.

"No--thanks, Rey. I've got to get home. We had a great night, though."

"We did, didn't we?" she grinned, and leaned over to kiss Finn on the cheek. Neither one of them saw it, but a darkness flashed over Ben's face as he watched.

"It was great meeting you Ben," Finn smiled again. Ben nodded. "You too, man."

"We can drop you at the subway," Rey offered. Finn shook his head, noting the shift in Ben's demeanor. "No, I'm good. I need the walk. Goodnight, guys!"

Rey looked back at Ben and he smiled. "I guess it's just the two of us. Where to?"


	4. The Shadow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word of warning: It's about to get a little darker and a whole lot STEAMIER up in here.

Union Square Café, New York City. Thursday 10:24pm.

“This is where we’re going? I thought most restaurants closed their kitchens at ten,” Rey said.

Ben shrugged. “Yeah, well Danny and I go back a few years. I always try to drop in when I’m in New York.”

“Danny?”

“Meyer,” he said, rolling his tongue around in his cheek. “He’s the owner.” Rey nodded; she knew she’d heard the name before, and that he was some hotshot restauranteur. “He’s not here tonight, but I texted him.”

Howie dropped them off right in front and Ben and Rey sauntered into the café. At this hour, there was virtually no food traffic—everyone else was leaving.  
There was still a small group of people in the lounge area, but it was fairly dark and laid back. Ben led them to a lounge table by the window.

“We can get a drink first and then we’ll order, okay? Order me a double vodka tonic and whatever you want. I’ll be right back.”

Rey watched as he sauntered over to the kitchen area and greeted a tall man with salt-and-pepper hair. They stood chatting for a few minutes. A waitress came to the table and smiled at Rey. She was pretty, with long black hair. “What can I get for you, hon?”

Rey ordered a glass of Pinot Noir for herself and Ben’s double V&T. She glanced around the room, checking out the atmosphere. Ben had disappeared somewhere, probably to the men’s room, she thought. She decided to look over the menu.

At the end of the bar, an older man was sitting alone with his drink. He happened to notice her sitting alone. He rose and made his way to her table.

“Hello, “he smiled.

Rey looked up, surprised. The man appeared to be quite a bit older than her, but he was not unattractive.

“Can I buy you a drink?” he smiled.

“Oh…no, thank you, I’m here with someone.”

Right…of course,” he said. “Of course, a lovely woman like you. Well, he’s a very lucky man.”

Just then, Rey noticed Ben over the man’s shoulder, walking back to the table. He did not look pleased.

“Can I help you?” Ben growled to the stranger. The poor guy was completely taken off guard. “I’m sorry, I was just leaving ….” Then recognition flickered across his face and his whole demeanor changed. “You’re—you’re Kylo Ren! You are, aren’t you?”

Ben’s eyes slid over to Rey, then back to the stranger and he nodded. The stranger immediately backed off. “I love your music,” he stuttered. “I’m so sorry to disturb you. Sorry, miss.” With a final nod, he turned on his heel and sped out of the restaurant.

Ben sat down at the table, a dark look on his face.

“Well, that was interesting,” Rey said.

Before he could respond, the waitress returned with their drinks. Her face lit up as soon as she saw Ben.

“Look who’s here! Benny!” she cooed.

“Hey, Sandy, how are you?”

She leaned in to kiss his cheek and they chatted for a couple of minutes while Rey sat back and watched, twisting her mouth in displeasure. Now, It was her turn to be jealous.

“Sandy, this is Rey,” Ben said, eyes sparkling.

Rey smiled and nodded. She picked up her wine and took a big sip, watching the conversation between Ben and Sandy continue for a little longer, quietly seething. She was surprised at herself. She didn’t have any claim on Ben Solo, so why did she suddenly feel so possessive over him?

When Sandy was gone, Ben picked up his drink, smirking a bit. “So what was that about?”

Rey furrowed her brow. “What—that guy? I have no idea,” she said.

He nodded slowly, eyes fixed on hers.

“I could ask you the same thing,” Rey retorted.

“Sandy’s worked here for years. She’s cool. There’s never been anything between us, though, if that’s what you’re implying.” He looked smug, and it annoyed her.

“If you say so,” Rey said, brow quirking up at him.

“That must happen to you all the time, huh?” he muttered. “Anytime you go out.”

“Ben, I told you. I really don’t go out that much, and—” she stopped.

Ben’s eyes locked on hers and he drained his drink. “Good. You should be careful when you do. Most guys are assholes—I don’t want anyone trying to take advantage of you.”

She cut him off. “Ben, I’m twenty-four years old.”

He lifted his chin, eyeing her defiantly. “You’re innocent, though,” he said.

“How could you possibly know that?” Rey chuckled, irritation in her voice.

His dark eyes probed hers. “I just know,” he said simply.

As she stared back, his throat bobbed. He held out a hand to her, like he had done earlier. She hesitated, then took it.

Ben massaged her fingers gently in his warm palm, his eyes never breaking contact with hers. Slowly, he brought her hand up to his lips and placed gentle kisses on her wrist, her thumb. Rey watched as he pressed the pad of her thumb to his lips and then sucked on it gently.

Rey’s whole body responded. Something like liquid lightning flowed through her, and she felt herself getting wet.  
The spell was broken when a waiter arrived at the table to take their order. Ben ordered more drinks and a small pizza for them to share.  
When he left, Rey said: “I want to ask you a question.”

“Anything.”

“Where does Kylo Ren come from? Why not just use your real name?”

Ben nodded. “Kylo is the embodiment of my Shadow.”

Rey’s eyebrows lifted. “Your Shadow?”

“Did you ever read any Carl Jung?”

“He’s the guy that wrote about the anima and animus, right?”

“That’s part of it,” he said. “Modern psychology is heavily based on his ideas—well, his and Freud’s, but if you ask me, Freud was a crackpot.”  
Rey chuckled at that, and he continued. “Jung said the Shadow is basically the dark side of a person’s nature. Most of us don’t want to acknowledge it because it brings up all kinds of disturbing things that are actually part of us.” He paused, a small smile forming on his lips. “We ALL have a dark side, Rey. Even you.”

Rey digested this for a moment. “I’m sure that’s true.”

He sipped his drink. “That’s a place to start,” he said.

“What does that mean?”

“It means that I am hoping that you’re not going to run away. That this—” he gestured between the two of them—“can really become something. It’s hard to explain, but I feel like we’re connected in some way.”

Rey’s eyes held his. “I know. I feel it too.”

Ben caught his breath: he’d been right all along. He leaned in closer. “Will you stay with me tonight Rey?”

Rey didn't do this kind of thing; she'd never felt right about it. But it took her only a fraction of a second to decide.

She stared back at him with a small smile. “Yes.”

Ben’s face lit up like Christmas morning.

Not ten minutes later, Rey and Ben were in the limo on the way downtown to his hotel. The pizza box sat on the front seat and they sat in back, Ben undressing her with his eyes. Rey wondered why he didn’t make a move then; she had the sense that he was holding back and it only raised her anticipation. His hand did wander up her thigh, pushing the hem of her dress up her knee. He planted his warm palm there, squeezing, before he leaned in for a blistering kiss.

When they arrived, he led her quickly through the lobby and into the elevator. He was still holding back, and Rey was both surprised and more than a little tremulous. She had no idea what to expect.

They entered a gorgeous suite, easily twice the side of any hotel room Rey had ever seen and far more luxurious. He stroked her hair and just looked at her for a moment.

“Have you ever made love with anyone, Rey?”

“I… I’ve fooled around a little but….” She shook her head. He nodded.

“I want to try something with you, but I need you to trust me. Do you?” His voice was hypnotic.

"Yes."

“Good. I want you to listen to what I tell you and follow instructions—no questions. If anything feels bad or wrong to you, I want you to say the word “red” and I’ll stop. Will you do that for me?"

Rey swallowed hard. “Yes.”

“Good girl.” He leaned over to kiss her again, very softly, his tongue brushing her lower lip. “One more thing. While we’re in here, call me Kylo.”

Rey paused. Hadn’t he just told her that Kylo was the _dark_ side of his personality?

“Go sit on the edge of the bed,” he whispered.

She was about to speak but she caught herself first and walked over to the bed on shaky legs. Ben did not follow but moved to sit in an armchair nearby. She looked at him, puzzled, but kept her mouth shut.

“Raise the hem of your skirt up to your hips and take off your panties.”

Rey did exactly what he said. “Good girl. Spread your legs for me. Let me see your pretty pussy.”

Rey flushed, her heart racing. It was all so new and strange, and the way he looked at her like he wanted to devour her made her even wetter. But Ben didn’t seem to be in any hurry. She wondered when he was going to touch her.

Ben reached for a pack of cigarettes on the table and lit one. His eyes skimmed her body, resting on the place between her legs where she was aching for him.  
He blew out a languid breath of smoke, just watching her.

“Spread your legs wider…good girl. Touch yourself for me.”

Rey had never done anything like this before. It was terrifying, it was strange, it was…thrilling.

“Time out,” she breathed.

Ben looked at her with eyebrows raised, amused. There was a small smile on his lips. "Yes?”

“You’re not…. aren’t you going to touch me?”

Laughter rumbled deep in his chest. “Easy, my love. We’re just getting warmed up.” He smiled at her indulgently. “Anything else?”

“Yes….you’re not….you’re not going to hurt me, right?”

He leaned his head back against the wall and released a puff of smoke. “Come on, Rey. I said if you don’t like something I’m doing, then you'll say the safe word….and I’ll stop. I promise. Is that clear?”

Rey nodded, “Yes, but—"

“It’s your first time, Rey. I want this to be a good experience for you. No more questions,” he growled. “Show me how you touch yourself late at night in your bed.”

Rey trailed her fingers over her labia, letting her thumb brush against her clit. She started to stroke gently and a soft moan drifted out of her.  
Ben was leaning forward, eyes hooded; he licked his lips. She could see the line of his erection through his jeans.

“God, you’re so beautiful like this,” he breathed.

Rey kept circling her clit under his gaze. Ben unbuttoned his shirt and cast it on the floor, eyes never leaving Rey. He stood and moved towards her slowly, stopping just in front of her spread legs. She stopped touching herself and looked up at him.

“Take off my belt, Little One.” He waited patiently while she did it. “Unzip me.” Rey was both anxious and excited as she tugged his zipper down and helped slide his jeans to the floor, leaving him in only his boxers.

“Lie back... I need to taste you.”

She slid all the way back on the bed and lay down. Ben crawled between her legs, crushing his mouth to hers again before moving slowly back downwards, kissing her pert little nipples until they were rock hard, ticking her belly button with his tongue, making her squirm. He nudged her knees apart further and started to kiss her inner thigh. Rey felt a pleasant clenching deep inside and tried to keep still for him. She closed her eyes, waiting for his mouth to make contact with her clit, when he stopped, and her eyes snapped open.

“Keep you eyes on me,” he smirked. “Are you okay so far, my love?”

“Yes," she panted.

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, Kylo,” she murmured, eager for him to continue.

“Good girl.”

Rey watched as he dove nto her pussy, giving slow, languorous licks, circling her clit but not quite touching it. She heard a small moan escape her lips and tried to stifle it. When he finally covered her glistening jewel with his soft lips, she gasped out his name. That seemed to spur him on, and he sucked harder. Rey could already feel herself throbbing, climbing to her peak, and when he slid one finger inside her and started to pump slowly, she felt herself crashing over the edge. He didn’t let up until she stopped shaking and was lying still, limbless and blissfully relaxed.

She didn’t think she’d ever come that fast—or that hard—before.

He sat up and looked at her, eyes still clouded with lust.

“Well, that was fast,” he teased.

“I couldn’t help it. It’s never felt like that before.”

He looked at her affectionately and kissed her so she could taste herself on his tongue. When he sat up, Rey reached for his hard cock, tenting in his boxers. She slipped her hand inside to stroke him and he groaned. She tugged his boxers down over his hips and gaped when she saw the size of him. Rey wondered if it would hurt, but wasn't really worried. She trusted him.

“Are we gonna have sex now?” she asked.

He chuckled, stroking her cheek. “Slow down, Rey. We have all night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Please remember to leave a comment to let me know you think--kudos are nice, too! ;)


	5. Surrender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben's got it bad.

“I’d gladly lose me to find you  
I’d gladly give up all I had  
To find you, I’d suffer anything and be glad  
I’d pay any price just to get you  
I’d work all my life and I will  
To win you, I’d stand naked, stoned and stabbed  
I’d call that a bargain, the best I ever had  
The best I ever had."

*

Ben was lying beside Rey, propped up on one elbow, while his other hand teased her nipples. He took his time, rolling them slowly between calloused fingers, one at a time as Rey squirmed and moaned under his touch. He loved watching her like this, loved seeing her caught up in pleasure. He relished every sound she made, the way her eyelids fluttered, the rosy flush kissing her cheeks. He watched the rise and fall of her torso, breaths coming quicker, until she was panting—he wanted to be inside her so badly he was throbbing, but he made himself wait. It would be worth it. She was worth it.

“Ben, I want you inside me,” she whined. “Please...”

The sound of her voice calling his name made his cock twitch and he almost gave in. “I know, baby, but I want to get one more out of you first. Need to make sure you’re nice and open for me.” He moved his mouth over her nipple and started to suck. From the way she reacted, he wondered if he could make her come that way. He kept going, alternating with his mouth on one breast, fingers on the other. She began to keen softly, slowly growing louder as he picked up intensity and Ben almost lost control of himself. It wasn’t long before her hips were bucking and she came again, his name on her lips.

When she met his eyes again, drifting down from her high, his eyes were glassy.

“Goddamnit, Rey. That was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen,” he said. She giggled.

“Does that mean you’re ready to fuck me, now?” she asked impatiently. “Or should I return the favor first?”

“That can wait. I need to be inside you, now.” He tilted her chin up and gazed into her eyes. “And just for the record: I’m not going to fuck you. I’m going to make love to you.”

Rey smiled. “The difference?”

“Usually, when I fuck someone, it's just for fun. But this means more, Rey. I just really want to make you feel good."

As she stared into his eyes, Rey was tempted to ask the question that had lurked in the back of her mind for weeks, since they first met—one she hadn’t dared to ask, wasn’t sure she wanted him to answer. So she pushed that one away and decided to ask a different question.

“Okay…I need—timeout,” she said.

Ben groaned. “Again?”

“When I asked you before if you were going to hurt me, you didn’t give me a straight answer.”

He raised his eyebrow. “I did. I said I would stop if you didn’t like what I was doing. And that’s the truth.” Rey’s expression was unconvinced. “This is all new to you, Rey. If you’re asking whether I would intentionally hurt you, then answer is no..." he paused, "with the exception of spankings.”

Rey’s eyes widened. “Spankings?” She huffed a laugh. “Are you serious?”

Ben chewed the inside of his cheek but kept his eyes on her. "Dead serious. I think you'll like it, too." he said with a wicked grin. He pulled a foil-wrapped condom from his pocket and rolled it onto his erection as she watched.

“Wow….okay, then. That’s good to know,” Rey said, still unsure.

“One thing at a time, kitten,” he smiled. “Anything else?”

Rey shook her head. She moved closer and, feeling bold, she kissed him this time, her hand wandering over to grasp his cock.

“Are you ready for me, sweetheart?” he asked, his breath hitching, labored.

“So ready.”

He rubbed the tip of his cock against her opening, feeling how wet she was, and he moaned again. “We’re gonna go nice and slow, baby. You tell me if it hurts too much and I’ll stop, okay?”

She nodded again. “I trust you,” she whispered.

Ben slid into her then, gently. She gasped and he stilled, waiting for her to adjust to him. Slowly he pushed in deeper, inch by inch. His face was right above hers, eyes locked with Rey's. He wanted to drink in every sound she made, every flicker of emotion on her face. When he bottomed out, fully seated in her, Rey let out a stuttering breath, grimacing a bit. He stilled again, watching her, but it was hard. She was so tight, so wet.

“Are you okay?”

“God, yes…you’re—so big, but….it’s good…” she murmured. “Don’t stop.”

Ben smiled and started to move, rocking inside her gently. It didn’t take long before she was rocking back against him. He cursed under his breath, trying to contain himself but he knew he wouldn't be able to hold out long. He listened to her moans, each one escalating just a bit, then pulled out suddenly and Rey whined. Ben patted her thigh, panting and shifted his body down on the bed.

“Get on top of me,” he growled.

Even though she had never done anything like this before, instinct took over and Rey clambered up, straddling his thick thighs and sinking down onto his rigid cock without hesitation. He gripped her hips, pulling her down. They moaned in unison as he seated himself fully inside her--the joining of their bodies was like nothing she'd ever felt. Then oh so slowly, Rey began to move, riding him. The sweet ache of Ben inside her was almost too good.

“Fuck yes, Rey….oh God…you feel like heaven…”

He reached down to find her clit with his middle finger and started stroking into her in little circles. Rey gasped, and with one last shriek, she came. Ben watched her face, delirious, before he gripped her hips tighter, pounding into her and calling her name as he followed right behind.

Rey collapsed against his chest and he wrapped her in his arms, warm and safe, as they drifted back down to Earth together. She closed her eyes, and he could tell she wanted to rest. “Sleep, angel,” he murmured, kissing her shoulder.

The last thought Ben had before slipping into slumber was: _MINE._

_________________________________________________

Early morning light was just starting to creep through the windows when Rey woke. It took her a few moments to remember where she was, and she felt for Ben beside her—he wasn’t there. Then she heard the click of his lighter and she turned toward the window.

Ben was sitting in the chair by the bed, acoustic guitar in hand. The room was still mostly dark, but she could see him just enough by the dawn light drifting in. She watched in silence as he took a deep drag from the cigarette before putting it in the ashtray. His fingers played against the neck of the guitar and he was humming softly to himself as he picked out some chords. Rey shifted ever so quietly, but he looked over at her, his hands stopping on the fret.

“Hey, sweetheart. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you,” he said softly.

“No…keep playing. Please,” she said.

Ben nodded. He shifted to find the position on the guitar and began strumming, singing over the chords in his slightly raspy, deep baritone.

 _"Before_ _you slip_ _into unconsciousness,_ _I'd like t_ o _have another kiss..._  
 _Another flashing gem that glistens, another kiss,_ _another_ _kiss..."_

“I love that song,” she said softly.

Ben stopped playing, his eyes meeting hers, surprised. “Really? I didn’t think most people your age even knew about The Doors.”

Rey grinned. “My foster parents were definitely ex-hippies. I know all about those great bands from the 60’s and 70’s...The British Invasion, all of it.”

“Well…do you have a favorite?”

Rey pursed her lips. “That’s tough. Favorite band, favorite song, what....?"

He grinned. "Yes. I want to know all about you, your favorite bands, your favorite songs...favorite food, I want to know it all," he said.

“Mmmm…I guess my favorite 60's band would probably be The Who," she said, "but I love The Doors too. And Beatles, obviously, but then, who doesn’t love The Beatles, right?"

Ben’s eyebrows slid all the way up and he broke out in a gleeful grin. “Yeah?"

“Mmmhmm…”

“Well, you definitely have good taste,” he chuckled, hands repositioning on the guitar frets, moving around as he picked out some chords. Rey smiled, watching him as he fiddled with chords.

Ben looked back at Rey like his whole life depended on her. The words flashed in his mind, and he was tempted to say them, but it was ridiculous; she would laugh in his face, right? He couldn’t say it yet: I love you.

He was afraid she'd laugh at him, and he couldn’t bear that.

It was almost nine when Rey woke again, her body pressed against Ben’s. They had made love one more time after she woke in the middle of the night before falling asleep again. She loved waking up in his arms.

Ben took a shower while she orderd room service. He needed to make his plane and get back to Chicago, but the thought of leaving her made him feel ill. To make things worse, The KOR didn’t have another show in New York City until September, which meant there was a chance that he wouldn’t see Rey for three whole months. The idea pained her; for Ben, it was outright torture.

He sat looking intently at her across the small table as she sipped her coffee.

“What’s wrong?” Rey asked.

Ben heaved a deep sigh. “Honestly….I don’t know how I’m going to handle being away from you for the next three months. I’m going to get back here every chance I get."

Looking into his dark eyes, Rey was astonished at the power of their connection. She’d never met anyone like Ben, and certainly never experienced anything like this.

“I’ll be here,” she said. “Waiting for you..”

Ben looked at her longingly, knowing he couldn’t speak the words that were running through his mind. To say them now might cause her to pull away…so he only kissed her.  
“Better get ready, baby. I have to get to JFK by noon.”

What he was thinking was: I want you to be mine and only mine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *"Bargain," Pete Townshend. Who’s Next, 1971
> 
> "Crystal Ship," The Doors. Elektra, 1967


	6. I Put a Spell on You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been two weeks since their first night together. Ben texts or calls Rey every single day while he's on the road. Each one is counting the hours until their next meeting on the 4th of July in NYC. 
> 
> 'bout to make some fireworks happen ...lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I put a spell on you....  
> Because you're mine.  
> You better stop the things you do,  
> I tell you I ain't lying..." *

Rey and Rose’s apartment - Queens, New York. July 3rd. 11:45 am.

“If you’re making coffee, I want some,” Rose called from the bedroom.

“I’m having iced,” Rey answered. “It’s way too hot.” She filled a tumbler with Starbucks cold brew, ice, and milk.

Rose came over and stood in the kitchen doorway. “Well, then make me an coffee then. You know how I like it. It’s the least you can do for me since you now have a boyfriend who’s a rock star,” she taunted.

Rey rolled her eyes and chuckled. “Fine. You know, Rose, that’s gonna get old fast.”

“Well, suck it up, buttercup,” Rose teased. “You’re happier than I’ve ever seen you and it’s all because of me,” she pouted. “Soy milk, please.”

“All because of you? So, Ben doesn’t have anything to do with it?”

“Of course he does, but you wouldn’t have met him if it I hadn’t dragged you to his show, and even after that, you probably would never have seen him again if I didn’t invite him to your show. So there,” Rose said smugly.

Rey sighed; Rose had a point. “You’re never gonna let me live this down, are you?”

Rose grinned. “Nope.”

“Here, now piss off,” Rey snipped, handing Rose her iced coffee. “Could you do something useful, maybe? Like putting the A/C on? I need to shower.”

“I’ll think about it,” was the snippy reply.

Rose walked into their small but cozy living room to close some windows and turn on the A/C. As she stood in the blast of cool air, Rey’s cell rang.

“Can you get that?” Rey called from the bathroom.

Rose padded over to pick up the phone from the table, grinning when she saw BEN pop up on the screen. She clicked the answer button and waited for him to speak.

“Hey beautiful.”

“Hey lover,” Rose grinned.

Rey stuck her head out of the bathroom and yelled down the hall, “Is it Ben?”

“Rose?”

“You got it, stud,” she smirked into the phone.

Ben huffed a laugh. “Okay, enough. Where’s my girl?”

Rey sauntered up to Rose, wrapped in only a green towel. Rose glanced over at her and rolled her tongue in her cheek.

“Ben, is this is a bad time to tell you I’ve been secretly in love with you for years?”

Rey could hear Ben’s muffled laugh on the other side of the line.

“Gimme the phone,” Rey lunged for it, laughing, but Rose ducked out of reach.

“You should see what she’s wearing right now,” Rose continued, pressing the button to put him on speaker. “Nothing but a towel.”

Ben groaned. “Ohhh., Rose, why are doing this to me? It’s hard enough being away from her for a whole two weeks!”

Rey snatched the phone from her and took him off speaker. “Hi sexy,” she said, making a face at Rose who put up her hands in surrender.

“Hi, beautiful. Is it true you’re wearing a towel right now?”

Rey giggled. “Yes, it’s true… I was just getting in the shower. " Ben swore under his breath and she giggled. "I wish you were here right now. Are you coming tomorrow, for the fireworks?”

“I’ll be coming before that, thinking of you in that towel,” he breathed. "And out of it. No, damnit, I don’t think I’m gonna make the fireworks. We have that appearance in LA at three. But I’ll see you Saturday for sure, okay?”

“I’ll clear my calendar,” she said. “Can’t wait to see you.”

“Be ready, woman. I’m gonna chain you to the bed.”

“Ben!” she shrieked, blushing.

“You think I’m kidding,” he chuckled darkly.

She heard someone talking to him in the background. “I gotta go love, rehearsal. Be good.”

“Okay. See you soon,” she murmured. The words I LOVE YOU flashed in her mind, but she knew it was too soon to say it.

She’d have to wait another day to see him, but that was okay. Rey turned and caught Rose’s eye. She was standing in the kitchen doorway.

“Have you been listening to my entire conversation?”

Rose shrugged guiltily. “So, tomorrow? Is he gonna make it?”

“No,” Rey sulked. “They have some event in LA. But he’ll be here Saturday.”

Rose noted the disappointment in her friend’s voice. “Well, that’s good, anyway. Just one more day, right?”

“Yeah, it’s great, and then he has to go back out on his tour, and who knows when I’ll see him again?” She suddenly felt on the verge of tears.

“Hey, hey,” Rose said. She sidled up to Rey, wrapping an arm around her shoulders playfully. “We all have difficulties to overcome, but you know what? Your boyfriend is BEN FUCKING SOLO!! Now come on, we have some party shopping to do!”

Back in the LA studio, Ben sat crouched in a corner, smoking, while Austin did his vocal warmup. Ben wasn’t paying much attention; his mind was on Rey. In fact, she seemed to be on his mind almost constantly now. He really wanted to surprise her tomorrow at Amilyn’s party, but how could he make that happen? Unless they were rained out, or somebody happened to get sick…he sighed. There was no way he could do it unless the event was cancelled outright. If the goddamn Concorde was still flying, maybe but…

“Let’s go, Benny boy, you ready?” Austin called. Ben looked up and saw that the entire band was waiting for him. He stubbed out his cigarette and walked to his mic.

“Any chance we could get rained out tomorrow?” he asked the room in general, looking around. They looked at each other, puzzled.

“Well, I did hear a possibility of rain, but it should be over by three,” Steve, the drummer, said.

“It’s a Rain or Shine event, Ben.” Austin reminded him.

Ben nodded and shrugged it off. “Okay, let’s do it. From the top.” They launched into “Blood and Wine,” one of the major hits and the one they’d be performing tomorrow. For at least the next forty-five minutes, Ben managed to lose himself in the music and not think about Rey.

Amilyn’s apartment, 77th Street and Riverside Drive. July 4th. 5:40pm

Rey and Rose stood in the lobby of Amilyn’s apartment building, waiting for the elevator. It was one of the classic, pre-war buildings that are so prevalent in this part of town. The apartments were large, spacious and airy—the people who lived in them were usually well off. Rey had never thought about how much Amilyn made, but she did know that she had gotten the apartment as part of her divorce settlement.

“Why do I suddenly feel underdressed?” Rey asked.

“Stop it, you look beautiful,” Rose said. “Do you think something’s going on with Amilyn and Poe?”

Rey’s eyes widened. “What? No, I….hadn’t really thought that, ….until now,” she said. “Why would you think that?”

Rose rolled her eyes. “Haven’t you noticed how he’s always following her around, and how she teases him all the time?”

“Yeah, I guess….but-they’re always arguing, I thought—” she trailed off with a shrug.

“Rey, your mind has only been on one thing for the past three weeks, so I really shouldn’t be surprised.”

“Elevator’s here.”

They got out at the penthouse. Amilyn had the entire floor to herself. The foyer was dotted with large plants and mirrors. Finn, Poe, and at least a half-dozen other people were already there, eating, drinking and chatting. While they made their introductions, Rose’s phone buzzed in her pocket. She glanced down. It was a text from Ben:

5:48  
Ben: Appearance cancelled, on my way to NY. Send the address.  
DON’T TELL REY!!

Rose glanced up, making sure Finn and Rey were too engaged in the chat to notice. She subtly moved away from them and texted Ben the address, followed by one  
question.

Rose: What time do you think you’ll be here?

She waited for the bubbles to stop moving; finally, his response popped up:

Ben: No idea, but hopefully before the fireworks start.

Rose put her phone away. This was going to be an interesting evening, she thought.

Fourth of July Party at Amilyn’s apartment - 9:12pm

Finn, Rey and Rose were sitting together on the couch. Poe was off to the side, talking in hushed tones to Amilyn. Someone passed around a blunt, and wine and beer were flowing generously. Rose looked over at Rey. She knew Rey had finished at least three glasses of wine, maybe more, which was a lot for her. She was flushed and giggly, laughing a bit too loudly at one of Finn’s stories. At one point a Knights of Ren song came on the radio, and Rose and Rey shrieked, singing along.

Finn and Rey were sitting on the couch, close together, almost touching. Anyone coming in right at that moment might think, from their body language, and noting the lingering glances he gave her, that they were dating, or at the very least, flirting. Rose had the dismaying feeling that her potential new crush was far more into her friend then into her. She sighed; this was nothing new.

Rose checked her phone again; she had no new texts from Ben, but that didn’t mean his plane hadn’t landed. She had the feeling that if Ben happened to walk in at that moment and see Finn and Rey so close together, he would be…unhappy. So, Rose did what any good friend would do in a similar situation: she tried to avoid a potential disaster.

“Hey Rey, I need you for a sec,” Rose said. Rey excused herself and followed Rose to a quiet space near the kitchen.

“What is it?”

Rose held out a glass of water to her. “Here, drink this.”

Rey crinkled her brow. “I don’t want that,” she muttered.

“Drink it.”

“Rose,” she said, slurring just a little, “why are you being weird?”

“Are you okay? You had a lot to drink,” Rose said, folding her arms across her chest.

Rey scoffed. “What are you, my mother?” She clucked her tongue. “I’m having fun, so what?”

Rose was tempted to spill the beans, but she bit back the words. “Nothing. I’m glad you’re having fun. Let’s go up to the roof, okay? Fireworks are gonna start soon.”

“Fine. Let me get my drink,” Rey said.

They made their way outside the apartment to the terrace. It wrapped all the way around the exterior of the penthouse, affording any lucky viewer an unbelievable view of the Hudson River, Riverside Park from the 17th floor. The twinkling lights of the city, and from the harbor, drifted upwards through the humid July night. It was a perfect night for fireworks—a magical, mystical, New York City summer night.

“Ahh, man, this view is ahhmayzing,” Rey murmured. “I wish Ben was here.”

Rose smiled. “I know.”

The rest of the party guests had found their way out to the roof by then. Justin Timberlake’s “Rock Your Body” started up, and Finn spun around in a circle. “This is my jam. Who’s dancing with me?” He tugged on Rey’s arm, pulling her into an open area. “Come on, dance with me,” he pleaded. Normally, she would have said no, but she was buzzed; Rey relented.

Rose sucked in a deep breath. This—this was not good. She had a bad feeling about this.

She scanned the terrace quickly for Ben, but he had not shown himself yet—just random people dancing, drinking and smoking. She let out a sigh of relief. Good. Hopefully, he wouldn’t arrive before their little dance was over. And then everything would be f----ahh. Oh shit.

That’s when she saw him. Ben was standing in the shadows, right by the exit door to the roof, and he was watching Rey and Finn dance. He had on his usual black jeans and t-shirt, drink in hand, and would have completely blended in with the crowd except to anyone who recognized him. His brow was furrowed as he lit a cigarette, eyes never leaving them. Something about the look in his eyes told Rose that this might not end well.

Rey and Finn were moving together, just having fun. At some point, Finn was pushing up on her, grinding his hips against hers. Rose saw Ben’s face harden, his jaw tighten. He dropped his cig and ground it out under his heel.

When the song ended, Finn asked Rey, “Where’s Kylo—I mean Ben. I thought he might have liked to be here tonight."

“He’s in LA,” she sighed, “but he’ll be here tomorrow.” Finn nodded.

Rose took the opportunity to swoop in and redirect Rey farther away from Finn, so he wouldn’t end up dead. “You okay, honey? Do you need some water?” Rose asked.

Rey frowned at Rose in her tipsy stupor. “I’m fine,” she griped. “Stop babying me.”

Just then, Rey felt a warm body push up behind her, and a large hand grab her ass. She gasped in shock, thinking for a moment it was Finn, but Finn wasn’t anywhere near so tall and this was not like him.

“What—” she turned to see Ben smiling down at her, and her annoyed face shifted to joy. “Ben!! How are you here?” she cried.

Ben cupped her face and tilted his head down to capture her lips in a blistering kiss. Rose, Finn and a few other people nearby who witnessed it were glancing at each other in acknowledgment of their chemistry. To say the energy between them was electric would be an understatement.

When the kiss broke, they were gazing into each other’s eyes longingly. “I didn’t think you were going to make it,” she said. “What happened?”

"Austin had a little accident, broke his ankle. We had to cancel a whole bunch of shows, but he’ll be up and running soon, even if he has to be onstage with crutches.” Rey giggled. She seemed a little out of control and Ben noticed right away, and he frowned, watching her intently.

"Are you having a good time?”

“Yeah, it’s been fun. Just hanging out with Rose and Finn—”

“You been drinking?” he asked.

"Yeah, it’s a party, Ben. Why, am I suddenly not allowed to drink?” she snipped.

Ben cocked his head at her. “I didn’t say that. You just...seem a little tipsy, that’s all.”

“So what, Ben? Geez….” She rolled her eyes at him."You and Rose..."

Ben moved even closer to Rey then and stood very still, watching her. He didn’t say anything for a moment. He lowered his voiced and asked, “Did you just roll your eyes at me?”

“I did, yeah. And?”

Ben tilted his chin up, his gaze darkening. “Don’t do it again, or I’ll have to punish you.”

Suddenly Rey felt her insides clench at his words. Yes...that sounded good. She glanced back at Ben and rolled her eyes one more time, playfully, just to fuck with him.

Ben growled. He reached for her hip. "Let's go. Screw the fireworks."

They said their hasty goodbyes and made their way downstairs and into the waiting limo. When they were ensconced comfortably in back, Ben said: “I really wanted to go to your place tonight, but it looks like we’re going to be in the hotel again.”

“Okay,” Rey tested. “Why? I mean, it is more private, but I really do need to get my things--"

"We'll go to Queens tomorrow. And as far as privacy, I don’t need Rose hearing you scream my name.” His lip quirked up teasingly. “Not that it would bother me, mind you, but I know it might make you uncomfortable.”

"Oh, is that right?” Rey breathed. Anticipation was already building in her lower belly, and she felt herself growing wet at the thought of him touching her.

Ben nodded , suddenly serious. “You shouldn’t drink so much.”

“Oh, come on, you're being ridiculous. I didn’t drink half of what you drink in a night—” Rey started. "Don't be a hypocrite."

Ben raised his eyebrows. “I can handle it. You can’t.”

“You…” Rey started, then broke off with another eye-roll.

Ben chuckled. “You just did it again,” he said. “Woman, you are in trouble.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *" I Put a Spell on You " - Screaming Jay Hawkins, 1953


	7. You Wreck Me, Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Now and again, I get the feeling  
> Well if I don't win, I'm a gonna break even,  
> Rescue me, should I go wrong,  
> If I dig too deep, if I stay too long
> 
> Ohhh, yeah  
> You wreck me, baby  
> Yeah, you break me in two  
> But you move me honey, yes you do."  
> *

[Watch the Tom Petty video here:](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3aGZZueg08)

Hotel W Times Square - 47th St. and Broadway. July 4th, 10:10pm

“I thought The Mercer was your favorite place to stay in the city,” Rey said as Howie pulled the limo up into the side street. It was a way to reduce exposure; Ben had no interest in being recognized.

“It is, but it’ll be easier to get across town tomorrow when we leave. Plus, Blue Fin has an amazing brunch, so I thought we’d eat there before we check out. Sound good?"  
”  
“Sounds great.”

He led her quickly through the sleek, modern lobby and straight to the express elevator, grateful that no one seemed to recognize him. The doors dinged open and they got inside—all alone.

“57 floors?” Rey mused. “Criminy! How far up are we going?”

Ben pressed the elevator for the top floor and smiled his adorable, lopsided smile at her. “All the way to the top, baby.”

As soon as the doors closed, they rushed together, meeting in a fevered kiss. Ben pinned Rey against the side of the elevator, grinding his hips against hers, making her ache for him. He pulled back to look at her, breath hitching. "Hi," he said.

She giggled. “I missed you.”

“Yeah?” He moved in closer, biting her lower lip gently; his hand skated up to squeeze her ass, hard. “I saw your little dance with….what’s his name, again?”

“Finn,” she offered. “What about it?”

“He shouldn’t have been grinding on you like that.” He rolled his hips against her.

“We were only dancing, Ben. We’re just friends.”

“Maybe, but he wants you. I could see it in the way he looks at you."

“He knows I’m seeing you,” she shot back, rolling her eyes. “You’re being silly.”

Uh oh.

Ben held her gaze and reached up to rest his hand gently against her throat--not using any pressure to speak of; he watched her eyes, let his thumb slip into the hollow at her throat. Rey whimpered softly. “You just did it again,” he whispered. “Are you testing me?”

“N-no, it’s just a habit.”

“Well, control it.” He nipped at her ear.

Rey nodded, her body responding to his voice, the undercurrent of danger in it; it turned her on.

The elevator doors opened on 57. Ben took Rey's hand and led her down the long, pristine hallway to his room. He glanced at her just before sliding the key in the lock.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been up this high,” she murmured.

“Really? Not even in the Empire State building?”

“Nope, not yet.” She followed him into the suite.

“We’ll have to remedy that.”

The suite was spacious and modern, but simpler than The Mercer. Rey went over the window. 57 floors up, and across from her nothing but the lights and gleaming towers of the city. When she turned back, Ben was pouring himself a shot of Patron.

“Is that tequila?” she asked. He nodded. “Can I try it?”

“No more drinking for you tonight, little one,” he said. “Except for some water. Trust me. You’re gonna feel like crap in the morning otherwise.” He handled her a bottle of Evian. “ I want you to be in good shape tomorrow.”

“Really? What are you going to do with me?”

“Well, it wouldn't be as much fun if I told you, would it?" he grinned.. “Oh, I almost forgot.” He reached into his backpack and pulled out a small box, beautifully wrapped in silver paper, and set it on the bar.

Rey’s widened. “For me?”

“It’s for you, but you don’t get to open it. Not yet.”

Rey shifted her weight to her other leg, frustrated. “Well, then when can I open it?”

Ben hesitated. He sat down in the big armchair across from the bed, legs spread wide, and sipped his drink. “Maybe later, maybe tomorrow. We’ll see. If you’re good.”

“Oh, so we’re playing this game again?”

“It’s not a game. And you’re not off the hook.”

Rey felt a tingle of excitement down her spine. She stood still, clenching and unclenching her hands, flustered. “Is that right, Ben?”

He narrowed his eyes a bit and shifted forward. “What did you call me?”

Rey’s breath hitched the slightest bit before she answered. “…Kylo.”

He smiled. “Good girl. Walk over to the bed.”

Rey stood by the bed and looked up at him expectantly.

"Strip,” Ben said. Rey started to unbutton her blouse, fumbling with the buttons. “Slowly,” he added.

Despite feeling self-conscious, Rey did her best to move teasingly, sliding her blouse and bra off slowly. She unbuttoned her jeans and shimmied them down, leaving her in only her panties.

"Those too," Ben said, and she slipped them off. “Get on the bed.” He tugged his own shirt over his head, then worked through his belt and zipper. He stopped for a moment when he noticed Rey gawking at him.

"What--you can watch me, but I can't watch you?"

Ben chuckled. "On your hands and knees, kitten."

When Rey was positioned just like he wanted her, he slowly circled around her, appreciating the view of her satiny, pert little ass peeking up at him. Ben smoothed a hand over her bottom, giving it a little pinch. His middle finger grazed her slit, brushing into the wetness there and she let out a little gasp.

"I can't wait to be inside you," he whispered. "Are you ready for your punishment, kitten?"

Rey did her best to control her voice but felt herself trembling. “Yes, Kylo.”

He moved back slightly, just making her wait, and then smacked her ass once, hard. Rey was stunned by the impact, the sting of it, but as the pain subsided, the warmth bloomed into a pleasant ache. He did it again without warning, and she let out a little cry, surprised by how the vibrations from each smack sent shockwaves through her body, echoing straight to her clit. Ben smoothed his hand over the sore spot to take some of the sting out…and then smacked her again. Each time he did it, he moved to a slightly different spot to avoid making her too sore.

“You okay?” he whispered.

“Yes,” she breathed, voice dusky.

“Do you want me to stop?”

She shook her head. Ben smirked. “Two more, then.”

Rey was trembling when he was done, and unbelievably aroused. Ben stroked her ass cheeks with feather-light strokes, planting a soft kiss on each one, soothing her. Then his hand moved back between her legs, to her warm wet center, and he growled.

“Mmm….you’re awfully wet, kitten. I think you like being punished, hm?” Rey let out a soft whimper, encouraging Ben to continue. He smiled, continuing to stroke her more deeply, sliding one finger inside while his calloused thumb brushed her clit. "Am I right about that?" he purred.

Rey was struggling to maintain her composure. "Yes," she managed. Ben continued to stroke between her folds gently, circling her clit until Rey finally released a full, unrestrained moan. He nudged her down to the bed, flipping her onto her back and pinning her wrists above her head. Rey was so wet, he pushed into her with minimal effort. He rolled his hips, thrusting deeper.

“No more dancing with anyone else…no flirting…” he panted.

Rey groaned beneath him, “I wasn't flirting--it-fuck--it didn’t mean anything—”

“Promise me. It makes me crazy to think of anyone else touching you.” He kissed her hard, his lips urgent and hungry, until he pulled back and caught her eyes again. “Do you promise?”

“Yes…I don’t want anyone but you.”

Ben thrust into her harder, finally bottoming out, and he groaned. “That’s my good girl.” He peppered soft kisses along her jaw, trailing down to her throat. When he reached the tender spot where her neck met her shoulder he worried it gently between his teeth, licking and sucking at the spot as he kept moving inside her.

“Oh, Ben….Ben, I lo-“ Rey cut herself off, realizing what she was about to say. His eyes were wide when he pulled back to look at her, a sweet smile blooming on his lips.

“What did you say?” Rey shook her head; it was too soon. “ Rey...?”

“I....I love the way you feel inside me.”

Ben smiled knowingly. "Me too."

Rey woke close to nine, sunlight filling the room. Ben was up already, tooling around with his guitar. He was in his jeans, shirtless, and his hair was wet, so she assumed he’d already taken a shower. He heard her stirring and looked up. “Morning, sleepyhead. How do you feel?”

Rey blinked, stretching and getting her bearings. “Not too bad,” she said.

“It would have been worse if you hadn’t drank that water before bed,” he gestured to the beside table and she saw he’d left a bottle next to her. “Drink it. Water is the secret to avoiding hangovers. Trust me; I know."

“Hmmm,” she said, raising an eyebrow at him. He grinned, and she refrained from saying anything else. The shine of the gift box caught her eye. “Do I get to open my present now?”

Ben chuckled. “Yes. Go get ready for brunch and I’ll give it to you before we leave.”

Rey wrinkled her nose. “I can shower, but I’ll have to wear the same clothes from yesterday.”

“I won’t tell if you don’t."

Forty-five minutes later, Rey was bathed and dressed. She’d washed and blow-dried her hair to make her feel better about wearing the previous day’s clothes; her makeup was minimal because most of her products were at home.

Rey stared in the mirror at the tender mark Ben left on her neck where his teeth were. A hickey. She hadn't had a hickey since high school.

He'd marked her. And somehow, she didn't mind.

Ben put down his guitar and his eyes swept over her admiringly when she “Gorgeous,” he murmured.

Rey laughed. “You saw this yesterday, remember?”

“So what?” he smiled. He held her gift in one hand beckoned her to him. “Come ‘ere.”

Rey settled herself on Ben’s lap and pulled off the wrapping excitedly. Inside was a black box with the word LELO in gold letters. She opened it and there were 4 small balls, two pink and two blue, on the satin. Rey looked at Ben curiously. “What are these?”

“They’re called Ben Wa balls.” He cocked an eyebrow at her. “And if you make a joke about my name, I'll spank you again." Rey laughed, still not fully comprehending.

"Well, what are they for?"

"They...make your insides happy. You wear them on the inside."

Rey’s eyebrows shot up. “Inside?”

He nodded, smirking at her shocked expression. "I thought you might like to try them before we go out to brunch."

Rey bit her lip. "Okay, how do they....work?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "You Wreck Me," Tom Petty. Wildflowers, 1994


	8. FAME

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When they go out to brunch in a crowded restaurant, Rey gets a real taste of what it's like to be in public with her rock star boyfriend.

“Fame makes a man take things over…  
Fame lets him loose, hard to swallow…  
Fame puts you there where things are hollow…  
Fame…”

“Fame," David Bowie. Young Americans, 1975

“You ready?” Ben slid on his black Ray Bans.

“I-I think so.”

They were in the express elevator, heading downstairs for brunch at Blue Fin. He’d helped Rey insert the Ben Wa balls before they left the room so she could have the experience of walking around with them for the first time. Just the walk from his room to the elevator had already given her a taste of what she was in for, and she bit her lip, already getting turned on. Ben leaned in and gave her a soft, hungry kiss, making her pussy clench around the balls.

“Oh,” she breathed.

Ben chuckled. “This is gonna be fun.”

The elevator stopped on floor 20, and the door slid open silently. A polished, good-looking, middle-aged couple got on and nodded at Ben and Rey. After a couple of minutes, the man turned back, eyes scanning Ben’s face.

“You look familiar,” he said. “Where do I know you from?”

Ben smiled casually, shrugging. “I get that a lot.”

Rey bit her lip and smothered a laugh.

When they got to the main floor, Ben whispered, “Let’s move fast.” He led her straight through the lobby and into the entrance of Blue Fin. The bar was lively, even at 11:30 am; New Yorkers take brunch seriously. Rey’s eyes moved everywhere, taking it all in. As she and Ben walked through the bar, she noted some heads turning in their direction, some lingering glances; Ben ignored all of it. They approached the front desk and he walked straight up to the hostess.

“Reservation under Kenobi?” He tipped his shades down slightly, glancing over the rim.

The hostess’s eyes widened. “Oh—yes, of course,” she said, flustered, recognizing him. Rey sighed. It was going to take her some time to get used to this. “Your table is ready, Mister uh, Kenobi. Just one moment.” She beckoned to the manager.

“Doesn’t that look just like Kylo Ren?” a female voice said from the bar.

Rey’s eyes slid to her right, where two young women, about her age, were gawking at her boyfriend.

“Is it him?” her friend asked, and then: “Damn, he’s hot. Who’s that girl he's with?”  
Rey cocked an eyebrow at them and tried to keep from looking too smug.

Ben took Rey’s hand and they followed the manager over to the long, majestic staircase. He walked close behind her, one hand possessively resting on her hip, his attention focused only on her. As Rey climbed the steps, she felt the balls jiggling inside her, and she let out a little gasp, blushing.

They walked across the expansive dining room on the 2nd level to the back of the floor, where a small private room with a handful of four-top tables. Soft recessed lighting and warm colors gave the room a romantic feel.

“Enjoy your meal, Mr. Solo, Miss,” the manager nodded. "Louis here will take care of you."

Louis appeared immediately with menus and asked if they wanted drinks.

“Spicy Bloody Mary, extra hot, please.” Ben said. “Rey?”

“Umm…it’s not even noon,” Rey murmured.

“Yeah, but it’s brunch, baby. Coffee, orange juice? A Mimosa?

“Hmmm….Bellini?"

“Very good, mademoiselle.”

Rey looked around the elegant, empty room. “I can’t believe we have this whole room to ourselves.”

“At this point, it’s the only way I can come here and not be bothered. New Yorkers are generally cool, but this is Times Square and it’s crawling with tourists.” He took off his sunglasses and his dark eyes glittered. “Besides…I wanted us to have some privacy.”

“Oh, really? And just what are your intentions here, Mr. Solo?”

“Mmm,… I’m afraid to say,” he smiled.

Ben was delighted to see a soft flush rise in her face; he loved making her blush. His voice was black velvet when he asked, “So how are you enjoying your little present so far?”

Rey licked her lips. “Very much. Especially walking up the stairs….” She fanned herself.

“Told ya. And it just gets better.” He winked.

“How do you know so much about these things?” Rey asked, unsure if she really wanted to know.

“A girlfriend back in the early days used to like playing with them.” He shrugged.

Rey nodded. Of course, she knew he’d had other girlfriends before her. But the thought of it made acid rise in her throat.

“How do you deal with all this…fame crap?”

Ben rubbed the stubble on his chin. “Well, it’s definitely not my favorite part of being in a band,” he sighed. “You just learn to deal. Some days, though, I really hate it. I just want to disappear.”

“The attention must be nice, on some level,” she prodded. “The female attention.”

Ben leaned back in his chair and pursed his lips together. “I’m kinda over it, honestly. When you’re famous, a lot of people act like you’re a thing, like some product that they want to own. They don’t think of me as an actual flawed, fucked up person. They just see what they want to see.” He lifted his hand and stroked her cheek gently. “And as far as those other women, they don’t matter. I don’t want them. I want you.” Warmth flooded Rey’s chest as he kissed her palm.

The waiter returned with their drinks. “I’ll be back shortly to take your order,” he said.

Ben sipped his first. “Ahh, nice and spicy.”

“You know,” Rey began, “I was reading an article about you the other day on New Music Express, and the writer said that you have major BDE,” she rolled her tongue around in her mouth. Her eyebrows shot up. “Are you familiar with that term?”

Ben laughed, embarrassed. “Yeah, I’ve heard it.”

“I had to google what it means. So? Do you think it applies?”

He smirked. "Doesn’t matter what I think. It matters what you think.”

Rey paused for a long beat, raking her eyes over him. Even in something as simple as a black t-shirt and jeans, he was a work of art. “Oh, you definitely have it,” she said.

“Come over here and sit next to me,” he said, patting the seat.

“I haven’t decided what I want to order yet.”

“Well, you can sit here and decide.”

Rey stood up, the movement making the Ben Wa balls shift insider her, sending a pleasant tingle through her belly. She settled into the chair beside Ben.

“Happy now?”

Ben smiled, the kind of smile a cat would give a canary. He placed a hand on her thigh; his skin was so warm, it resonated right through her.

“Unbutton your jeans and lower the zipper,” he said in the Kylo voice.

Rey’s mouth fell open. “Are you crazy? He’s gonna come back any minute.”

Ben’s eyebrows shifted up. “Then you better do it now. Don’t worry, he won’t see anything.”

Rey took a quick glance to her side to make sure the coast was clear.

“We’re all alone in here,” he reminded her.

Gingerly, Rey moved her hand down to her jeans and unsnapped the button. She hesitated.

“Go on,” Ben urged. She lowered the zipper slowly. He was right: her blouse was long enough to cover her waistband.

A voice behind them asked, “Have you decided yet?” Rey giggled.

“Give us a few more minutes, please,” he said to the server. When he’d left, Ben shifted in his seat, leaning on the armrest closer to Rey.

“So decide what you want,” he said in that silky dark voice. His hand moved slowly from her knee, higher and higher up her thigh.

Rey sucked in breath. “What about you?”

“I already _know_ what I want,” he said, his voice dropping lower, making her clench again. “Go on. He’ll be right back, better make a decision.”

Rey looked down at the menu and tried to focus, but she couldn’t, not with Ben’s hand on her. His fingers traced slowly along her inner thigh, stopping at the bottom of the zipper. The combination of his touch, the balls inside her and the possibility of getting caught—it was a heady mix; her skin was buzzing.

“Pick something. Don’t mind me.”

Rey let her gaze fall back on the menu, trying to focus on food. Hmmm….did she want an omelet? Sushi, maybe….?

"The sushi’s really good here,” Ben said, middle finger sliding through the opening of her jeans, and into her panties, touching bare skin. “If you’re in the mood for something _raw."_

Rey’s eyes swam up to catch his and the devious little smile on his lips. “Bastard,” she muttered. He chuckled darkly and she closed her eyes.

He sought out her sensitive nub and when he found it, Rey sucked in a sharp breath, then exhaled a soft moan. Her eyes flickered open, meeting his and she bit her lip. His finger moved down and brushed her entrance, slick with her juices. “So what are you in the mood for, kitten?” His finger slid inside her suddenly, forcing Rey to stifle a gasp as she gripped the edge of her seat.

Ben leaned in closer and whispered: “You'll have to wait til later, Rey."

Ben retracted his finger from her and Rey watched, eyes hooded with lust, as he stuck it in his mouth and sucked it clean. A soft, quiet moan slipped out and Ben smiled.

Louis was back, smiling expectantly. “Have you decided?”

Ben looked over at Rey. “We’ll start with the seafood tower for two, and I’ll have the Eggs Benedict.” He looked at Rey innocently. “Honey?”

Rey scanned the menu quickly, scrambling to make a quick decision. “Uh…I’ll have the salmon burger,” she said.

“Very good. Another round?”

Ben glanced quickly at the wine menu. “No, let’s go with a bottle of Veuve. Thanks, man.” He handed the menu back to the waiter.

“You’re cruel,” Rey pouted. You’re an SOB.”

Ben smirked. “You might hate me right now, but I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

“You better.”

“Oh, and I have some news. I started working on a new song.”

“Really? When can I hear it?”

“It’s just in early stages right now, but hopefully I’ll be ready to present it to the guys before our next show. They’ll probably fight me on it, but…” he shrugged.

“Why would they do that?”

“It’s a ballad. Knights of Ren don’t do ballads. Or at least, we haven’t up to now.”

Rey cocked her head. “A ballad. Really. And where did that come from?”

He just stared at her for a moment. “Let’s see if you can guess.”

“Is it about me?”

He nodded. Thrilled, Rey cupped his face to hers and gave him a brief, sweet kiss.

“Well, hey you may not even like it."

“Don’t be an _ass,_ Solo." He laughed lightly.

“We’ve gotta start thinking about the direction of the next album. I don’t want us to be the kind of band that keeps cranking out the same shit over and over.”

“Sure, well there has to be room for artistic growth,” she agreed.

The waiter returned with their champagne in a chilled bucket and made a big show of opening it. Ben held her hand, kissing it as they waited for him to pour them each a glass.

“You know, I never did get to see you do the sabrage,” Rey said, and he grinned.

“Next time. When I have my trusty saber with me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I really hope you enjoyed this Chapter. I love getting comments from you guys and hearing your thoughts about how the story is progressing. I almost feel like I know these two! lmao  
> Love you guys! Thanks for reading! xx


	9. My Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey brings Ben home to her place in Queens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "And when I go away,  
> I know my heart can stay with my love,  
> It's understood.  
> It's in the hands of my love  
> And my love does it good  
> Whoa whoa whoa whoa, whoa whoa whoa whoa...  
> My love does it good."

[LIsten to Wings "My Love"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vx5QxoWCG-I)

Ben and Rey had just settled in the back of the limo, ready for the drive to Rey’s apartment in Forest Hills when Ben’s cellphone rang. He held up his phone to show Rey the name: LEIA. This time, Ben was the one rolling his eyes. He beckoned Rey over to move closer to him, and she snuggled up to him on the seat, head on his shoulder.

“Hi, mom.” He clicked to put her on speaker.

“Ben, my darling, are you in town?”

“Yep, I’m in the car right now heading toward the 59th Street Bridge."

“Will I see you this weekend?”

“Not this weekend, mom. I’m with Rey. We’re on our way to her place in Queens. Say hi, you’re on speaker.”

“Hi, Rey!” Leia cried.

“Hi, Mrs. Solo,” Rey said, grinning at Ben.

“Rey, I was hoping to see my son this weekend, but I understand that it’s more important that he spend time with you right now, so I won’t give him a hard time. But I do expect to see both of you the next time he’s in town. Okay?”

“Sure, Mrs. Solo.” Rey gave Ben a knowing look. He leaned down and bit her breast playfully. Rey giggled.

“Leia.”

“Okay, Leia,” Rey smiled.

“I won’t keep you two lovebirds. Ben, are you in Europe next week?”

“Not until August. Austin broke his ankle, so we had to cancel some shows. But at least I get to hang out with Rey for a couple of days.” He winked at her.

“Oh, no. Well, enjoy your time together, sweetheart. Give Austin my best.”

“Sure mom, I’ll speak to you next week.”

“Okay, Benny. Love you.”

He clicked the phone off and turned his full attention back to Rey. “She can’t wait to meet you,” he sighed. "She's gonna want to adopt you."

“What did you tell her about me?” Rey asked.

“Oh, you know,” he shrugged, overly casual. “The usual.”

“No, I don’t know, Ben. That’s why I’m asking.”

What he had actually told his mother was that he was pretty sure he had met his future wife, but Rey didn’t need to know that. Not yet.

“I told her we met backstage, and that you’re a photographer and I went to your show, and…..yadda yadda yadda…”

Rey started laughing and he cut her off with a kiss. It started off gentle and slowly grew hotter, and in moments they had their hands all over each other. Finally, a breathless Rey pulled back and whispered, “Howie.”

“Ehh, don’t worry. Howie keeps his eyes on the road. Right, Howie?” He called.

Howie gave him a thumbs up.

Ben started to kiss her neck again and Rey shifted away, just to tease him. “You made me wait, now I’m gonna make you wait.”

“Ohhh, I see. It’s like that, is it?” Ben ran a finger down her thigh. “Don’t you worry, Kitten. I’m gonna take good care of you later.”

Rey gave him a knowing look and squeezed her thighs together. Ben grinned.

They maneuvered through traffic to the East Side and drove over the 59th Street bridge. It was slow going, but Rey didn't mind; it didn't matter as long as Ben was with her.

" That A/C feels so good,” she murmured. “I hate to tell you this, but I don’t have one in my room, only a fan.”

Ben’s eyes widened. “No, that’s not okay. Where’s the nearest Best Buy to you?”

Minutes later, Ben was on the phone with Best Buy customer service. He ordered a brand new A/C for same day delivery to be sent to Rey and Rose’s apartment. While he was on the phone, he asked her, “Does Rose have one?”

Rey shook her head.

“Make that two," he said into the phone. " Same model.”

Ben hung up and gave a satisfied hum.

“Ben, you really didn’t have to do that,” Rey said.

He reached for her hand and pulled her closer. “I’m gonna be getting you all hot and sweaty this weekend, Rey. Can’t risk having you pass out on me now, can I? You shouldn't be without an A/C during the summer. New York summers can be a bitch. I know."

“But Rose—”

“You guys deserve it. It’s a drop in the bucket. I want you guys to have them. Okay?”

She bit her lip, nodding. He gave her a quick kiss.

“Ok….one more stop. Where’s the best liquor store near you?”

Rey and Rose’s apartment, Queens, New York. Saturday 2:55pm

Howie pulled the limo up outside Rey’s building in front of a hydrant. Ben and Rey piled out with their things, Ben with a small roll-away bag in one hand, the other holding a box with goodies from the liquor store. He slipped his sunglasses on right before they went inside.

Miraculously, no one was in the lobby. They were able to make it all the way to the elevator unnoticed.

Rey stood grinning at Ben in the elevator. “I wonder how many people in this building would come running if they knew that I had Kylo Ren here with me,” she chuckled.

Ben smiled, holding a finger up to his lips.

Rose didn’t answer the door, so Rey let them in. Ben followed her inside, setting the box down on the kitchen counter and took a quick look around.

“This is nice,” he murmured. Rey shrugged. “And you know what’s even nicer?” He pulled her to him roughly so they were face to face, lips almost touching. “We have the whole place to ourselves.” He smiled.

Rey laughed. “Yeah, for the moment.”

Ben started pulling stuff out of the box; a few bottles of white wine, bottle of Patron, gallon bottle of water, snacks. “Let me grab a few things so you can show me your bedroom, and once we’re in there, woman, you’re all mine.” He looked around the living room. “Where’s your music system?” He pulled a CD from his backpack.

“CDs, really?” Rey snorted. “I thought you were with the times. “

Ben raised his eyebrows at her. “Ohhh, I see. Kitten thinks she can mock me, is that it?” Rey grinned wickedly, feeling that tightness in her belly.

“Maybe,” she smirked.

Ben moved closer, grabbing her around the waist and pulling her tight against him. He tilted his head down, meeting her eyes, and slid a strand of her hair behind her ear. “Does Kitten want to be punished?” His voice was a low growl.

Rey let out a little whimper, pressing her hips into his, grinding just a little. Suddenly, there was another sound: a key in the door. Rose was home.

“Hey…hi guys! I hope I’m not…” she noted how close they were, and chuckled. “…uh, interrupting anything. Oops.”

“Hi Rose,” Ben grinned.

“Hey Rose, we’ll be in my room. “

Rose nodded and put her bag of groceries on the counter. “Of course, you will. I’m going out later with Finn so you guys will have the place to yourself.”

Ben shot Rey an I’m-going-to-ruin-you look; Rey flushed.

“Okay,” she managed. “Oh, and somebody will be coming by later to deliver air conditioners.”

“Yeah, they should be here by 6,” Ben added.

Rose frowned in confusion. “Air conditioners?”

“Well, I told Ben we only had one A/C in the living room so he decided to order one for each of us, for the bedrooms.”

“Wow, that was really sweet of you, Benny! That's awesome!"

“Well, that’s just the kind of guy I am, Rose,” he shot back without missing a beat, and she laughed.

Ben grabbed his backpack and bottle of Patron and gestured to Rey. “Lead the way, baby. Bring that bottle of water too, would you?”

He followed Rey down the hall to her bedroom and took a quick look around. It was fairly sparse but cozy enough, with her queen-sized bed close to the window. She’d been careful to straighten up beforehand ,knowing he’d be staying over, and had splurged on crisp new sheets in a cool mint green. They harmonized with the soft green walls and curtains.

“I think I know what your favorite color is." Smiling, she turned the fan on.

Ben set his bag down and the bottle of Patron the bedside table. “Damn. It’s already hot as fuck in here. That A/C is gonna feel good.” He tugged off his shirt and threw it on the chair. Rey bit her lip, admiring his long, lean body and his little brown nipples, the trail of dark hair from below his belly button that disappeared into the waistband of his jeans. He caught her staring.

“Aren’t you hot, baby? Why don’t you take off some of those clothes?” he cooed.

“Yeah, it’s getting hotter in here by the minute,” Rey agreed..

“Maybe a nice shower? So we can cool off before we get even hotter and sweatier."

Rey sighed. She couldn’t believe this man was her boyfriend--and now, she was about to take a shower with him, he was staying over in her apartment. She still felt the need to pinch herself. How did she get so lucky?

Ben dug out a pair of thin, loose track pants and changed into them quickly as Rey watched.

“I am going to get a few things from the kitchen. When I get back, you’re on the bed, naked. Got it?"

She nodded.

While he was gone, Rey took off her blouse and her jeans but left on her bra and panties. She still had the Ben-Wa balls in and her lower body was aflame with anticipation. She wondered how long they could stay in? When Ben returned he was carrying a small dish of cut-limes, two shot glasses, and a salt shaker. He set everything out on her dresser and his eyes roamed over her.

“Baby, I want you naked." Ben went over and unhooked her bra, exposing her pert little nipples to the air. “Mmm….now that’s better. Don’t you think?” He palmed a breast, letting his thumb run languidly over it, teasing the nipple. His tongue flicked out and caressed it, sending a shockwave of pleasure through Rey. Ben smiled.

Rey licked her lips. “I’ve never had tequila,” she said. “Can I get a shot? Maybe mix it with something?”

“Well, we’re gonna do body shots,” he said. “Or rather, I’m going to do body shots off of you.”

“Body shots?”

“Yes. Lie down, baby."

She stretched out flat across the bed. “Like this?”

“Just like that,” he said, his eyes trailing over her hungrily. “Beautiful.” After a few moments he went to the dresser and poured two shots of Patron. He carried them to her on the bed. Rey turned over on her side and accepted her shot. “Don’t drink it yet,” he said. He went back and brought the limes and salt over. He sat beside her on the bed. "Hold this between your teeth, Kitten....good girl. Now just follow me. First, you’re gonna place the salt where you want it.” He sprinkled some salt on his wrist to demonstrate. “Then, you take the shot. And after that, you suck on the lime. Like this.” He upended the shot and then shifted to her lips to take the lime from her mouth, his lips grazing hers.

Rey copied his movements, and grimaced when the Patron went down. Ben grinned.

“Good job. Now, lie back down.”

Ben poured another shot and brought it over to the bed. He knelt down beside Rey and trailed a hand teasingly along her bare skin, from her hip to just below a breast. He sprinkled some salt between her breasts and then licked it off; then he drizzled a splash of tequila over her nipple and licked. She giggled and squirmed under his tongue, nipples pebbling.

“Ooh…..I think I like that,” she said. “Can I do one now, off you?"

He shook his head. “Kitten has to wait. Kitten was naughty.”

She widened her eyes at him. “Please, Kylo.”

Hearing her plead got to him, but it was way too soon to give up control. “Not yet." He handed her a fresh piece of lime. “Good girl.”

This time he sprinkled salt just under her belly button and poured the tequila into her navel. Some of it ran over the side; he slurped his shot from her belly button, his tongue lapping up the excess. Rey moaned under his tongue, writhing. “Ohh, Kylo….I need...”

“What do you need, Kitten? Tell me.”

She bit her lip.

“Does my girl want to come? Is that it, Kitten? You need to tell me,” he said.

She moaned again. “Yes, please. Can I?"

“Say the words.”

“Please, Kylo…please let me come.”

Ben felt himself growing harder, hearing her plead for him. He wanted to be inside her so badly. He moved for the bottle of water and took a long drink and then held it out for Rey. She shook her head.

“Drink, Kitten. You don’t want to get dehydrated.”

She took the bottle from him and drank deeply; his eyes stayed on her, watching her throat move. Finally, Ben stood up and walked over to the other side of the room. He crouched down and regarded her.

“Crawl over here to me, Kitten.”

Rey sat up on her elbows. “Crawl?”

“Yes.”

“You know what you are, Kylo?” Rey breathed.

Ben tilted his head. “What am I?”

“You’re a pleasure delayer,” she whispered.

Ben chuckled. “'Vanilla Sky.'”

She nodded before crawling over to him across the carpet. Rey knew what she was doing, moving slowly and emphasizing the swing of her hips as she moved toward him. Ben’s eyes were huge. When she was right in front of him on the carpet, she sat up on her knees imploringly. “Is this good, Kylo?”

Ben’s eyes were nearly black, pupils swallowing up the soft honey irises. “Yes. Very good, Kitten. Come here.” He pulled her to him in a lingering, hot kiss. At this point, Rey was almost dissolving in desire. He’d made her wait long enough.

He balanced himself on his knees, scooping her up and getting to his feet a bit awkwardly. Ben swayed a bit, and they both laughed as he struggled to regain equilibrium. He carried Rey to the bed and fell down with her, still kissing her. When he opened his eyes to look at her beneath him, he was suddenly overwhelmed with emotion. She was so lovely, so patient, so trusting. She was everything he wanted. He knew he didn’t deserve her, but he was going to do his best to make her happy.

“You still have them in, don’t you?” he breathed. She nodded, eyes glazed with desire. “Well, we’re going to have to take them out…panties off." He tugged them down over her hips and his fingers slid through her wet folds. Rey mewled softly, her lashes fluttering shut as Ben slid a finger into her and her hips bucked forward. His thumb drew small circles on her clit, her mouth falling open in a muted gasp. She’d been waiting for this for hours; he knew it wouldn’t take her long. Ben watched her face, contorted in pleasure, as she rode his fingers, climbing higher and higher, little breathy moans slipping out. He loved watching her like this.

“That’s good, baby. You’re almost there.”

Rey felt the contractions begin deep in her belly, slowly getting stronger and stronger, clenching around the Ben-Wa balls as she came in a breathless rush, everything going white for a minute. Ben kissed her as she came, swallowing her moans as she shuddered, holding her tight as she began to drift down from the clouds. He kissed her temple and she looked up at him in wonder.

“Can you pull them out?” Rey nodded, reaching inside herself to tug at the string and the balls popped out. Ben took them and wrapped them in some tissue for the moment. He looked back at Rey, eyes dark with desire.

“Now. Now, I get to be inside you.”

Down the hall, Rose had been trying to ignore the sound of Rey’s moans, and they had finally stopped. When they started up again, louder, she pulled out her earbuds and smiled to herself.

“Way to go, Ben.” She chuckled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Paul McCartney and Wings, "My Love." Red Rose Speedway, 1973


	10. Be My Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey play house.
> 
> This one is all fluff, no smut. 😁

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The night we met I knew I needed you so  
> And if I had the chance I'd never let you go  
> So won't you say you love me?  
> I'll make you so proud of me  
> We'll make them turn their heads  
> everywhere we go  
> So won't you be...
> 
> Be my, be my baby  
> Be my little baby  
> My one and only baby  
> Say you'll be my darling  
> Be my baby now..."

[Listen to "Be My Baby" here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrVbawRPO7I)

Ben and Rey were dozing in her bed in a tangle of arms and legs when the downstairs buzzer sounded. Ben groaned drowsily. After a few seconds it buzzed again.

Rey opened her eyes. “Shit, Rose must have gone out,” she said, jumping up. She scrambled to the dresser and pulled out a t-shirt and a pair of shorts. “That's gotta be the air-conditioning guys. “I’ll have them do Rose’s room first.”

Ben watched her get dressed from the bed. “Hmph. I like it better when you’re naked.” He flashed her a lopsided grin.

Rey flushed and shook her head at him affectionately. She almost fell, trying to slide quickly into her shorts. Ben watched her little ass jiggle as she ran. Sighing, he went to grab his cigarettes and waited until he heard voices in the other room. It would take them a little while to get both units installed; now might be a good time to take a shower.

Rey popped back into the room. “They’re here,” she said. Her face fell when she saw the cigarette. “Ben, I’d really prefer it if you didn’t smoke in here. And Rose will have a fit if she smells it.”

His eyebrows lifted. “How about over by the window? I’ll go outside next time.”

Rey shrugged, surrendering. “Fine.”

He got up and moved over to her, still naked. Rey’s eyes feasted on his body, she couldn’t help it. He came over and kissed the top of her head.

“As soon as these bozos are out of here, I’m gonna get you naked again,” he whispered. Rey bit her lip and smiled with anticipation. He took another puff of his cigarette before putting it out on one of the plates that held the lime. “Gonna go take a shower. You could always join me, if the mood strikes.” He winked at her and sauntered across the hall to the bathroom, narrowly avoiding being seen by one of the Best Buy techs.

After a quick shower, Ben wandered out, towel draped around his waist, and across the hall back to Rey’s bedroom. As he passed, the two technicians, Matt and Paul, were standing in the doorway of Rose’s room, having finished installing her brand new A/C. The two guys stopped in their tracks. They looked at Ben, and then at each other.

“Was _that….?”_ Matt started.

“Uhh…not sure,” Paul frowned. “It sure looked like him.”

At that moment Ben wandered back out of Rey’s room and turned to them.

“Oh, hey,” he said casually. “The other A/C goes in that room,” he nodded, then sauntered down the hall to the kitchen.

Matt gawked. "That's definitely him."

“Holy shit," Paul breathed.

Rey was in the kitchen going through the fridge when Ben walked up behind her and gave her ass a squeeze. She jumped, letting out a little squeak, then whirled around to meet his grin.

“Ben!” Her eyes noted the vast expanse of his broad chest. “You’re naked,” she murmured.

His grin widened. “Not quite,” he said. “But I can be.” He cupped her face in his hands and caught her lips in a slow, deep kiss.

Rey pulled back flustered and bit her lip. “Ben, those guys are here.”

“So what? We’re not doing anything,” he chuckled. “Yet.”

Rey smiled and gave him a playful push. “I think we’d better order in. Unless you want some frozen pizza.”

“Hmm,” he said. “Nah, let’s order.” Rey started to move away to the drawer where there were a bunch of takeout menus. She was sifting through them when he moved closer to her again.

“Hey babe,” he said conversationally. “I got something to show you." He reached for her hand and placed it on top of the towel just where his crotch was.

“Bennn, stop!” she shrieked, laughing.

“Excuse me,” said another voice. They both turned to see Matt standing in the doorway, somewhat thrown to see one of his idols standing half-naked in the kitchen with the woman who appeared to be his wife or girlfriend.

“Uhh, we weren’t sure which window you wanted it in,” he said.

“Okay, I’ll show you,” Rey murmured. She walked past him back down the hall.

Matt stood for another moment, still watching Ben. He smiled awkwardly and then went to follow Rey.

Ben went to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc. He opened it, found two glasses and poured one for himself. Then he sat at the kitchen table and started scrolling through his phone.

Shit. He’d missed a call from Austin, and one from Snoke. His mother had mentioned that Snoke had been trying to reach him. But it was Saturday evening and Snoke was the very last person he wanted to speak to right now. He’d let it rest until Monday.

He opened up his playlist of 50-60’s music and scrolled through. It was feeling like a girl-group kind of evening. As Rey returned to the kitchen, the opening strains of “Be My Baby” by The Ronnettes was playing.

“They’ll be done in a few minutes,” she said.

Ben bit his lip, his eyes soft and full of love. Rey felt a warmth bloom in the center of her chest and found herself smiling stupidly.

“What?”

Ben slowly rose from the table.

“Dance with me,” he said. He moved behind her, encircling her in his arms and swaying gently. Rey closed her eyes as he started singing softly into her ear.

“So won’t you say you love me? I’ll make you so proud of me…we’ll make them turn their heads, every place we go….so won’t you please….be my, be my baby.... my one and only baby, say you’ll be my darling...be my baby now…"

Rey turned, tilting her head up to look at him. He gently spun her to face him.

“I love you, Rey.”

Her face, her whole body, lit up with joy. She’d been waiting to hear him say those words.

“I love you, too, Ben."

He leaned down to sweetly capture her lips with his. Their moment was cut short, though, by the return of Paul and Matt, who felt even more awkward now.

Paul cleared his throat and Ben and Rey separated.

“I’m, uh...sorry to interrupt,” he said. “We’re all done.”

“Oh great, man, thanks. Hang on a second.” Ben disappeared into the bedroom.

“That is Kylo Ren, right?” Matt asked Rey.

She nodded and felt herself smiling proudly.

“Yep. Ben. He loves me."

Ben came back, wallet in hand, and gave each of the guys a generous tip. Paul’s eyes bugged when he saw how much it was.

“Thanks guys, for coming out on a Saturday this late in the day. Really appreciate it.” He held out his hand and clapped Matt’s then Paul’s.

“No problem,” Paul said. “Hey, uh we’re both big fans. Love the new record.”

Ben lowered his head in a subtle bow. “Thank you, man.”

They started backing up toward the door.

“We have tickets for the Garden show in September, can’t wait,” Matt said.

“All right. Have a good night, guys,” Ben said as they left.

“Alone at last, baby. I thought they’d never leave,” he chuckled.

“Ben,” she scolded. “So what do you want to eat?”

“You mean, besides you?”

__________________________________________________

While Rey showered, Ben called Austin. Apparently, Snoke was bugging Austin about cancelling so many shows while he recovered from his injury and mentioned wanting to bring in another singer temporarily. Ben didn’t like it, and the whole idea left a sour taste in his mouth. By the time Rey emerged from her shower in fresh clothes, his mood was decidedly darker.

“So you decided to put on some clothes after all, huh?” she said.

He grunted.

“Okay, what’s wrong, Ben?”

“I just spoke with Austin. Snoke has been giving him hell about the cancelled shows. Says he wants to bring in another singer to replace him for the next few weeks.”

“Ooof, that’s not right,” she said.

“Yeah, tell me about it. We might not have a choice.”

Rey regarded him closely, trying to think of how to cheer him up. Then—she had it.

“Hey, where’s that tequila?”

He looked over at her. “In the bedroom, why? You want some?”

“Well, I didn’t have the chance to do any body shots off you, did I?”

A lazy grin crept over his face. “Mmm, that’s true.”

She sauntered over and she knelt down right in front of him. Ben’s eyes got huge.

“So how about it, sexy? You gonna let me find out how tequila tastes on your skin?”

He sat up straighter. “Now, that’s an offer I can't refuse,” he drawled. “But let’s wait til the pizza gets here first. You're gonna need your strength."

Rey climbed up on the couch beside him and rested her head on his shoulder.

“So what’s the plan for tomorrow?”

“Well, I was planning to keep you handcuffed to the bed the entire day…”

Rey punched him in the arm.

He looked pained. “What, no good?” She shook her head.

“Okay, well….I was thinking about maybe doing some apartment hunting…?” it was more of a question than a statement.

Rey sat up straight. “Really?”

“Yeah, I’ve been wanting to get a place in the city for awhile. I told you that before.”

Rey’s emotions were having a little trouble keeping up this new information.

“I remember you mentioning it, yeah, but what about your place in LA?”

He shrugged. “I’ll keep that, for now. But New York really is where I should be when I’m not on the road. I mean, my mom would love it,” he huffed, “although that could actually be more of a downside.” Rey smirked.

“But at least that way, you could come stay with me when I'm not not touring."

“Stay?”

“Yeah….visit, stay. As long as you want....anytime you want."

Rey bit her lip. She was so excited. She leaned forward and kissed him on the nose.

“I love you, Ben Solo.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Be My Baby,” Ellie Greenwich, Jeff Barry & Phil Spector. Presenting the Fabulous Ronnettes, 1963


	11. Love Bites

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Damn, that green-eyed monster. She is a bitch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I don't want to touch you too much baby  
> Cause making love to you might drive me crazy  
> I know you think that love is the way you make it  
> So I don't want to be there when you decide to break it
> 
> Oh, love bites, love bleeds  
> It's bringing me to my knees  
> Love lives, love dies  
> It's no surprise  
> Love begs, love pleads  
> It's what I need..."
> 
> *

[Listen to "Love Bites" here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4XiSFyYRE8)

Sunday morning, Rey and Rose’s apartment.

Rose was in the kitchen alone, making coffee when the soft sound of a cellphone notification sounded. She frowned, wondering where it was coming from, but then realized it was Ben’s phone that had been left on the kitchen table. Out of sheer curiosity, Rose walked closer and looked at it.

The name ZORRIE popped up. Underneath it was a message that read simply: “Hey handsome.”

Rose’s eyebrows shot up. While she only thought the best of Ben, he was just a man after all. A very good-looking and charming man, who also happened to be a rock star. She doubted it was anything Rey needed to worry about, but still. She made a note to see what she could find out.

Rey stirred a little after nine on Sunday morning. Ben was still snoring softly, and she knew he needed the extra sleep, especially considering how much he drank the night before. Rey was starting to learn that Ben could consume a considerable amount of alcohol at any given time, but he never really seemed drunk. He did, however, tend to sleep longer in the morning. She sighed, brushing it off for the time being. She was way too happy with everything else and didn’t want to think about it at the moment.

She washed her face and then popped into the kitchen where Rose was busy cutting up fruit.

“Morning, chica, how was your night?” Rey breezed.

Rose brightened. “Mine was really good. Finn took me to an off-Broadway play and then dinner. We had a great time.”

Rey grinned. “So, you like him?”

Rose smiled. “I do. He’s funny and sweet.” Her eyes followed Rey as she went to pour herself coffee. “Loverboy still sleeping?”

Rey beamed, nodding. “And guess what….”

“Tell me….?”

Rey paused, biting her lip. She looked ready to burst. “He said it.”

Rose frowned for a minute. “'' _It'?_ You mean those three little _words_?”

Rey beamed, nodding. 

“Aww, honey I’m so happy for you! That’s great!”

“I mean, I know we haven’t been together long but I feel like I’ve known him forever. It’s weird. And that’s not all….”

“There’s more?” Rose was busting for her friend.

“Yep. He wants to get an apartment in the city for when he’s not on tour. He’s taking me apartment hunting today!”

“AHHHH!!” Rose shrieked, delighted, jumping up and down. Rey laughed and did a little dance.

Just then Ben appeared, hair rumpled, in nothing but a pair of trackpants sitting low on his waist.

“What did I miss?” he growled. Smiling, Rey went over to give him a little kiss.

“Good morning, pumpkin,” Rose smirked. “Nice of you to join us.”

Ben slid his arms around Rey and peeked at Rose from over her shoulder “Well, this one kept me up half the night, just about wore me out.”

Rey blushed furiously. " _Ben!"_

“Isn’t she cute? I love making her blush. You should see how she--"

Rose held up her hand, cutting him off. “I do _not_ need to hear it, Ben.” She raised an eyebrow at him. “I heard enough as it is.”

Rey covered her eyes in embarrassment and Ben chortled.

“Oh…I know just the thing for that,” he grinned.

“Ben, stop.” Biting her lip, Rey slunk off to the refrigerator, unable to look at Rose.

Ben tilted his head at her. “So how’s that A/C working for ya, Rose?”

“It’s awesome. I slept better than I have this whole month. Really, I can’t thank you enough.” She threw the watermelon into a bowl and started cutting up oranges.

“Ain’t no thang, baby,” he smirked.

“So what kind of shenanigans are you guys up to today?” Rose asked as Rey wandered back to the counter to pour herself a glass of orange juice. She glanced over her shoulder at Rose.

“Oh, right: apartment hunting.” She smiled at Ben.

“Yep,” he said without missing a beat. "I figure we’ll drive into the city, maybe look at some places in Brooklyn, too. Lotsa places do showings on Sundays.”

“I’m gonna go shower, and then I’ll make breakfast,” Rey said.

“Wait for me, baby." As he turned to follow her, Rose reached out and grabbed his arm.

“Listen, Ben. I’m really glad you guys are together, and I haven’t seen Rey this happy, and I mean ever since I’ve known her. But if you hurt her, I will seriously fuck you up.”

Ben took in a breath; he was more than a little thrown by the intensity in Rose’s tone and her fierce expression. He’d never seen her like this before.

“She’s been left behind by too many people, starting with her parents,” Rose continued, her voice softer now. “I don't want to see her go through that again so don’t mess this up. You got me?”

Ben nodded at her slowly. “I have no intention of hurting her. But your point is taken.”

Rose nodded back calmly. “Okay,” she said softly and went back to her fruit salad.  
____________________________________________________

“How late do you think you guys will be back? If you’re home by 6, maybe we can go grab some dinner? I’ll see if I can convince Finn to join us.”

Rey, Rose and Ben were at the dining room table, finishing their breakfast. Ben had been distractedly scrolling through his phone and making note of who he might need to call right away. He put it down in a huff.

Rey glanced at him, and then Rose. “I’m sure we’ll be home by then, right babe?”

Ben nodded at her. “Oh yeah, I would think so.”

Just then there was a little ping and a new message flashed on his screen. Ben picked his phone up, frowning, but said nothing. Rose glanced at Rey.

“Anything important?” Rey asked.

He put it back down. “Nope,” he said with finality. “You gonna be ready to leave in fifteen minutes or so? I need to call Howie and let him we’re ready.”

“I’ll be ready,” Rey said.

Ben got up from the table and sauntered away to make his call. Rey noticed the slight scowl on Rose’s face.

“What’s with the face?”

Rose sighed. “I didn’t want to say anything to you, and it’s…probably nothing….”

“Spit it out.”

“Earlier, before you guys were up, I saw a message pop up on Ben’s phone from someone named Zorrie….”

“…And? What did it say?”

“ ‘Hi handsome.’”

“That’s it?” Rey asked.

Rose shrugged.

“Well, it could be anyone. Industry person, one of the wives---I’ll bet it’s Austin’s wife.”

“No. Austin’s wife is Bazine. I know that much.”

Rey sighed heavily. “I really don’t want to think about this right now, everything was going so well—”

Rose was really starting to feel bad about upsetting her friend now. “Listen, I’m sure it’s not what you’re thinking….but maybe just ask him?”

“Fine. I’ll ask him in the car. Otherwise this shit is going to spoil the whole day.” Rey grumped.

“I’m sorry, sweetie I just—I’m looking out for you,” Rose pleaded.

“I know,” Rey sighed, and hugged her.

Twenty minutes later, Rey and Ben were in the car on their way into Manhattan. Ben noticed the coolness in her demeanor right away. Normally, she’d snuggle up or lean on him while they sat in the back; this time she was keeping her distance. He put his hand on Rey’s knee and squeezed; he was met with a glance that was not exactly warm.

“I thought we’d go downtown first, see what’s what…and then we can just hop on the bridge and check out Brooklyn., maybe Prospect Park or Brooklyn Heights....? ”

Rey nodded, her eyes sliding away. “Okay, " she muttered. 

Ben’s eyebrows shot up. What the hell did he _do_? “Something on your mind, baby?”

Rey chewed the inside of her cheek for a moment and then looked back at him.

“Who’s Zorrie?”

Ben frowned. “Zorrie? An old girlfriend. Why?”

“So why is she texting you?”

Ben rolled his eyes. “Look, we broke up like two years ago. We're over. I don’t have any feelings for her. I keep telling you, you’re the one I want.”

“But if you’re over, why is she still texting you?”

Ben hesitated. “Well, we hooked up a couple of times after the breakup. She’s still hoping something will happen between us, I guess.” He shook his head. "It's not gonna happen, I told her that."

Rey glared at him. “When was the last time?”

“It was more than six months ago,” he said. “Way before I met you.” Rey’s taut shoulders seem to soften a bit. “Okay?”

“You promise?” She kept her eyes down.

“Yes, _I promise._ Rey, you can’t get upset about every woman that looks at me twice. We’ll never get through this. I’m surrounded by fans, and women I don’t know constantly. You have to know that they don’t matter to me. I know who I want, and that's you.” She met his eyes. “I don’t want to lose you over some stupid shit like this. I don’t want to lose you at all," he said, squeezing her thigh.

Rey nodded, and a small smile crept across her face.

“Good. Then if she ever tries to get between us, I’ll scratch her eyes out.” She said it with such sheer determination that Ben felt a flash of arousal. She was truly and absolutely claiming him.

He tilted his chin up, looking at her. “Whoa...You know what, you wanting to fight for me is….pretty hot….” He grinned his adorable crooked grin and Rey melted like butter in a hot pan. Ben moved closer to kiss her and she kissed him back with a ferocity that surprised him. 

First stop was a new apartment building in Tribeca on Greenwich Street, which she loved, but which had a pricetag a little beyond what Ben had in mind. Then they stopped at a place on Cliff Street with incredible views. They wandered around one of the apartments, which had a huge, walk-in closet. Rey walked into it, marveling at the beauty and sheer magnitude of it; Ben followed, hot on her heels.

He grabbed Rey’s hips and held himself close behind her, pressing his crotch against her ass and grinding just a little; she could feel the beginning of his erection through his clothes. She leaned back against him and closed her eyes.

“So, you like this place?” he asked.

“Mmm, I do."

Ben’s tongue snaked out and he licked the tender spot on her neck just beneath her ear. In the dark velvety Kylo voice, he whispered: “Would you like me to fuck you in here, right _now?"_

Rey’s eyes went round as heat flashed through her; she felt herself gush. Her mind was a maelstrom; she wanted it, but public sex was something she had never considered.

But Ben knew her. He was already well on his way to figuring out what turned her on. His hand moved down her chest to tweak a nipple and he felt it harden immediately under his touch.

“Hmm, Kitten? Do you want this?” He kept pressing hot kisses against the shell of her ear and along her throat.

Rey was about to answer when they heard the real estate agent call out to them from the hallway.

“Mr. Solo? What do you think?”

Rey turned to look at Ben and she gave him a wicked grin. “Not here. Let’s go.”

Ben sighed and followed her out.

He told the broker they weren’t sure about it and would get back to him, and then he scooted them straight back to the limo.

“Hey Howie,” he said, staring intently at Rey. "Let's go to The Standard."

____________________________________________________

The Standard was a hot, hip combination hotel and restaurant that was situated in the Meatpacking district, just across from The High Line. Of late, the hotel had developed a reputation for being an exhibitionist's paradise, with women undressing in the windows before the public and even some couples having sex in public view.

"We can get a bite here," Ben smirked.

Rey knew that lunch wasn't the first thing on his mind.

The place was crowded, typically so for a Sunday afternoon, and despite the A/C pumping, fairly warm with human flesh. Although there were a few lingering glances, no one approached Ben. Ben knew what he was talking about when he said New Yorkers were generally cool about celebrities. The waiter brought over menus and he ordered them a round of drinks, then glanced over his shoulder and back at Rey with a cagey smile.

“The bathroom’s right back there. I’ll meet you.” His eyes flashed with a dangerous mischief.

Rey swallowed. Was she really ready to do this?

Rey found her legs carrying her with a little less grace than she would have liked to the back of the room. She was surprised to find several single bathrooms; only one was unoccupied. She glanced back over her shoulder to make sure Ben could see her. He nodded and she slipped inside, closing the door behind her.

Rey stood at the mirror surveying herself. She was flushed, her hair a little messy, but she thought she looked pretty good. She’d worn her favorite summer dress, a pastel peach that complimented her skin tone beautifully. She was stunned by the size of her pupils, black holes that seemed to swallow up her green eyes.

There was no knock. The door creaked open and Ben was there. He locked the door and moved in close, pressed tightly against her body; they stood there for a long moment, staring at each other in the mirror. Ben’s hand came up around her throat, thumb stroking gently. She could tell he was Kylo now, and her blood heated at the thought.

“Tell me, Kitten,” he purred. “ What would you do if another woman tried to take me from you?”

Her mouth went dry, her eyes like fire as she held his gaze in the mirror. She licked her lips.

“I’d fight her.”

Kylo nipped at her ear, hand still against her throat; his other hand trailed down her side and slowly grasped the hem of her dress, pulling it up to her ass.

“Yeah?” he asked, his voice husky. “How would you fight her?” she heard the sound of a zipper and the rustling of fabric. “Tell me.”

Rey watched him, drunk on lust, as his hand snaked under her dress and into her already-soaked panties. She felt his thumb dip into her wetness as he began to roll her clit between his fingers.

“Mmmm, you like this, don’t you, Kitten?” She let out a muted moan in response and he smiled wickedly. "You’re so wet. Tell me how would you fight for me...”

Rey’s eyes slid closed as she lost herself in the feel of his fingers stroking her.

“I’d –I’d slap her, bite her, push—”she was dimly aware of her underwear being pushed down her thighs and then her words cut off with another moan as Kylo thrust into her roughly. Her eyes snapped open to meet his. His hand came up from her throat and clapped against her mouth.

“Shhh…gotta keep your voice down now.” He slowly dragged his cock out, only to slam back into her, shuddering her whole body. “You know there are people just outside the door, right?”

She nodded, watching him through lowered lids. “That’s my girl,” he whispered, nuzzling into her neck, sucking and biting gently.

Kylo picked up the pace, fucking into her with harsh, punishing thrusts. His fingers moved back between her legs, stroking her clit and another muffled groan slipped from Rey; Ben swore under his breath. The sound of flesh slapping against flesh unmistakable. Rey was sure that people could hear them, but at that moment, she was far too caught up in a vortex of pleasure to care. They were both so turned on, it wouldn't take either of them long.

“Shit-- I’m gonna come, Rey….are you with me?”

She nodded, tears prickling the corners of her eyes; it felt so good, she didn’t want him to stop, didn't want it to end.

“Come on, baby. Come for me,” he groaned into her ear.

Rey’s eyes rolled back as her climax hit her, moans buried by his hand over her mouth.

“ _Fuuuuuck_ ,” Kylo growled, hips jolting, as he spasmed forward, his hand falling from her mouth and grasping her hips as he emptied himself into her.

They stood for another moment, blissed out, taking a moment for a brief, hot kiss. He cupped her face sweetly. "See you outside, baby."

“I’m ready to eat now,” she grinned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to all of you who have been following this fic and supporting me and my writing! I looooove comments too, please don't hesitate to leave one and let me know what you think. Love you all! xx
> 
> *"Love Bites," Def Leppard. Hysteria, 1987


	12. Let My Love Open the Door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben deals with major band issues and has to return to LA....
> 
> I know some people will be disappointed that there's no smut in this chapter, but I'm trying to keep everything balanced for the integrity of the story as a whole. It just didn't fit here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "When people keep repeating  
> That you'll never fall in love  
> When everybody keeps retreating  
> And you can't seem to get enough
> 
> Let my love open the door  
> Let my love open the door  
> Let my love open the door  
> To your heart...  
> .."

Rey and Rose’s apartment. Monday morning, 7:30am. 

Rey had just finished her shower and was getting dressed when she heard yelling coming from the living room.   
  
Ben was pissed. _Reallllly pissed._

  
“No…. _NO!_ He can’t decide to do this last minute shit! When are we supposed to have time to fucking _REHEARSE?_ ”

  
Rey padded over to watch him, pacing angrily as he yelled into the phone. It was 7:30 in the morning; yelling that way when you live in an apartment is not okay. She needed to remind him. When he saw her, he held up his hand: _one moment._

  
“Ben.”

  
“No, Austin. This is absolute BULLSHIT and I’m gonna call and rip him a new one myself!”

  
“Ben.” He ignored her, wrapped up in the conversation.

  
“Alright….alright man, I’ll talk to you later. I’m really sorry about this, buddy.”

  
He hung up and looked over at her. “Hey,” he sighed. "Sorry about that, baby."

  
“Ben, it’s too early to be yelling that way. I’ve gotta go get dressed, it’s already 7:30.”

  
"Fucking Snoke decided to bring Armitage Hux in to replace Austin for the next four weeks. I don’t see how that is going to fly with the fans, not to mention it’s completely unfair to Austin. Plus, now I have to head back to LA pronto so we can rehearse with Hux. Shit,” he grunted. 

Rey's mouth fell open. "So you have to leave right away?"

"Yeah, Kady's going to get me a flight out tonight. I'm gonna call her and ask her to make it as late as possible."

Rey's face fell. "I thought we'd have a few more days."

Ben went over to her and touched her cheek. "I know, babe, I did too. Can you call in sick today? Please? So we can spend a little more time together?"

Rey sighed. "I shouldn't," she said.

"I promise I'll make it worthwhile," he grinned, kissing the corner of her mouth. 

"Fine," she muttered. "I just can't say no to you. You're gonna get spoiled."

He grinned. "I could live with that." 

She sighed and turned to walk back to the bedroom.

"Rey, come here," he called.

She turned and walked back to him.

"You know I love you, baby. You're too good for me." He kissed her.

Rey gave him a cheeky smile. "I know."

He swatted her playfully. "Oh, and I was thinking.....what about that photo shoot you wanted to do? Can we do it here, today?"

"I don't have all my equipment, Ben. I need the proper lights and that's downtown at the gallery."

"So, can't you improvise? As long as you have a camera..."

"I dunno," she started. "The lighting in here isn't all that great. I mean, unless we just use natural light."

"Yeah....exactly."

"I could always reshoot if it doesn't come out like I want it..." Ben smiled. "Okay, Mr. Solo, you're on. Be ready."

"You know me, baby. I'm always ready."

____________________________________________________

“Good morning, Empire Management.”

“Hey Phasma, it’s Ben. Would you put me through to your asshole of a boss, please?”

“Ben, he’s really not in the greatest mood. I suggest you tread lightly.”

“Oh, that’s very nice because I’m not in the greatest of moods either. He’s fucking with my band and I don’t appreciate it.”

“Hold on, let me see if he’ll take you.”

Ben was pacing the living room again, fists clenched while he waited on hold to confront Snoke. His mind reeled with all the things he wanted to say to his manager, about how he resented Snoke’s unjustified grab for creative control, his disrespect of his bandmates—all of it. He was fully prepared to tell the man off until he heard his deep, cold voice echo through the speaker.

“Yes, Ben. What’s the word?”

“I was on the phone with Austin earlier. What’s this bullshit I hear about you bringing in Armitage Hux to front the band?”

“Well, Austin’s not going to be able to perform for the next few weeks so it seemed like the best course of action. We just can’t keep canceling shows, we’re losing too much money.”

“And what makes you think the fans are going to be okay with that? Did you give any thought to that at all, you—” Ben bit his tongue to stifle the long trail of insults primed to burst from his lips.

“Ben, let me remind you that the fans are not the ones managing this band.”

_And pretty soon, you won’t be either._

“You can’t make all these last minute changes, Snoke. You’re jerking us around—”

“Ben, I haven’t gotten complaints from anyone else. Even Austin was understanding, all things—”

“That’s because they’re all fucking _scared_ of you, you asshole. But I’m not. This is _my band!”_ Ben was practically snarling. He didn’t even notice when Rey entered the apartment with a bag.

“Well, you _should be_ scared. We have a contract and if you try to break it, don’t think for a second that I won’t sue you for everything you’re worth.”

Ben closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths, trying to reign himself in.

"You release your second album, and suddenly you think you know more about the music industry than I do? I've been in this business for _twenty-four_ fucking years!" Snoke spat.

Ben rolled his eyes. 

Snoke continued, “Now, make sure you’re back in the studio tomorrow morning by eleven. Hux is coming in so you’ll all meet him and start rehearsals. Listen, you should be glad we got him. He’s a good singer.”

Ben’s jaw was clenched tight. “Whatever,” he muttered.

“And make sure you’re sober when you get there,” Snoke said.

As soon as he hung up, Ben let out a growl of frustration. “MOTHERFUCKER!" He screamed, throwing his phone across the room. It hit the wall with a dull thud before falling to the floor. It was only then that he noticed Rey standing in the kitchen doorway, watching him with a shocked look on her face. _This_ was new to her. She’d never experienced the famous Solo temper before.

“Ben, what the _hell?_ ”

He stood, rubbing his face and trying to calm down. Finally, he walked over to where he threw his phone.

“Goddamn Snoke,” he said. “I never should have signed with that guy.”

Rey watched him, feeling the pain and frustration rolling off him in waves. He picked his phone up from the floor and looked at it.

“Broken?”

“Screen’s cracked,” he snuffed. “But it works, anyway. Thank god for Otter Box," he chuckled. "I’ll have Kay order me a new one. Fuck, I’m so _pissed.”_

“Why don’t you take some deep breaths and come sit down with me. I’ve got your egg sandwich.”

He sighed, his shoulders sagging a little. “Thanks, babe.” He walked slowly over to her and bent down so he could rest his head on her shoulder. Rey stroked his hair gently.

“It’s gonna be okay,” she murmured, and he wrapped himself around her in a tight embrace.

_______________________________________________

"Are you ready?" Rey called. 

She had her camera and tripod set up and was adjusting her focus on him. Ben was sitting on a stool, his acoustic guitar in his lap. He was barefoot and wearing his usual jeans and a black t-shirt. Rey had convinced him to show himself in his natural element. The midday light was streaming in, highlighting the contrast between his dark hair and pale skin, his full lips, the angle of his jaw. She thought he looked incredibly handsome as he fiddled around with the guitar, tuning up.

"Yeah," he said. "I guess." He glanced around. "Is it too early for a drink?" 

Rey cocked an eyebrow at him. "It's one-thirty in the afternoon, Ben."

"Well, you said I should be in my 'natural element,' and I usually drink when I'm writing."

"I wasn't aware that you were writing at the moment," Rey drawled. "Okay, fine. If it helps you relax... _.one drink_."

He got up to reach for the bottle of Patron and poured two fingers in a glass. "I need ice, babe. I'll be right back."

She nodded. 

When Ben returned with his drank and settled back down, he motioned for her to get started.   
  
"What should I play?" he asked. "Pick something."

Rey positioned herself behind the camera and took a few warm up shots. "Something by The Who."

He nodded. "Got it."

Ben started strumming chords and Rey quickly recognized the opening bars of a song she loved. She took the camera from the tripod and walked slowly around the room, circling him and snapping photos as he played.

"When people keep repeating, that you'll never fall in love.....When everybody keeps retreating and you can't seem to get enough....

Let my love open the door, let my love open the door, let my love open the door to your heart...." 

Rey chimed in with him, singing the chorus. 

"Let my love open the door, let my love open the door

"I got the only key to your heart....I can stop you falling apart, try today you'll find this way, come on and give me a chance to say...

Let my love open the door, it's all I'm living for..."

As he wrapped up the song, Rey beamed at him over her camera. 

"That's one of my favorites," she said.

"Mine too, although technically it's a _Pete Townshend,_ not a Who song, but then he wrote most of their songs anyway, so...." he shrugged. "Okay, what's next?"

Rey bit her lip. "When do I get to hear the ballad?"

Ben smiled secretively. "Not yet. I want you to hear it with the whole band."

"Well, can you at least tell me the title, or sing a line or two?"  
  


"It's called, 'All Your Tomorrows,' and that's all you're getting right now." He grinned.

"Meanie. Play something else." 

After several more songs, including one Knights of Ren song, Ben asked, "Are we almost done?"

"Yes. I have a feeling these are going to be great."

"Cool," he grinned.

Rey cocked her head. "How about we do a few shirtless ones?"

Ben smirked. "If that's what you want, baby. But I want to run up to the roof for a cig first, okay?" 

"I think that door is locked, but you can try. If not, you can just blow it out the window."

"Okay." His phone sounded then and he glanced at it. "It's Kay. She got me on an 11:30 flight. So you get to have me until 8 or so before I head to the airport." 

"Alright. What do you want to do until then?"

Ben smiled. "Hmm, I can think of a few things." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Let My Love Open the Door," Pete Townshend. Empty Glass, 1980


	13. Everything I do, I do for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben is forced to return to LA because of Snoke's decision to continue the tour with a different lead vocalist: Armitage Hux from the indie band, Danger Co.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Look into my eyes, you will see  
> What you mean to me  
> Search your heart, search your soul  
> When you find me there you'll search no more  
> You can't tell me it's not worth fighting for  
> You can't tell me it's not worth dying for  
> You know it’s true:  
> Everything I do..I do it for you”

Saying goodbye to Rey before he left for the airport was one of the hardest things Ben ever had to do. She wanted to ride to the airport with him and take a cab back, but it just didn’t make any sense for her to go through all that, so he told her no. They stood in her lobby, wrapped in each other’s arms; her fingers dug into him so hard that it hurt, but not nearly as much as his heart did. When he pulled back to look at her, her eyes were wet with tears.

“I love you,” she hiccupped.

“I love you too, babe,” he whispered. “So much. I’ll see you soon. Text me later, okay?” Seeing her so upset just made him hurt more.

“Okay,” she sniffled. “Safe flight.”

After one last kiss, he forced himself away from her and got in the car. He hated leaving her, and he knew that if he stayed any longer, he’d find some excuse not to go. But then the shit would really hit the fan.

As he sat in the back of the limo, Ben felt an emptiness open up in his chest. When he woke up tomorrow morning in his own bed, she wouldn’t be there, and the thought cut him to the core. And so he resorted to easing the pain of their separation in the only way he knew how: he wrote...and he drank.

Once he was seated in First Class, he ordered a double vodka tonic and reminded himself to go easy. The Knights had rehearsal at eleven tomorrow, with their new pinch-hitting lead singer, Armitage Hux. Normally, Ben didn’t mind rehearsing, even enjoyed it. But he hated having to leave Rey suddenly like this, and he was still pissed at Snoke for pushing Austin aside. This was not something he was looking forward to.

To make matters worse, he’d heard that Hux was a bit of a prima donna. Ugh. Star lead-singer energy. He just hoped Hux wouldn’t be too much of an asshole.

Tuesday morning. Corellian studios. 11:25am

Ben was late. Almost half an hour late, actually. The guys were _not pleased._

Of course, he woke up feeling like crap and had to dose himself up with a triple espresso and some aspirin. He even did a line in the car, something he hadn’t done since he met Rey, but this morning he felt in need of as much bolstering as possible.

  
When he walked in, the guys were standing around, waiting for him. Hux was onstage, his bright orange hair like a flame. Fucking _ginger._ His natural hair couldn’t possibly be _that_ red. He was dressed in all black, with a leather studded wrist band and a black bandana around his head. Ben mentally rolled his eyes.

  
“Well, look who finally decided to grace us with his presence,” Vic snorted.

  
Ben looked around the room, eyebrows raised, at the pissed off faces. He pulled his sunglasses off, looked at the floor and cleared his throat.

  
“I’m sorry, guys. Flight got in late. I didn’t get much sleep.”

  
Steve muttered something under his breath. Ben looked up and met his eyes.

  
“Is there a problem?”

  
“Let’s just on with it, man. Meet our frontman for the next few weeks, Hux.”

  
Ben’s gaze settled on the redhead as he strode quickly over on his long, skinny legs and held his hand out.

  
“It’s an honor, man,” Hux said solemnly. “I’m a big fan.”

  
Ben nodded and clasped his hand. “Yeah. Me too, Danger Co. was really great. Thanks for helping us out.” Just then he glanced around the room. “Snoke didn’t show?”

  
“Nope,” said Vic. “He’s gonna stop by later. Or so he said.”

  
“Well, shit I don’t care if he doesn’t show up at all,” Ben laughed. “It wouldn’t bother me a bit. The man’s got a toxic energy. Alright then, let’s go over the set list and get started.”

  
______________________________________________________________

  
Ben watched Hux command the stage and he had to admit, he _was_ a good frontman. His voice was surprisingly bluesy for such a pale-skinned guy with red hair. He sounded especially good on “Blood and Wine,” but Ben was still bothered by _the look._

  
After they did a few more songs, Ben called a band meeting before they broke for lunch.

  
“Sounds good, Hux, really good. Try to keep it in the lower registers as much as possible, you sound better that way. And I’d like you to lose the headband onstage, yeah? Maybe tone down the leather and shit.” He shrugged. “Otherwise, I’m happy.”

  
“I’m sorry, Ben, but I wasn’t aware there was a _dress code,_ ” Hux said, just a bit of testiness in his voice. 

  
“Not a dress code, but we are a band, and we’re not metal. And you’re _not_ fucking _Axl Rose_.”

That prompted a snicker from Steve’s direction but no one else said anything.

  
“The headband keeps the sweat out of my eyes,” Hux muttered.

  
“All good, wear it in rehearsal and whatever, just not onstage. We’re a band. You don’t blend in.”

  
“I’m not supposed to blend. People are used to my look,” Hux drawled.

  
“Yeah, but Hux...people are not coming to see _you_ this time, they’re coming to see Knights of Ren. You just happen to be covering lead.” Ben cocked an eyebrow at Hux, daring him to push back.

  
“Ben, give it a rest, would ya,” Vic piped up.

  
“Seriously, Vic? Anyone else got a problem with what I’m saying? Because if you do, let me remind you who started this band.”

  
Glances were exchanged between Steve, Vic and Tony.

“Fine,” Tony grumbled. “You mentioned something about a new song?”

  
“Yes, Tony, thanks for reminding me. I have one finished and another one halfway there that I started on the plane. But.. you guys need to hear me out, okay? It’s a ballad….” his eyes swept over each of them in turn, waiting for a reaction.

  
Neither Vic nor Steve seemed to care; only Tony had something to say.

  
“Oh, so we’re going to start doing ballads now? Since you’re in love, we’re gonna end up doing a bunch of love songs?”

  
Ben gave him a cryptic look. “Well, you know….anything is possible. I don’t expect that though. If it turns out that I want to record an album of love songs, I’ll do it solo.”

Steve snickered. "That would be interesting: "Solo, Solo". He laughed again, louder. "Great album title." 

Ben chuckled. "Thanks, Steve. I may use that." 

“Alright, let’s hear it,” Tony said.

  
Ben picked up his acoustic and started strumming the opening chords for “All Your Tomorrows.” He closed his eyes and pictured his darling, sweet baby girl. Rey, laughing at one of his stupid jokes....Rey blushing when he teased her, or when he kissed her nipples. The feel of her lips against his.... the soft noises she made while he was touching her...the look in her eyes after he kissed her goodbye. All those things flashed through his memory as he played the song, caught up in longing and the remnants of pleasure that lingered in his brain. 

“I need to feel you breathing  
And I need to see your smile  
Always be with me  
I would drive a thousand miles

I’m hoping and I’m praying  
all your tomorrows will begin with me  
I’m hoping and I’m praying  
all your tomorrows will end with me…”

By the time he finished the song, they were all nodding.

“Damn, that is one romantic song,” Tony nodded. “I like it."

“That could be really good with a piano opening, or something orchestral like November Rain," Hux suggested.

"I can't see Austin singing that one," Steve said. "It feels too personal. Maybe you should do it yourself, acoustic."

"Yeah, why not? Like Keith always sang one song of his own on every Stones album," Tony said. 

Ben smiled. "Thanks, guys. And yeah, I did think that. I want to preview it at the Garden show in September. So by then we'll get it figured out."

“Yeah, we all like it,” Vic said. “But Snoke is gonna hate it.”

“Fuck Snoke.” Ben spat. 

___________________________________________________________

On their break, Ben went outside for a cigarette and checked his messages: Snoke, Leia and Rey had all texted him. And damn Zorrie, again. Why the hell was she still bothering him? He needed to block her number. He was with Rey now.

He was texting Rey when he heard a voice behind him, a voice that never failed to send icy fingers of dread down his spine.

“How’s it going then, Ben?”

He turned slowly. Snoke’s face was creased into something that was supposed to be a smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“It’s going,” he said.

“Fine, fine. You don’t look too much the worse for wear,” Snoke huffed.

Ben pulled on his cigarette and only nodded.

"And Hux?"

“Fine,” Ben said coolly. “Good.”

“Oh, good.” Snoke nodded. “I’ll leave you to it then. First show is Cleveland, tomorrow night.”

Ben felt bile rise in his throat. “ _Tomorrow?_ That’s not enough time,” he started. “We just started—”

“We have to make up for some lost time, hmm? I’m sure you’ll work it out.” Snoke nodded and shifted away, heading inside.

Ben stood watching him. He screwed his eyes shut and took in some deep breaths. They could do it. They would make it work. _Embrace the suck._

He needed a drink.

___________________________________________________________

Ben was home a little after seven; time to relax, finally. He grabbed a beer from the fridge and dialed Rey. it was already after ten in New York and he didn’t want to keep her up, waiting for him.

“Ben,” she said. Joy flooded his body at the sound of her voice. It was the best thing he heard all day.

“Hey, baby,” he said, voice cracking a bit.

“How was rehearsal? And Hux?"

“Well, you know. It was good. It’s gonna work out okay. But I miss you.”

“I miss you too, so much. And it’s only been twenty -four hours,” she laughed a little.

“I know. Twenty-four hours too long. How was your day?”

“It was alright,” she sighed. “I just wish you were still here.”

He squeezed his eyes shut. “I know baby, I know. Will you call that realtor tomorrow? I want to put a bid on that place. The one in Chelsea.”

“Yeah?” she sounded so hopeful, it tugged at his heart. “Of course, I’ll do it.”

“Good. And I’ll fly back as soon as I get the chance.” He swallowed. “You getting ready for bed?”

“Yeah, I just took a shower. I don’t know how we survived without the A/C this long. Rose won’t shut up about it,” she giggled.

“God, I miss you.”

“Me too.”

“What are you wearing right now?” he grinned. “That little nightie I like?”

Rey bit her lip; she knew what he was thinking. “Yeah. And no panties.”

He groaned. “Oh _fuck_ , Rey. That’s so unfair.”

She breathed a little laugh and he could tell she was turned on.

“Will you do me a favor, baby? Pinch one of those sweet little nipples for me.” He heard a soft gasp on the other end. “Are they hard?”

“Ben,” she scolded.

“Come on, kitten. You know I’m aching for you.”

She moaned softly on the other end and he felt stirring in his groin.

“Yes,” she whispered. “But Rose is here.”

“Go into your room then,” he begged. “Please kitten, I need this.”

“Okay.”

He waited until he heard the door shut. He closed his eyes, picturing her...reaching out to her through the bond they shared.

“Lie down, kitten and run your fingers down your body. I want to hear you touch yourself. Are you wet?”

“Yes. Just hearing your voice….”

He talked her through it, stroking himself as she made herself come, calling out his name. For a little while, they could pretend they were together. It helped to ease the ache, just a bit.

“I love you so much,” she said. “Will you call me tomorrow?”

"Of course. I love you too, baby. Can’t wait for you to hear the new song.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "(Everything I Do) I Do it For You," Bryan Adams. Waking Up the Neighbors, 1991.


	14. Lead Me Not into Temptation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben's been away from Rey for nearly six weeks and he's finding their separation to be really difficult. Even more so when there are temptations in the form of a certain ex-girlfriend.
> 
> I knowww a lot of you are not going to like this chapter, but let me remind you of two things: 1) Ben is not perfect, he's just a man (with a very high sex drive and addiction issues,) and 2) this story will have a happy ending.  
> 😊

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I sit here on the stairs cause I'd rather be alone  
> If I can't have you right now, I'll wait here  
> Sometimes I get so tense but I can't speed up the time  
> And you know, love, there's one more thing to consider.
> 
> Said woman, take it slow, and things will be just fine  
> All we need is just a little patience  
> Said sugar, take the time  
> Cause the lights are shining bright  
> You and I've got what it takes to make it"  
> 

Ben’s alarm went off at eight a.m. as always, and he groaned. He was already getting sick of touring and it had only been six weeks. The really painful part was being away from his girl, it was so hard not to be able to see her and hold her all the time. It seemed that had become more important to him than anything else.

 _Six fucking weeks_. At least he’d be able to see her the first week of September, he just had to hold out a little longer. Waking up with morning wood and a hangover was not a good combo. He palmed himself, running down his length. Ben knew he should just jerk off and be done with it, but he really, really wanted to hear her voice. He glanced guiltily at the clock again; it would be a little after eleven in New York and she’d be at the gallery. He knew he shouldn’t, he knew it was selfish but he just couldn’t stop himself from calling her.

Rey was getting ready to go into a meeting with Amilyn and the rest of the staff when her phone rang. She saw BEN pop up on the screen and her heart soared, but she knew it really wasn’t the best time to pick up. He’d probably want to talk dirty, have her help him get off; he’d done it more than once. Not that she minded, _at all,_ she rather liked it, but he usually called in the evening, when she was at home and could just let loose. She bit her lip and gave in.

“Hi, my love,” she breathed.

“Hey, baby girl,” he rasped, his voice still gravely from sleep. “Miss me?”

“You _know_ I do. So much.”

“I miss you like crazy,” he sighed.

“Ben, can we talk later? I’m supposed to go into a meeting—”

“Aww, can you give me just a few minutes, baby? I woke up horny as fuck and I just need to hear your voice,” he pleaded.

Her face flushed pink. “Ben, I’m at work,” she whispered. _Like he didn’t know._ “Have to go into a meeting right _now.”_

“Well, it’s not like you have me on speaker or anything, do you?” he grinned. “You don’t have to say anything other than yes or no, or…. _please._ ”

Rey glanced over her shoulder as Finn, Poe and Bazine entered the conference room.

Finn raised his eyebrows at her. “Are you coming, Rey?”

“Just one second,” she said. “Kind of an important call.”

Ben laughed. “That’s my girl….my good girl. God, just hearing your voice gets me even harder.”

Rey heard him groan and knew he was stroking himself. She felt her pussy clench on empty air and wished she could be with him.

“Rey...are you getting wet for me?”

Rey stifled a moan, thinking about his hands—his huge, rough, gentle hands, playing with her nipples. “Uh huh.”

“Mmm, that’s right, baby. Love it when you get wet…. _so wet_ for me…shit.” His breath was growing a little ragged. “It’s all for me, right?”

“Yes, Ben,” she murmured, more than a little turned on at hearing how worked up he was, knowing what he was doing on the other end of the line.

“You like having my cock in you, don’t you?”

“Oh, hell yeah,” she managed, and he groaned again.

“Baby, remember when we were at The Standard? And I fucked you in the bathroom? With people right outside the door?”

She smiled to herself at the memory. “Mmmhmm."

"That was soo hot, goddamnit...you liked it too, baby, right?"

"Mmmm....loved it."

"Can you say 'please'? Say, 'please fuck me, Kylo.'"

"Ben, I..."

 _"Come on,_ Rey..."

Her eyes slid over to the conference room door, closed now. She lowered her voice.

" _Please fuck me, Kylo. I need you."_ She heard a strangled moan on the other side.

“Your pussy is so sweet and tight, the way it _grabs me_ when I plunge into you and— _Fuck!_ ” he barked.

Rey bit back a tiny laugh. “You okay?”

“Yeah….I just---I came pretty hard.” He caught his breath, laughing a little. “Thanks, babe.”

“I didn’t do anything,” she giggled.

“Well, thanks for just being your sweet, perfect self and indulging me. I’ll see you in ten days. It can’t come fast enough for me.”

“I know, I can’t wait to see you. I love you.’

“Love you too, babe. So much.”

____________________________________________________

When they had hung up, he scrolled quickly through his new messages: one from Leia, a couple from the studio, and one from Zorrie, his ex-girlfriend. He didn’t even read it but immediately deleted and then blocked her number. He’d asked her several times to stop calling and texting, told her he was with someone else now, but she didn‘t seem to take the hint. Blocking her seemed like the only solution. As she turned on the hotel shower, adjusting it before stepping inside, he had a quick realization. They were in Phoenix, Zorrie’s hometown. If she wanted to go to the show, that was her business, but he had no intention of entertaining her. 

  
____________________________________________________

Ben got to rehearsal on time. He was actually feeling pretty good today; things were looking up, especially now that Austin with back with the Knights. After nearly six weeks absence, he got right back into the groove without missing a beat like the true professional that he was. In the preceding weeks before his return, Ben had found himself increasingly frustrated by Hux’s insistence on special treatment. All of the Knights were down to Earth; none of them had any rock star pretensions, so Hux really didn’t fit in. When he was really annoyed with Hux, Ben would occasionally refer to him as “Axl” since he knew it pissed him off. 

The upside, though, was that someone had the bright idea to suggest using the Guns and Roses song “Patience” as a warm-up and it had since become part of their regular practice lineup. Ben loved the idea, since it was a ballad and he wanted to get the guys more comfortable with playing ballads. They had been rehearsing Ben’s song for Rey frequently, Ben singing lead, and had started talking about releasing it as a single. Even Snoke, surprisingly, seemed to think it was a good idea. 

  
Ben was stoked. He couldn’t wait to debut it at the show at Madison Square Garden next month, with Rey in attendance. It would be an unplugged version, a special gift for her. He couldn't wait to see her reaction. 

_________________________________________________

The show at the Talking Stick Resort arena was a resounding success. As usual, Ben had little interest in hanging out afterwards so he headed back fairly quickly to the hotel. All he wanted to do was take a hot shower, have another drink and call Rey. Even thought it would be well after two a.m. in New York, she had texted him earlier and asked that he call her whatever time he was done. Knowing that she missed him as much as he missed gave him a rush of joy. 

Ben really hadn’t eaten since noon, so he ordered a club sandwich and fries from room service and went to take his shower. He’d had a couple of shots backstage before he left, but nothing to eat, so now he was really hungry. 

He had just finished showering and emerged from the bathroom in a towel, heading straight for the minibar when there was a knock on the door. Room service, he assumed.

  
“Just a sec,” he called out before walking over to fling the door open. What he saw on the other side was not hotel staff but a familiar face, and not a welcome one. 

  
“Zorrie, what the _fuck_ do you want?”

  
“Hi, Bennyyy," she cooed flirtatiously. Her eyes skimmed his body, naked but for the towel. She licked her lips, making them shine under a coat of lipstick. “Didn’t you see my texts?”

“No,” he said. “I blocked you. And I already told you to stay away.”

  
She pouted. “Aww, you didn’t really mean that, did you?”

"Yes. I really meant it. I'm with Rey now. And it's serious." 

_"Ray?"_ she frowned in confusion. 

"Rey, with an 'e'," he snipped. "Not that it's any of your business. And how the hell did you even get up here?"

She smirked. "You should change up your alias every now and again. I remembered that you always book under either Ben Kenobi or Han Solo." She laughed. 

He sighed. Despite himself, he found his eyes roving over her form. She was wearing tight jean shorts and a white midriff top that showed off her toned body and flat belly; he had to admit, she looked _good._ Ben dragged his eyes away. 

"Good-bye, Zorrie.”

“Aww, come on. You can’t even offer me an _itty-bitty drink_ , just for the sake of old times?

Ben pursed his lips. “That ship has sailed,” he said.

That’s when Zorrie reached into her cleavage with her long, burgundy nails and pulled out her trump card: a small bag of white powder. “Come on, Ben. One drink, and I’d be willing to share…..”she waved it temptingly. Ben licked his lips. He hadn’t done coke for months, except on one particularly difficult morning when he was especially hungover and needed it to get going for rehearsal. 

“Is that blow?”

She smiled. “Of course. I have some Molly too, but….”

“No. _No_ Molly. Absolutely not," he said unmoving, his hand gripping the doorknob tightly.

“So…..can I come in?”

Ben gritted his teeth. “Fine. _One drink_ ,” he said. “Give me a minute to go grab a robe,” he said.

Triumphant, Zorrie sauntered inside and sat herself down on the couch while Ben nipped to the bathroom to wrap himself in one of the hotel's luxe white robes. When he returned to the room, Zorrie was perched seductively on the couch, long, sun-kissed legs crossed. 

You didn’t have to add more clothes on my account,” she drawled. “I prefer you naked. Remember?”

“Listen, listen,” he started, shaking his head. “Behave yourself or you can leave right _now.”_

She smirked.

“What do you want to drink?”

“I’ll have whatever you’re having,” she said diplomatically.

“Fine. Spicy Bloody Mary, coming up.”

He turned away from her and back to the minibar, pulling out a couple mini bottles of Absolut, a can of spicy V8 and an ice bucket. He set to work, efficiently mixing the two drinks. When he turned around, Zorrie was lying back on the couch, a line of white powder sprinkled invitingly down her torso. Ben felt his mouth go dry; his cock responded, goddamn traitor that it was. He heaved a shuddery sigh before walking over and setting her drink on the coffee table.

“It’s not going to work,” he said. “You’re not gonna get what you want.” He looked at her defiantly and took a slug of his drink.

“And what _exactly_ is it that you think I want, Ben?” she asked, throwing him her best butter-wouldn’t-melt-in-my-mouth look.

He sighed, doing his best to keep his eyes on her face and not the long smooth expanse of her torso, her lovely breasts displayed just so by a black push-up bra--he could see the strap. She was just so invitingly laid out for him, just waiting for his hands, his mouth, his dick.

“Zorrie...I’m _not_ going to fuck you.”

She put a finger in her mouth and bit down, playing the role of centerfold as best she could. “That’s okay,” she said brightly. “But you don’t want to let this blow go to waste, do you?”

She saw a dark shadow cross his face, one that was shining with challenge, with hunger, and something else. 

Someone knocked on the door. “Room service,” the voice called. Ben’s eyes flashed a warning and he rose to get his food, but he said nothing. Zorrie smiled to herself. She was well accustomed to his ways, and would have been fully prepared to lie there on the couch while he ate his food, making her wait until he did the coke. She knew all about Ben's dark side, his amped-up libido; she knew all about Kylo. Ben left his food sitting on the small breakfast table and drifted back to her.

“Behave yourself,” he growled, as he sank down to his knees beside the couch. The line of his jaw was set tight, but Zorrie could see the black of his pupils, already blown. “I'm not kidding. Are you going to _behave?_ ” 

She fluttered her lashes and laughed softly under her breath. Ben took a breath and leaned forward, resting his chin on her torso. He quickly snorted half of the line, the rush hitting him like a freight train. He sank back on his heels, pupils fully blown.

“Holy fuck,” he said. “Where’d you get that shit?”

“I have a friend who has a friend,” she smirked. “Are you gonna do the rest?” 

Ben said nothing; something had switched over in his brain. He moved his head back down to her belly and snorted what was left. He was rock hard now, his mind racing with thoughts that he did not want to think.

“That’s some good shit,” he growled, eyeing her. His finger swiped at the remnants on her belly and he ran it over his gums. _"Fuck."_

There was something different about him now, something darker. A slow, hungry smile crept across Zorrie’s lips and she reached for Ben’s erection inside the robe; he made no attempt to stop her this time. 

“Well, hello _, Kylo,_ ” she blinked, smiling. “I’ve missed you.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Patience," Axl Rose, Saul Hudson, Izzy Stradlin, Duff McKagan & Steven Adler. G&R Lies, Universal Music, 1989.


	15. Hard for Me to Say I'm Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben fucked up. To tell Rey, or not to tell Rey? He's screwed either way. 
> 
> Major angst ahead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Hold me now  
> It's hard for me to say I'm sorry  
> I just want you to stay
> 
> After all that we've been through  
> I will make it up to you  
> I promise to  
> And after all that's been said and done  
> You're just the part of me I can't let go."

Rey woke up Friday morning with a knot in her stomach. Ben hadn’t called. They had spoken on the phone every single day since he went on tour, no matter what time of day or night, even if it was just for a few minutes. And last night, she had texted him to call her after the show, no matter how late. But for some reason, he didn’t. She couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. Surely, if there had been an accident, someone in the band would have let her know?

She was distracted at work; every time she picked up the phone, she was hoping it would be him. That wouldn’t make sense, of course, because he’d call her on her cell. But she couldn’t focus on anything else.

By ten-fifteen, she got sick of waiting. It was just after seven in Phoenix, which was a reasonable hour to call someone close if you were worried about them, she thought. Well, either way, fuck _reasonable._ She needed to know.

Her cell rang three times and she was afraid it was going to voicemail when he finally picked up.

  
“Hello?” he huffed groggily.

She knew she had woken him, but she couldn't muster any guilt about it--she was too worried. She could picture him on the other end, with his adorable bedhead that she loved so much, and her stomach flipped over.

“Ben, is everything okay?”

“Ahh, hey baby,” he croaked. “I’m so sorry I didn’t call last night.”

“I was worried. Did something happen?”

She heard a long, drawn out sigh. “No, baby. I’m just….just an idiot,” he muttered darkly. “I’m so sorry. I--forgot. It got really late, and—”

Rey could hear it in his voice; something wasn’t right.

“Are you sure?” she prodded. “You sound like….you don’t sound like yourself.”

“Ahh, no it’s just been….it’s been a rough week, babe.” He closed his eyes and swallowed as he forced out the lie. “I partied a little too much with the guys and then I got back to the hotel and just….crashed.”

She pursed her lips. “Hmmm. Okay. I’m just glad you’re alright."

Her willingness to accept his lie just made him feel more like absolute shit.

“Yeah,” he reached over to the bedside table for a cigarette. “I’m so glad I’ll be seeing you soon. I need to come home, baby."

“You do,” she smiled. “I can’t wait either. Can’t wait to help you move into your new place.”

Ben bit his lip hard, trying to push down the regret that was threatening to choke him.

“Yeah,” he managed. “It’ll be great.”

There was a brief silence as Rey sorted through the vibes. She knew he was holding something back from her.

“Well, I should get back to work. I just wanted to make sure all was well.”

“Okay, my love. I’ll text you later.”

“Kay. I love you, Ben.”

The words went through him like a knife.

“I love you too, babe. So much.”

When she rung off, Ben lay back on his pillow absolutely _hating_ himself. It wasn’t bad enough that he had let his fucking ex-girlfriend into his room last night, when he knew better. He knew what she wanted, but he was weak when he saw the coke, and he fucked up. He couldn’t have felt more like a piece of shit if he tried.

It was the coke. He didn’t want her; he only wanted Rey. _You’re fucking weak, Solo. Such a fucking asshole._ The fact that Zorrie gave amazing blow-jobs was no excuse, and neither was the coke, really. But at least he’d been coherent enough to kick her out before it went any further. And of course, she was madder than a wet hen, as Leia would have said. But he didn’t give two shits about that. It was her fault for sneaking her way to his room uninvited, goddamnit. 

He knew he’d have to tell Rey, eventually. It was unimaginable that he’d have to hurt her that way, but keeping it from her would be worse. He’d have to figure out how, and when. He could only hope she would forgive him. 

It was impossible to concentrate. He kept screwing up during rehearsal because he couldn’t stop thinking about what an asshole he was. And what if he confessed to Rey, begged her forgiveness and she said she never wanted to see him again? He knew it would destroy him. At this point, he could not imagine his life without her. He’d have to make it right.

If only he had a time machine. 

  
When the band was taking a break, Austin went up to Ben. It was obvious that something was wrong and he needed to talk. They weren’t exactly close, but there were times when he had confided things to Ben and Ben had done the same. When the band was ready to run through “All Your Tomorrows,” Ben just shook his head, and said softly, “I can’t. Not right now.” That's when Austin knew he needed an ear.

“Hey Ben, what’s going on?”

Ben nodded at him, frowning. “I’m….I don’t know.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Austin threw out.

Ben glanced at him, and for the first time all day, he realized that _yeah,_ he really, really needed to talk about it with someone. To confess, since he wasn’t ready to do confess to Rey. _Not yet._

Ben let out a heavy sigh. “I screwed up, big time.”

Austin regarded him and lit a cigarette. “Yeah…I know that look. It seemed familiar.”

Ben’s eyes went to Austin’s. “I don’t want to hurt her. She doesn't deserve that. It’s gonna kill me…and I was just so goddamn _stupid—_ ”

“Okay, stop right there with the guilt caravan, and just tell me what happened.” 

Ben covered his eyes with his hand for a moment, as if he couldn’t bear to see what he had done. “My ex came by the hotel last night.”

Austin frowned. “Ex? You mean Zorrie?” 

Ben made a face. “Who else?”

Austin nodded knowingly. “Okay, that one has _always_ been trouble," he said. "Go on."

Finally feeling like he had the chance to pour out his heart, Ben let the pain flow freely.

“I told Zorrie months ago to stop contacting me. As soon as I met Rey. And she wouldn’t listen. I finally blocked her the other day, and then when I got in last night she showed up at my door—” 

“Oh, _fuck_ man,” Austin said, his face clouding. “That’s a horrific position to be in. Been there.”

Ben swallowed heavily and kept going. “I wasn’t going to let her in, I didn’t want her. But….she had coke.”

“Ah, _shit,”_ Austin muttered, rolling his eyes. “That bitch knew exactly how to break you down.”

Ben nodded. “Yeah, she did. But it’s still my fault. I should never have let her in.” Ben paused, the weight of his actions heavy on his shoulders. 

“So….what exactly happened? Did you....?" 

Ben shook his head energetically. “No. No, I wasn’t going to.” He exhaled dramatically. “But I let her blow me. After the coke, I was so worked up, and—"

“Ah, shit,” Austin repeated, lips set in a tight line.

Ben dipped his head in a gesture of true shame. Austin knew that he loved Rey, _unquestionably_ ; it shone through everything Ben did since he met her. But at the same time, as a guy in a famous band, who knew what it was like on the road--with the constant temptation of pretty women coming on to him--he understood. 

“Ben, look. You _have_ to tell her.”

Ben nodded frantically, misery etched into his face. “I know.”

“Just make sure that you do it carefully. Do it in person. And think of what you can do to show her at the same time what she means to you.”

“Well, I was going to play the song for her, at MSG….you think I should do it that night? I mean, fuck, I don’t know. I’ve never been in this position before. I can’t lose Rey. I feel like if she leaves me, I’ll die,” he bit out. 

Austin stared at his friend. He knew that every word he was saying was true. “Okay. Listen to me. We’ll get through this. I’ll be here to listen.” 

Ben knew he'd have to to do whatever it took to make her forgive him.

____________________________________

That evening, Rose noted the change in Rey's mood.

"What's going on, Rey?" Rose asked.

"I don't know."

"What does that mean?"

"Just what I said...Ben is acting _weird_. Something is going on."

Rose frowned. _"Something?_ How do you know?"

"He was supposed to call me last night, late. I told him to call whenever he was done. And he didn't. This was the first time he didn't call.." her voice broke slightly, and Rose noted it.

"Don't jump to conclusions, Rey. He's on tour. It could have been a million things--"

"I could hear it in his voice. _Something's_ different," she ground out, anxiety welling up. "I hope he's not going to break up with me."

Rose swooped down on her, grabbing her wrists. "Rey! He wouldn't. That is not going to happen. Ben _loves_ you...."

Rey looked back at her, the painful question in her eyes. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. Yes, Rey," Rose soothed, hugging her. "I've known Ben for years. I've never seen him as happy as he is with you." It was true. If there was _anything_ that Rose was sure about, it was that _Ben loved Rey._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Hard to Say I'm Sorry," Peter Cetera. Chicago 16, 1982


	16. Please Forgive Me, I Know Not What I Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst, angst and MORE ANGST.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "So if you’re feeling lonely, don’t  
> You’re the only one I’ll ever want  
> I only want to make it good  
> So if I love you a little more than I should
> 
> Please forgive me, I know not what I do  
> Please forgive me, I can’t stop loving you  
> Don’t deny me this pain I’m going through  
> Please forgive me, I need you like I do  
> Please believe it, every word I say is true  
> Please forgive me, I can't stop loving you."

Ben did not know what to do with himself.

It was just after five on Monday when the Knights had wrapped up rehearsal in downtown Boston. In a few more hours, they would head over to the venue for the evening’s show. The band had a three-day break before their big show at the Garden, and tomorrow, Ben would be flying back to his New York—back to Rey.

He should have been overjoyed. This was what he had been waiting for: the chance to go home and finally play at _Madison fucking Square Garden_ -this was the big homecoming he’d been dreaming about for years. And it was his chance to be reunited with his darling Rey and finally unveil his song for her--to profess his love, onstage, in front of thousands of people.

But instead, here he was: on edge, a nervous wreck. He hadn’t been sleeping well; he was smoking too much, drinking too much, totally stressed out, and short tempered. He was snapping at his fellow Knights for no good reason and they were all getting a little tired of it. On top of that, he wasn’t playing at his usual level. Right now, for Ben, the only thing that really mattered was that Rey forgive him. He was going to have to confess, knowing it would hurt her, and then there would be nothing he could do except hope, pray, and beg her forgiveness.

He needed to talk to someone else—get a female perspective. That left either his mother or Rose. And there was no way in hell he was going to tell Leia.

Ben was pacing the room as he puffed anxiously on a cigarette, waiting for Rose to answer. _Come on_ , _come on, come on,_ _pick_ _up…._

“Hello?”

Ben let out a shuddery sigh. “Hey, Rose.”

“Ben. Something told me you might be calling.” Normally, Rose was always sweet and playful when they spoke on the phone. Her voice was different now, setting off alarm bells in his brain.

“Really? Oh—why? Is something going on?”

“You tell me, Ben,” she said evenly. “Rey seems to think there is.”

He blew out smoke in a rush. “What do you mean?”

“Well, how about this. Why don’t you tell me why you’re calling, and then we’ll see?”

He paused, chewing his lower lip. Telling Rose was going to be almost as difficult as telling Rey, and he knew it.

“I….I need to talk to you. I wanted to…get your opinion on something.” He swallowed hard. “Something important.”

Rose sucked in a breath. “Ben…Please tell me you’re not about to break up with her.”

Confused, he frowned. “Break up with her, God no! Why would you think that?”

“That’s what she thinks. She said you’ve been weird on the phone the past several days. She thinks you’re going to break up with her when you get back.”

Ben closed his eyes against the rush of anguish that flooded him, and he groaned. “No,” he managed. “No, that is absolutely not going to happen. She’s the best thing in my life. That is the last thing I would want.” The irony wasn’t lost on him; as much as he was dreading the prospect that she might end it when he told her, Rey had gone ahead and drawn a conclusion that was exact opposite of the truth.

“So, what is it, then?”

“Rose, I screwed up, really badly. I did something and I have to tell her about it, but…I am so terrified that she is going to break up with me.”

“Oh, fuck. Ben, what did you do?”

“Gimme a second,” he muttered darkly, before pouring himself a shot of vodka from the nearby bottle and tossing it back.

“After the show in Phoenix, Zorrie somehow found her way to my hotel room.”

“What do you mean, somehow? Don’t you use aliases?”

“Of course, but she knows them. Same ones I’ve used for years.”

Rose held her tongue in check. “Go on.”

He sighed. “I opened the door, thinking it was room service. And there she was. With coke.” He started shaking his head. “It’s not an excuse, I know—”

“Did you fuck her, Ben?”

“No, no—I wouldn’t. No it was just a blow job." 

Rose huffed. "Oh, sweet Lord. I mean, I guess it could be worse. But still."

“Yeah, I know. Do you think she’ll……” he couldn’t even say it.

“Quite honestly, Ben, I don’t know. I can’t predict what Rey will do. But you better make sure you tell her and be willing to do anything you can to make it up to her.”

“I know,” he murmured. “I will. Just please, promise me you won’t tell her.”

“No, I wouldn’t do that,” she said. “You have to be the one to do it. And don’t you fucking _chicken out._ “

____________________________________________________

Late Tuesday afternoon, Ben was in his limo, on his way to Rey’s place in Queens. He was to meet her there to spend the night. The next day, she was supposed to help him move into his new apartment in Tribeca—and they would spend their first night there together. 

At least, that was the plan.

Ben had a nervous stomach during most of the flight. By the time he arrived on Rey’s doorstep, he was a wreck. He had texted her in the cab, on the way from JFK, just to tell her he was on his way. She had left the gallery a little early to come home and greet him. .

He didn’t know what to think; he was _terrified._

Some thirty minutes later, he was on Rey’s doorstep, ringing the bell with tremulous fingers. He didn’t know how, but somehow, he made his way into the elevator and up to the 5th floor. He didn’t even notice the teenage girl in the elevator who recognized him and was paralyzed to be in his presence. 

____________________________________________________

She opened the door and practically fell into his arms.

“Ben,” she cried. His heart was thudding in his chest, his throat tight. He was so grateful just to finally _be there_ with her, with the woman he loved—back in her arms. He hoped this wouldn’t be the last time. Rey smothered his face with kisses and sought his lips, greedy for the taste, the warmth of him.

Nearly breathless, Rey pulled back. “How was your flight? Are you hungry?” she seemed to be struggling for the words, as much on edge as he was—or almost.

“No, I’m okay, baby.”

She stared at him for a long beat, dismayed by his demeanor. He stood before her, shoulders slumped, a defeated look on his face. This was not the Ben she recognized. Normally, he would sweep her up in his arms and carry her to the bedroom--but not this time. Anxiety surged, nearly choking her. _When did he change his mind, what_ _happened?_ She couldn’t understand. She was almost sure…he was going to end it.

“Do you…do you want to go lie down, maybe? Cuddle?” she swallowed, feeling completely helpless.

  
“Come ere,” he said, drawing her close again, tight against his body. They stood like that for a long time, and she could feel his heart. She was terrified of what he might say. Ben struggled to gather the courage to tell her.

“Baby, let’s….let’s go sit down,” he said softly.

He led her over to the couch and sat beside her, his face shrouded with some emotion she couldn’t identify. His eyes probed hers and he brought a hand up to cup her cheek lovingly. He could see the worry on her face and it was killing him. _She didn’t deserve this._

“What?” she couldn’t stop herself. “What is it?”

He took a deep breath. “Rey, I want you to listen to me,” he started, looking into her eyes. “I love you, very much."

“I love you too, Ben. You know that.”

“Baby…I did something stupid. I am hoping with all of my heart that you’ll forgive me.”

Her heart was pounding now, her brow furrowing slightly. “What?”

“I want you to understand, it didn’t mean anything to me. Please, just hear me out—”

“Just say it, Benjamin—” she choked out.

“After the show in Phoenix, my ex-girlfriend showed up at the hotel.”

“Zorrie?”

He nodded. “I told her to leave, she wouldn’t.” He bit his lip. “I would have called security if I had to, but then I found out she had coke…”

Rey’s breath puffed out in shock as she realized what was happening: this was a _confession._

“No, Ben…” she whispered.

He looked away. “I invited her in. I don't know what I was thinking. I was going to just do a line or two and then have her leave.” Ben squeezed his eyes shut as if to block out the memory. “She knows exactly how to push my buttons….that's not an excuse, I know, but--"

“Are you telling me,” Rey began, her voice laced with anger, “that you _fucked your ex-girlfriend?_ ”

“No, no,” he looked at her now, his eyes pleading. “It was just a blow job. The coke got me all wired and my….my hindbrain took over. _Kylo_ took over.”

Rey shrank back from him, disgusted. She shook her head slowly. “I don’t believe this.”

“Rey….it was stupid. It’ll never happen again. She means _nothing_ to me. You’re all I want, Rey.”

“You should have thought about that before you let it happen.”

“That’s just it, I wasn’t thinking! It was just in the spur of the moment—” he stopped, leveled by the cold fury in her eyes. His breath caught.

“Please baby, you’ve got to believe me. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was just an idiot. We can get through this--"

Rey stared into space for several moments. He watched her chest rise and fall. “Please leave, Ben,” she said, her voice cracking.

“Rey….what can I do? You mean everything to me. Please don’t—”

“I want you to leave, Ben. _Now.”_

She walked slowly to the door and held it open, refusing to meet his eyes.

“Rey…” his voice was breaking.

“Now.” She crossed her arms over her chest, resolute. “Go.”

Ben rose to his feet and moved shakily towards her. Every cell in his body was screaming at him to just _hold her, kiss her._

“Can I call you later?” he asked softly.

“Don’t. I need some time.”

He nodded. “You’ll still come to the concert on Friday, right? I’m going to play your song. I’d....I'd like you to be there. Please..."

Rey’s jaw tightened. “Ben, right now I don’t know. Just go.”

He opened the door and paused. “I love you, Rey. More than anything.”

And then he was gone.

When the door closed behind him, Rey walked back over to the couch and cried her eyes out. 

___________________________________________________

Ben tried to call her that afternoon when he dropped by the new apartment. It didn’t feel right without her there. Most of his furniture would arrive the next day, so he would return to The Mercer for the night.   
  
He wished he could be with Rey, holding her in his arms, covering her body with kisses. He felt empty, lost. All he wanted was her forgiveness. 

He tried calling her one more time before bed. Her number rang and rang and finally went to voicemail, again. He didn’t leave a message.

**Rey and Rose’s apartment: 5:45pm**

Rey was sitting at the kitchen table, stone faced, when Rose walked through the door. Rey looked up at her, and Rose just nodded. 

“So... he’s not here,” she observed. “Tell me what happened.”

“He screwed around with his ex-girlfriend,” Rey blurted. " _Asshole."_

Rose frowned. “ _Screwed around?”_

“Okay, it was a blow job, but that COUNTS!” She felt her eyes fill with tears. “I _hate_ the idea that he’d let anyone else touch him. I wouldn’t let another man touch me, and he knows that,” she pouted. “Look how upset he was just from seeing me dance with Finn.” 

Rose stared at her for a long moment. “Rey, he told me. He called me a couple of nights ago because he was terrified about how you would react.”

Rey’s mouth fell open in shock. “How could you not tell me? _What the fuck_ , Rose!?”

“I _couldn’t_ tell you,” Rose replied calmly. “That was Ben’s responsibility. If he had kept it from you, that would be different. But he only told me because he was freaking out about your reaction. Rey, he didn’t want to keep it a secret because he knew it would fester and create a wedge between you.”

Rey huffed. “I don’t know if I even want to go to the fucking concert,” she snorted. 

Rose continued, “Look, I know you’re upset and you have every right to be, but people do make mistakes. And Ben is a good man.”   
  
Rey’s eyes snapped to Rose. 

“So, you’re telling me to just _let this go?”_

“Not exactly. Rey, I know that Ben loves you with every ounce of his being. I think you should remember that.”

“Go on,” Rey sniffled.

“I don’t think you should break up with him. But I do think it might be a good idea to teach him a lesson.”

Rey stared at her. “I’m listening.”

**Friday night, Madison Square Garden.**

Ben and the Knights were ready to go onstage. Ben was all in black, as if in mourning. He'd even let the groomer do black eye liner tonight, which Austin regularly wore onstage, but which Ben usually eschewed. But tonight, he was embracing his inner Keith Richards. He was holding on by the thinnest of threads, and he was going to go onstage and sing his his new song for his lady--acoustic, just him. They'd never done anything like it before, but this was a special night. And he could only hope she'd be there to hear it. 

[watch the Bryan Adams video here](https://youtu.be/9EHAo6rEuas)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Please Forgive Me," Bryan Adams & Robert Lange. So Far So Good, 1983
> 
> Rose and Rey will come up with a plan to give Benny boy a taste of his own medicine in Chapter 17. Stay tuned lol.  
> Thank you for reading!! xx


	17. Bargain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and the band return to New York for their triumphant show at Madison Square Garden. He's hoping against hope that Rey will show, and that she'll finally hear the song he wrote for her. And then maybe, just maybe, he'll be able to talk to her at the after party. 
> 
> Rey has every intention of going to the show. Fourth row seats to see Knights of Ren are hard to come by, and even harder to pass up. 
> 
> But what Ben isn't expecting is that Rose won't be taking the extra ticket; he has no idea that she's bringing a date. (uh-oh)

It was time.

The lights in the Garden went down, and electricity surged through the crowd--already amped up, flashing cellphones and lighters in the darkness, a low rumble washed through the arena. Standing just behind Austin, Ben felt the familiar rush of adrenaline, incredibly even more powerful than ever before. He closed his eyes, reaching out silently into the crowd for her. Somehow, he could feel her; he knew she was there. She had to be there.

“Please welcome…K _ylo and The Knights of Ren!”_

The roar of the crowd was deafening, infectious, as the band filed onstage, one by one, and took their places. Moments later, Ben heard Austin’s count: “One, two….one two three four-“

The opening chords of “Blood and Wine” rang through the night as the lights came up and the crowd thundered its' joy. The energy in the room buzzed through all of them; Austin tossed a wide grin at Ben, and he mirrored it right back. _Madison Square Garden, dude. Finally._

Austin reached for the mike, and his sonorous baritone cut through the crowd:

_“I feel you running through me_   
_I feel you in my veins_   
_Like blood and wine, like blood and wine_   
_Blood and wine_   
_Gonna make you mine_

_Your heat is burning through me_   
_I feel you in my veins_   
_Like blood and wine, like blood and wine_   
_Oh, you know babe, I’m gonna make you mine…”_

Ben nodded, grinning like a madman as Austin boogied around the stage, getting lost in the music. The band was in fine form tonight.

He peered into the darkness beyond the footlights. He couldn’t see her, but knew she was there. Everything was gonna be alright, he told himself. It had to be.

From her vantage point, four rows from the stage, Rey was watching them. Her eyes briefly drifted around the arena, stunned by the sheer magnitude of it. It was her first time in Madison Square Garden, and angry as she was, she couldn’t help but feel a twinge of pride and excitement for them…for _him._ She knew how much it meant to Ben to be able to play there. She glanced over to her left at her date, Kevin, who was swaying energetically to the beat, a beatific smile on his face. He was a huge Knights of Ren fan, and was only too happy to accompany her to the show—and for fourth row seats, no less.

_Oh babe, I wanna be inside you_   
_You know I’m gonna make you mine_   
_You’re even better than the taste of blood and wine_   
_Blood and wine_

The audience roared at the final notes of the song, the energy circulating from the band back to the audience and back again. Ebullient, Austin grasped the mic and bellowed :“How you doing, _NEW YORK CITY!!_ ”

The crowd echoed his enthusiasm right back as the band launched into their second song, “Can't Get it Back.” It was a faster tempo, and they often played at the beginning of the show to bump up the momentum.

Rey’s eyes were fixed on Ben, in all black, doing his little trademark hip sway as he played, making her fall in love with him all over again. It was only the second time she had actually seen him onstage, and it made her remember the night they met, when Rose had brought her backstage after the concert and introduced them. How crazy was it, that she had met him in the first place, when she was not even a fan at the time? It had to be fate.

The way he had looked at her that night---like she was the first woman he’d ever seen. He barely took his eyes off her, and she found herself unable to stop watching him. There was an invisible, unspoken connection between them right from that first moment; they both felt it. But only Ben had been brave enough to act on it.

Rey’s eyes were drawn to a young woman in the row in front of them. She was tall, long legged and slender, with long, silky red hair. When she turned to speak to the girl beside her, Rey caught her profile and recognized her from a perfume ad. That figured; a model, of course. Rock stars and models, she thought. Somehow they seemed to be a natural combination. So how did someone like her, Rey nobody from a bumfuck town in Arizona, end up with Ben Solo?

Rey suddenly realized that she had missed a good part of the song, caught up in her reverie. When it ended, the house lights brightened a bit. Ben’s eyes scanned the first few rows, looking for her. When he saw her, their eyes locked. He stood, frozen, staring at her while Austin thundered on.

“The next song we’re gonna do is one we all love, even though it’s not a Knights of Ren song, okay….” There was some muted laughter from the audience. “But it’s by one of _our_ favorite bands, and…we think you’ll like it.”

When the lights went back down, Ben finally broke their gaze and returned his attention to his guitar. As he strummed the first few notes of the next song, Rey recognized it immediately. It reminded her of their first night together, after they made love and she told him she loved The Who.

Austin sank down on one knee, eyes shut tight as he began to sing.

_“I’d gladly lose me to find you,_   
_I’d gladly give up all I had._   
_To find you,_   
_I’d suffer anything and be glad_

_I’d pay any price just to win you_   
_Surrender my good life for bad_   
_To win you, I’d stand naked, stoned and stabbed_

_I call that a bargain_   
_The best I ever had..._

_The best I EvER HAD!"_

Austin's powerful baritone boomed through the arena, and she felt goosebumps prickling her skin. 

Rey’s breath caught as she listened. For a few moments, she saw that Ben was looking right at her, an intense expression on his face. He finally broke the gaze and started to move around onstage. She knew the bridge was coming up, and she knew he would sing it, just like Pete Townshend did. Her heart started to race, for some reason. She looked over at Kevin and he smiled, leaning over to whisper in her ear.

  
“They’re great aren’t they?”

Rey nodded. “They are.”

Austin drifted away from the mic and Ben walked right up to it as the music got very low—nothing but guitar and Ben’s voice—higher, more plaintive than usual.

_“I sit looking round,_   
_I look at my face in the mirror_   
_I know I’m worth nothing without you_   
_And like one and one don’t make two_   
_One and one make one…._   
_And I’m looking for that free ride to me_   
_I’m looking for youuuuuj....”_

She _knew_ he was singing to her. A spiritual song about reaching out for God, and he was singing it to _her._ Rey’s throat tightened with emotion. Suddenly, she needed to go get out. She gestured to Kevin.

“I’ll be back. Bathroom break.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Hurry back, you don’t want to miss too much.”

Rey nodded and stood up, trying to slide out of the row as gracefully as she could.

Ben's eyes followed her up the aisle. He assumed she was going to the bathroom or to get a drink. _Just come back,_ he thought. _Make sure you come back._

In the bathroom, Rey took a long hard look in the mirror. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. Deep down, she knew she would eventually forgive him. She loved him far too much not to give him a second chance. But thinking of seeing him at the party made acid rise in her throat. He’d probably just want to talk, and she knew that bringing Kevin into this was playing with fire. But the wheels had been set in motion and she felt powerless to stop them now. 

When she returned to her seat, the band was just starting “Never Enough.” She met Ben's eyes once again. 

  
She leaned closer to Kevin. “What did I miss?”  
  
“Not much,” he said. “They just did the introductions. I didn’t realize Kylo was so tall,” he said. 

  
Rey nodded knowingly. He dwarfed everyone else on the stage, even Austin who was 6’1”.

She leaned back over to whisper, “It's Ben, not Kylo."

The show chugged along energetically, and Rey found herself forgetting about everything else and just enjoying the music. She wondered if Poe and Finn were in the crowd. 

About an hour and fifteen minutes into the show, the lights came up and all the guys went offstage except for Ben and Austin. A couple of roadies popped on to set up a chair, adjust the mic and bring out Ben’s acoustic. He paced around, waiting, slugging from a big water bottle. Rey suspected there was something stronger in it than water. 

“Okay New York City, you guys are in for a special treat tonight. This is a night of firsts,” Austin said, glancing over at Ben. “You guys are gonna be the first to hear a new song. It’s a ballad, something new for us. And to sweeten the deal….” he grinned at Ben, who rolled his eyes in response. “You get the privilege of hearing Kylo Ren himself sing it for you." 

Austin slipped backstage as the roadie handed Ben his guitar. He sat down, plucking the strings a few times and adjusted the mic. 

“I hope you guys forgive me,” he said, “singing is not really my forte. But uh, I wrote this for someone special in my life. She’s here tonight, and I really wanted to sing it for her.”

There were a few shouts of approval from women in the audience. 

The lights dimmed a bit as he strummed the opening chords of “All Your Tomorrows.” 

Kevin glanced at Rey. “This is serious, huh?”  
  
She nodded, biting her lip.

  
_“When you found me I was broken,_  
 _When you found me, I was tired._  
 _But then you smiled and you healed me_  
 _And you set my soul on fire_

_Now every morning when the sun comes up_   
_Everything’s different,_   
_everything’s new_   
_I’m hoping and I’m praying_

_To start all your tomorrows with you…”_

Rey felt a rush of emotion sweep over her, and she couldn’t keep the tears from falling. She did her best to compose herself, but she knew he saw it when he looked at her. 

At the end of the song, he leaned over into the mic, looking right in her direction. “I love you, baby.”

The crowd was on its’ feet again in a flash, hooting and hollering. Ben got up from his chair and waited for the rest of the band to return to the stage. Austin went and gave him a quick hug. 

“That was brilliant, man.”   
  
Ben circled around, looking up to the rafters and waving to his fans for a moment. In a few minutes, they were back in their places and the music resumed. 

When the concert was over, Rey and Kevin stayed in their seats a little longer, waiting for the throngs of people to thin out and spill out into the streets before they moved. Rey hated crowds.

“That was incredible,” Kevin said. “What did you think of your song?”

Rey exhaled heavily. “What can I say,” she murmured. “It’s great, but I can’t let him off the hook that easily."

“Are you sure it’s a good idea for me to go to this party?”

“Yes, please. I'd like you to," she nodded. 

“Okay, because he’s gotta be six foot three, over two hundred pounds. I’m 5’7,” one-sixty soaking wet,” he chuckled, with a bit of a nervous edge to his voice.

“Don’t worry,” Rey soothed. “He won’t touch you. He might want to, but he won’t. Besides, Rose will be there to help keep the peace.”

When they were finally able to get outside, they snagged a cab and took off to the W Hotel. Fortunately, it was after eleven-- late enough that midtown traffic was minimal.

The Knights had reserved the 3rd floor bar from 11 to closing. When Rey and Kevin got off the elevator and walked through the door, everyone was there: all the band members, with wives and girlfriends; she even saw an older man she recognized as Han, Ben's father, from a photo Ben had showed her. There was a handful of celebrities, including the redheaded model who was there with her girlfriend—another model, Rey assumed—and the actor Michael B. Jordan. Her eyes scanned the room but she didn’t see Ben anywhere. Rose didn’t appear to be there either.

She led Kevin over to the bar, greeting some of the band members on the way. Austin spied her and she threw him a smile. He wandered over, eyeing Kevin curiously.

“Hi Rey, good to see you,” he gave her a quick hug. 

“Great show,” she said. “Is Ben here?”

Austin rubbed his nose. “Yeah, he’s somewhere,” he frowned and extended a hand to Kevin. “I didn’t catch your name?”

“This is Kevin,” Rey supplied, before he could say anything. “Kevin, Austin.”

“Aha,” Austin said blankly, his eyes giving away nothing. “I see. Well, I gotta go talk with Tony. You guys enjoy yourselves.” 

Rey and Kevin were standing at the bar getting their drinks when Ben appeared. He had his guitar case in one hand and a pack of cigarettes in the other. His mouth fell open when he saw them, and he strode right up to Austin and Tony, chatting in the corner. 

“Your lady’s here,” Austin gestured.

“I see that,” he hissed. “And who’s that with her?”

Austin shrugged. “Some guy. Name of Kevin.”

Ben was shaking his head, and Austin could feel the steam rising inside him. “Kevin? Who the _fuck_ is Kevin?”

Austin placed a hand on Ben’s shoulder. “Take it easy, man. Go say hi to her. Don’t jump to conclusions.”

Ben screwed up his face, took a deep breath in and out and walked over to them. He stood just behind Rey on the opposite side of Kevin.

“Hey,” he said, his voice dark. “You’re here.” His eyes searched hers frantically for some sign of what she was feeling. 

Rey cleared her throat. “Yah,” she said, trying to curtail any emotion from leaking into her voice. “It was an amazing show, Ben.”

He leaned closer, his lips almost touching her ear, sending a small shiver down her spine. “Did you like the song?” His warm breath fanned out across her cheek, making her dizzy. 

Rey looked straight ahead. “Yes. It was beautiful," she breathed, a little shaky. 

“Rey. Will you _talk to me please?”_

“It’s not the time or place, Ben.”

He frowned. “What does _that_ mean?”

“Exactly what I said,” she met his eyes. At that moment, he leaned back to confront Kevin. “I’m sorry, who’s _this?"_

“This,” she said measuredly, “is Kevin. He’s a big KOR fan. Kevin, Ben." 

Kevin leaned forward a bit extending his hand. “It’s an honor, man. Great show. I love all your stuff.”

Ben raised his eyebrows, sizing the other man up. “Thanks,” he grunted. “Rey, can you come here for a second?” He tugged at her arm and she pulled back, but he was stronger and managed to jerk her away from Kevin. 

"I thought you were bringing Rose to the show," he growled. "Who _is_ this guy?"

“Ben, you’re being rude,” she muttered angrily.

“What the fuck is going on here? We’re not broken up,” he said. _“Are we?”_

Rey stared at him for a long moment. “Like I said, it’s not the time or place—” she started.

“Oh no, no…please don’t…..don’t do that, Rey. I need to know.” 

“Okay,” she practically snarled. “ _No._ We’re not broken up. Kevin and I are just on a date. It doesn’t _mean_ anything. You know….just like you and your ex-girlfriend didn’t mean anything.”

He stared at her, his blood pressure spiking til he thought his head would blow off.

[Listen to "Bargain" by The Who](https://youtu.be/Ka_pPf7OqiE)


	18. It Ain't Over Baby 'Til it's Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ugh..keep it together, Ben. 
> 
> Essentially, Chapters 17 and 18 were supposed to be one chapter, but...umm that didn't happen, you know, for reasons. This one is short but kind of intense, so I figured it would be okay. Three chaps of angst will be tempered by some sweetness (and smut) soon, I promise. 😄

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Here we are, still together  
> We are one  
> So much time wasted  
> Playing games with love
> 
> So many tears I've cried, so much pain inside  
> But baby, it ain't over til it's over  
> So many years we've tried, to keep our love alive  
> But baby it ain't over 'til it's over."

"No. We’re not broken up. Kevin and I are just on a date. It doesn’t _mean anything._ You know….just like you and your ex-girlfriend didn’t mean anything.”

Ben stood frozen in mute shock, his eyes glued to Rey’s as his mouth went dry.

“I don’t believe you just said that,” he croaked.

She could see the hurt in his eyes, and she hesitated for a split second. Rey forced herself to turn from him and walked back to where Kevin was standing— _nervously_ \--at the bar. She led him over to a small table and they sat down with their drinks, ignoring Ben.

Or at least pretending to ignore him. Because Rey had a pretty good idea of where this was going, and she was watching Ben out of the the corner of her eye.

Not knowing quite what to do with himself, he scrubbed a hand down his face and watched his girlfriend sitting beside this guy he knew nothing about. To make thing worse, their legs were _touching_. Ugh.

Ben turned abruptly and walked straight to the bar.

“Shot of Patron,” he grunted, trying to keep his eyes straight ahead. The moment the bartender set his drink down, Ben picked it up and knocked it back.

“Hit me again,” he said, and repeated his action with the second shot. He relished the burn of the tequila sliding down his throat, because for at least a few moments it distracted him from the pain in his heart.

He raised his eyes to the bartender. “Again.” 

The bartender hesitated for a moment this time, eyeing him cautiously. “Would you like a chaser of some sort, Mr. Solo?”

Ben stared at him. “Nope. Hit me.”

The bartender sighed and poured another shot, sliding it out to him. Ben threw the third shot back and his eyes watered a bit as the rush of 80 proof alcohol flowed straight into his bloodstream. He sat back in his chair and let out a sigh, as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. His eyes flashed left to where Rey and her _unknown_ _quantity_ , as Ben thought of him, were sitting. Their eyes met briefly—it was clear that she knew exactly what he was doing.

“Would you like to see the bar menu, sir?”

Ben’s eyes snapped to him. “I’m sorry?”

“Would you like something to eat?”

Ben shook his head, his eyes crawling back to Rey. Kevin was rambling on about something or other and she was listening, with a sweet, patient smile on her face. It was the same smile she gave Ben anytime he was being playful or silly or just trying to make her laugh, and it made his heart ache to see her smile at another man that way. Just then, he felt a warm hand on his shoulder and he started slightly.

“Ben.”

He knew who it was before he turned.

“Hey, dad. Didn’t know you made it to the show.”

“Well, I did. The band was amazing, and that song you played, the acoustic? So beau—”

“Hit me again,” Ben said to the bartender.

The man went pale and opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

“Ben, slow down,” Han growled. “I can see you’re upset. But this is not the way to deal with it.”

Finally, Ben turned to meet his father’s eyes. “Yeah? And how would you know? What do you know about my life?”

Han shook his head. “I know, you have a lot of anger toward me. But none of this is going to help.”

  
Ben picked up the shot glass between his thumb and forefinger and held it out to the bartender. “Hit me again,” he repeated.

Han sighed, backing off. “I told your mother she should have come. Listen, I don’t know what happened, but I do know that you care about this girl. Maybe you can work it out, but this is not helping.”

Ben turned to his father again, his eyes flashing coldly. “ _Care_ _about_ _her?_ Yeah, you could say that,” he laughed under his breath, reaching for the fourth shot. Raising it as a toast, he quirked an eyebrow at Han. “Here’s to true love,” he sniped and threw it back. “Hey, why don’t you have one, too?”

“No, I’m not drinking tonight,” Han grumbled.

“Hey, hey….” Ben said, an unsteadiness now showing in his voice as the four shots continued to inflame his blood and twist his brain. “You wanna _meet_ her?”

“What?”

“Rey, Rey,” Ben mumbled. “My girlfriend.” He giggled. “The light of my life.”

Han frowned. “This is probably not the best time, don’t you think?”

“No,” Ben protested. “You’re never around. I want you to meet her, dad, come on." He tugged Han over toward the table where Rey was sitting, and her eyes widened in horror at the scene starting to unfold in front of her. Han tried to hold back, but Ben was younger and stronger and he pulled him into something resembling a bear hug over to them.

“Hey Rey,” he called. “Do you want to meet my father? Dad, this is Rey…”

Han looked at Rey, embarrassed. “I’m sorry,” he said, “he’s had a few.” He held out his arm awkwardly and Rey shook, not knowing what else to do.

Ben’s eyes fixed on Rey’s as he continued, slurring just a bit, “She’s my girlfriend,” he said lowly. “I love her more than anything.”

Rey closed her eyes, wishing she could disappear.

“She’s mad at me,” Ben said to Han in a mock whisper.

Han glanced at Kevin sympathetically and gave him a slight shrug. “It’s nice to meet you, Rey.”

Ben’s eyes wandered over to Kevin and he stared coldly, daring him to say something to explain his presence when it was quite clear that Rey belonged to _him._

Poor Kevin couldn’t take it. “I’m nobody,” he blurted. “Really.” He and Rey exchanged glances. “I’m gonna go, okay? Thanks so much for inviting me,” he said, getting his feet like he was ready to escape a house on fire.

“Yeah,” Rey murmured. “I’m gonna go, too.”

“No….no, Rey, please,” Ben begged, reaching for her arm. “Please, don't go. Stay with me.” She looked up at him and saw the eyes of a man who wished with every ounce of his being that he could take back what he did.

They stood there like that, for one long, tense moment. “Ben,” she started, shaking her head.

He seized her arms, pulling her roughly to him, and crashing his lips against hers. He kissed her like it was the last kiss time he would kiss anyone. Part of her relished it, but the proud part of her, the angry part, made her push back and break away, landing a loud smack across his face. Ben looked over at her in shock, his mouth hanging open, wounded to his core.

“Everything can’t be on _your terms,_ ” she murmured, before storming out of the bar.

When she left, Ben slumped on a stool at the bar, defeated. Austin had seen the whole thing and went over to him.

“Hey buddy, it’s okay, let’s get you to your room,” he said.

Ben was staring at the bartender. “Gimme another shot.”

Austin shook his head at the bartender. “Come on, it’s okay,” he wrapped a tentative arm around Ben’s shoulder. After a few moments, Ben crumpled, leaning against Austin, fighting back the tears and failing.

“What will I do without her? I can’t lose her, man. She’s my everything.”

It was almost 1am when Austin and Tony managed to get Ben up to his hotel room in the W. They made sure he had a bottle of water by his bedside and some aspirin. Ben sprawled across the bed, limp, looking like he was ready to pass out. He thanked them just before falling into a deep sleep. 

Two hours later, Ben was awake again.

He did the first thing that came to mind, reaching out to deal with the irrepressible need he had to hear Rey's voice. Of course, she might not pick up. He seriously doubted she would be with Kevin, first because his Rey just wasn't like that; secondly, because he could tell that there was no real vibe between them. 

But he still wanted, needed to hear her voice. At least, he needed to try and see if she would talk to him.

He sat, rocking to calm himself in the bed, as he waited for her to pick up.

"Hello," her sleepy voice came through the phone line, filling him with relief.

"Baby....I'm sorry," he blurted. "I know you're sleeping. Please....just tell me. Do you still love me?"

There was a long pause on the phone. Ben covered his face with his hands, biting his lower lip so hard he almost could have drawn blood. He waited.

He heard her let out a soft sigh. "Yes, Ben. I love you. I think you know that."

His heart swelled. "Yes, well....I just needed to make sure, baby. I know you're angry....and you have every right to be. Just let me--"

"Ben.....we'll talk about this tomorrow. Do you want to come here for breakfast? Or I guess I could meet you in the city," she said.

"No. No, I'll come to you," he sighed. "Thank you, baby. I love you soo much. I'm going to make this up to you. Now I can sleep."

Rey chuckled softly to herself. "Okay. You do that. Good night, Benji." 

:[Listen to Lenny here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=RDTmENMZFUU_0&feature=share&playnext=1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "It Ain't Over 'Til It's Over," Lenny Kravitz. Mama Said, Virgin Records. 1991


	19. The One Thing I Know for Sure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey are reunited. :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Still feels like our best times are together  
> Feels like the first touch  
> We’re still getting closer baby  
> Can’t get close enough  
> Still holding on  
> You’re still number one  
> I remember the smell of your skin  
> I remember everything  
> I remember all of your moves  
> I remember you…."

The next morning, Rey woke around seven and lay in her bed, unable to stop thinking about Ben and the previous night. She was still rather drained from the heightened emotionality of it all, but she managed to drag herself out of bed around eight-thirty to shower and dress. Ben was coming over but she knew he would need extra time to sleep off the remnants of his meltdown; she wasn’t expecting him until at least eleven.

She was peering into the fridge, trying to decide whether to run out to the store when Rose entered. 

“Hey chica, I’m so sorry I didn’t get there last night,” Rose sighed. “I had to stay late at the studio and I felt a migraine coming on. How did things go? I mean, I’m sure it must have been rough….”

“Well, the concert was great, of course,” Rey breathed. "And the song was beautiful. But seeing Ben after…not so much.”

“I could have told you that,” Rose sighed.

“I just don’t know if it was fair to bring Kevin into it. He felt so awkward and intimidated.”

“Kevin is fine. He knew what he was getting into. So…..when he saw you two together, what….?”

“Well, first he tried to pull me away to talk, and I wouldn’t. I walked away and went to sit with Kevin, and then I could see he was really upset….”

“Don’t tell me….”

“He went to the bar and started knocking back shots. And then Han went over-“

Rose’s eyes got wide. _"Han_ was there? Wow, they don't talk much," she mused.

“Yeah.” Rey huffed a snide laugh. “And then, after taking several shots in a row, Ben staggers over, dragging his father and introduces him to me….”

 _“No…_ ” Rose groaned.

“Yes,” Rey said.

“Oh, goddamn. Well, I don’t know what I could have done….”

“I’m not finished. After this insanely awkward introduction, Ben says to Han ‘I love her more than anything…’ and his eyes were shooting daggers at poor Kevin—”

“Ugh,” Rose grimaced. “I didn’t think it would be that bad.”

“Yeah, it was pretty intense. Then he called me in the middle of the night." She exhaled heavily. "You know, I'm ready to talk so he's coming over this morning."

Rose sighed. “Okay. I’ll let you guys have some space. What time are you expecting him?”

“My guess would be around eleven, probably later. He’s gonna need to sleep it off and then it’ll take some time to get here.”

“Right. I’ll leave before he gets here. I need to call Kevin anyway.”

“Yeah. He was kind of freaked out. But at least he enjoyed the concert.”

Rose huffed. "Yeah, it's not every day you get a free ticket to see the Knights of Ren from the fourth row."

___________________________________________________

The intercom buzzed just before eleven-thirty.

“It’s Ben."

“Come on up.”

While she waited for the elevator to bring him up, Rey took one last look in the hallway mirror. She grabbed her purse and slicked on a coat of gloss. She wanted to look good, but not like she was trying too hard. Rey had no intention of making this easy for Ben. Still, after more than six weeks away from him, it would be hard to resist him. She would have to try to hold onto her last scraps of anger to avoid letting him edge his way back into her bed.

Rey opened the door a crack and hovered just inside.

“Rey….?” Ben hesitated for a moment outside before pushing the door open, and she could tell her was reining himself in. She stood and waited until the door swung open slowly, completely, and there he was. Her breath hitched when she saw him; it was as though she hadn’t just seen him the night before, stood beside him while he whispered in her ear, pushed him away when he suddenly pulled her close for a kiss.

“Hi baby,” he said softly.

He wore a dark-green button down shirt that she’d never seen before with skinny black jeans, and she let her eyes scan his body, ending back on his face—the dark, penetrating eyes that never failed to make warmth pool in her belly.

“Hey,” she said, the slight edge in her voice betraying the flush of desire sweeping through her at having him so close, in her apartment—being alone with him. She suddenly realized how badly she wanted him to touch her.

“Did you have breakfast? There’s coffee and bagels,” she offered. 

For a moment, she thought he was going to kiss her, but then he stopped and gave her a sad little smile.

“Sit,” she said, and he obediently moved to take a seat at the table. Rey poured coffee for both of them, Ben's black with sugar, the way he liked it.

Neither one spoke for what felt like a long time, the tension in the air thick between them. All he really wanted to do was grab her, but he knew better. He knew she wasn’t ready.

Ben waited until she was sitting across the table from him to speak.

“Rey. I’m really sorry about last night. I was….out of my mind,” he said. “Who was that guy?”

She took a sip of her coffee. “Rose’s brother.”

Ben cocked an eyebrow at her. “Oh, really? I thought it was something like that. I realized after the fact that you were trying to make me jealous.” His lip quirked upwards in acknowledgement that he understood.

“I was trying to make a point,” she said. “I needed you to remember what it feels like to be on the other side.”

“Yeah, I get it,” he muttered and took a gulp of his coffee. “I deserved it.”

“It was Rose’s idea, but then when I saw you at the party, and how upset you were, I realized that maybe it was going too far. Childish.”

“Well, hey….” he chuckled. “I’m not exactly a grown-up half the time.”

At that, Rey had to smile a little. “You’re not too bad,” she said, “most of the time.” Her smile faded quickly and she stared into her cup. “I was so angry with you.”

Ben hung his head. “You had every right. It was a stupid, fucked-up thing to do,” he said.

“Damn right,” she snapped, raising her eyes to meet his.

Tentatively, he stretched out a hand to her. “Rey…please give me another chance. It’ll never happen again. I _swear_ to you.” He swallowed. "It kills me to think of anyone else touching you."

Finally, she nodded and took his hand. “Well, if it does, I’m done.”

“I understand,” he said thickly. His thumb started tracing gentle circles on her open palm. “What can I do to make it better?”

She gave a small shrug. “Nothing. Just be better, Ben. I do love you, you big idiot.”

He laughed softly under his breath.

“I love you, baby girl.”

He brought her hand to his lips and placed a warm kiss on her palm and then another, his eyes searing into her.

“I’ve missed you so much,” he whispered. “The way you smell, the way you taste. Just having you by my side."

He kissed her index finger softly and as Rey watched, he drew it into his mouth, laving it with his tongue. She felt a spark of pure lust ignite as she watched him suck on her finger, eyes closed. He didn’t let up, and the gentle, sweet tug of his lips and tongue against her single digit made her bite back on a soft moan.

She felt herself dissolving—the lower half of her body liquifying, her mouth and her skin hungering for him. Her pussy clenched, empty. Rey knew she had to say something, and she fought against the tide rising in her body.

“I’m not ready to have sex, Ben. I need time.”

“I get it. Can I touch you, at least? Is that okay?”

Rey sighed, her body burning for him—his hands, his mouth. She nodded.

“Where’s Rose?” his voice was husky, dark. He stood just beside her, lips pressed to the shell of her ear. “Is she coming home soon?”

Rey shuddered. ”No,” she breathed. I don’t think so.”

Ben gave her a slow smile. “Good."

He kissed the corner of her mouth, and Rey turned to meet him, parting her lips to grant him entrance. His tongue was soft and hot, luxurious against hers. Rey found herself kissing him back harder, deepening it. She felt the groan rising in her throat and tried to choke it back.

“Let’s go to your room,” he murmured.

She rose, legs a bit wobbly beneath her, and let him lead. He closed the door and turned to her, the heat of his eyes intense.

“Sit on the edge of the bed, baby."

As she slid her jeans down, her heart was pounding, face hot. Ben didn’t take his eyes off her as he watched her undress. There was a strange, fleeting moment where she felt like she was with a stranger, but this was Ben, _her_ _Ben._ He came closer, standing just in front of her, before lowering his long, tall body to kneel between her legs. One big, warm hand came up to cradle the back of her head as he kissed her again deeply, making the fire inside her burn even hotter.

“There’s no one like you,” he said softly. “I don’t want anyone else,” he whispered between kisses. “Just you."

He pulled back and looked at her for a long moment, resting his palms on her knees. “I want to make you feel good, okay? Please say yes," he breathed.

Rey found herself unable to speak and merely nodded.

Ben mirrored her nod before hooking a finger into each side of her panties and guiding them down effortlessly. For a long moment, his eyes feasted on her wet center and she felt suddenly self-conscious. His thumb stroked gently through her folds, gathering her wetness.

“It almost feels like our first night, doesn't it?” he mused. “Do you remember?”

“Of course, Ben.”

“God, I’ve missed you so much, Rey. Every….single…. part... of you.” He closed his eyes and kissed her sex, lips brushing over the hood of her clit and underneath, teasing the hardened nub with the tip of his tongue.

 _“Ben….yess._ Just like that.”

With dancer-like grace, he lifted her left leg, draping it over his shoulder, opening her up to him further. He increased his intensity, sucking her clit as her thighs started to tremble, the pleasure rocketing through her. His mouth was hot, his licks slow and torturous as she felt the pressure in her core build quickly.

“Please….” she moaned, as he slid one finger into her and then another, pumping slowly. The waves of sensation carried her up, higher and higher, and she felt herself hurtling towards her peak. He was so tuned in to her body, he _felt_ it, knew just when she was almost there, right on the precipice.

"Ahh....I’m gonna come…” At that moment, he moved away, making her whine at the loss of contact.

 _“Fuck,”_ she groaned in frustration. He smiled, his fingers still curled inside her in exquisite torture. Before she could say another word, his mouth was back on her, moving in the same languid way. He kept her there, suspended on the brink and slowly building back up again. When she was right on the edge, he slowed down _again,_ making her want to scream. He ignored the insistent throbbing of his own erection, focused on nothing but Rey’s pleasure.

“Please, let me come,” she begged. “Please, Kylo.”

“ _Not_ Kylo," he corrected. _"Ben."_ He murmured her name against her skin, and with one last suck she careened over the cliff, her back arching dramatically as she came harder than ever before. Still, he didn’t stop, continuing to lick and suck her clit until she was pushing his head away.

As the aftershocks still pulsed through her, he sat up and kissed her mouth, sharing the taste of her own flavor on his tongue. She lay there in a blissful haze as Ben curled up beside her, one arm draped heavily over her torso.

“I want you to be mine,” he whispered. “Only mine. And I’m yours.”

“Mmm.. “ she breathed. “Promise?”

“Yes, Rey. I promise. Just us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Please Forgive Me," Bryan Adams & Robert Lange


	20. Meet the Parents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even though they are reunited, Rey wants them to move forward slowly. 
> 
> Ben just wants Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The one thing I'm sure of  
> Is the way we make love  
> The one thing I depend on  
> Is for us to stay strong  
> With every word and every breath I'm praying  
> That's why I'm saying...
> 
> Please forgive me, I know not what I do  
> Please forgive me, I can't stop loving you"

Rey fell asleep in Ben’s arms for a little while, and as he held her, he thanked the heavens and whatever greater power that existed for allowing him back in her life. He made a promise to himself to do anything he could just to keep her close to his heart, always.

His only real problem at the moment was his aching hard-on. Seeing her for the first time in more than six weeks, after the worry that she wouldn’t forgive him for the Zorrie fiasco and now this--feeling her come apart in his mouth but being unable to be inside her was a kind of torture. But he had earned it, as he was fully aware.

He felt her shift against him and she slitted her eyes.

“Hi Baby," he murmured. “You feel okay?”

She gave him a contented, sleepy smile. “Mmmm, good. So much better.” After a moment, her eyes flickered open as she realized the position she left him in. “How ‘bout you?”

“There’s no place I’d rather be right now,” he murmured, kissing her neck. “I’m hard as fuck, but I understand how you feel. I'll wait until you’re ready.” He sighed. “I was hoping you’d stay with me in the new place tonight.”

“Hmm, I’ll have to think about that,” she mused.

“Also, Leia’s expecting me over there for dinner tonight. You don’t have to go, of course, but I really should.” He swallowed hard. “It would be so much better if you were there. Besides, she’s dying to meet you, but….no pressure.”

Rey cocked an eyebrow at him before reaching under the covers. The moment her fingers touched him, he let out a soft groan and his eyes dropped closed. “Please don’t tease me right now.”

“I wasn’t going to,” she said. “Why don’t you take care of that….and I’ll watch.”

Ben raised his eyebrows. “Really?”

She nodded, biting her lip. “I’ve heard you do it enough times over the phone. Go ahead."

Ben chuckled at this shift in attitude. Who was he to deny her?

Rey turned on her side, watching as he stretched out on his back and tugged the quilt down. He slid his boxers over his hips and she watched his cock spring out, rock hard now, the head purple. Eyes trained on hers, he started to fist himself slowly. When a pearl of fluid appeared at the tip, Rey reached over and swiped it with her thumb before bringing it slowly to her lips.

 _“Damnit_ , Rey” he whispered. “You don’t know what you do to me.” His hand was moving faster now, breath coming in harsh bursts as he chased his release.

“You like watching me?"

“Yeah. It’s really hot.”

Ben grew even harder and swore under his breath.

“Yeah? Are you getting wet for me?” She nodded and he moaned again.

“Shit, I’m getting close. Mind if I make a mess on your sheets?”

“Come on me,” she said brazenly. “On my tits.”

Ben’s mouth dropped open and he huffed. This was _not_ like her.

“What the hell happened to you while I was on tour? Oh my _God,_ Rey.”

That’s when she decided to take matters into her own hands, quite literally. She placed her small hand around Ben’s and he cursed under his breath, moving his hand away and letting her stroke him instead. She moved up slowly, with a firm grasp, feeling him throb.

“Is this good?”

Ben grunted his approval and brought a hand up to caress her cheek.

“Perfect, baby. Gonna come all over your beautiful tits.”

A few moments later, Ben came with a muffled groan, painting her breasts and belly with ropes of come. He let out a shuddery breath.

“Do you have a towel?” 

Rey smiled and went to get him one from the bathroom. When she came back, he was grinning.

“I don’t know what happened to you while I was on tour, but I _like_ it.”

++

An hour and a half later, they were in the limo on their way into Manhattan. Rey had packed a small bag and agreed to spend the night with him at the new place, on the condition that they would not have sex. Ben was less than thrilled about the no-sex part, but he was pleased she had agreed to go with him to dinner at his parents', so that more than made up for it.

**4:50 pm, Tribeca, New York. Ben’s new condo.**

“Ben, I thought there would be more furniture already,” Rey complained.

“Well, I need new stuff. There’s really no point in just having all my old stuff sent over from L.A. Besides,” he said, looking at her pointedly. “I was hoping you’d help me pick out new things. I’m gonna need a good couch, a bedroom set—”

Rey’s eyes widened. “I guess I’m lucky that you at least have a mattress on the floor,” she quipped. “Because it looks like that’s the only place to sleep.”

Ben grinned. “Starting from scratch. I mean, I need help. I’m really hoping you’ll be here a lot of the time, so you should have some say in the furnishings. And then maybe, if I’m lucky, you’ll eventually move in.” His eyes shone with longing.

Rey paused and stared. “Isn’t it too soon to talk about that?"

Ben shrugged. “Not for me. I know what I want.”

Her expression softened. “Really?”

“It's not something I would joke about. Yes, _really_. I want you to move in. If you want to, _when y_ ou want to. If you decide you want to forgive me.”

“Oh, Benn….” She leaned in to kiss him and he grabbed her, pulling her tightly against his chest, his mouth devouring hers. 

Half an hour later, they were back in the limo, on their way to the upper East side.

“I really think we should stop and pick up a bottle of wine, or dessert or something,” Rey frowned. 

“It’s not necessary. My mom always has wine on hand. And besides, we’re not guests. We’re family,” he said with a little smile. 

_“You're_ family. I’ve never even met your mom!”

Ben laughed softly under his breath. “You’ll see what I mean.” He sighed. “It's been awhile since I’ve seen her though. Not since last Christmas.” 

“Really? Well, with the tour and all, I guess..."

He gave a subtle shake of his head. “It’s not just that, Rey. I told you I’m not close with my parents.”

“Yes, but we never really talked about it. You never really told me why."

Ben glanced out the window. They were just passing Bloomingdale’s on 59th and 3rd.

“It's a lot. There isn’t enough time to get into it now,” he said evenly. 

“Is Han coming?”

“Yeah, I expect so.” He sighed heavily. “I could really use a drink.”

**Leia’s apartment building – East 78th Street**

“Rey!! I am so glad to finally meet you." Leia smiled, wrapping her arms around her. “I’ve been wanting to for awhile, but you know my son—”

“Yeah, yeah, mom. She knows how much of a disaster I can be.” He crooked an eyebrow at her.

Leia laughed him off. “Come on in, you two. Han will be here in a bit. Can I get you something to drink?”

Ben had already pushed by her into the kitchen and was eyeing a bottle of wine on the counter. Leia rolled her eyes.   
  
“Well, Ben knows what he wants. As always." She gave Rey a cryptic smile. “Gosh, you’re even lovelier than I pictured you, Rey.”

Rey smiled shyly. “Thanks.” She looked around at the spacious apartment. “Wow. So this is where Ben grew up, right?”

“Mmhmm,” Leia nodded. “Han and I got this place when he was tiny. Ben went to live with his Uncle Luke for a few years, before he started at NYU….” 

There was the sound of a cabinet slamming from the kitchen. “Mom, where’s the opener?”

“There’s a rabbit, bottom right drawer, hon,” she called. “Anyway, Han and I separated several years back, and he’s on the West side now. But we talk often. We get along better when we don’t live together.”

Rey smiled, unsure of how to respond. 

“So, how was the concert? I heard there was a special song...." she winked. 

Ben appeared in the kitchen doorway with a glass of red wine in each hand. He offered one to Rey and one to Leia, who held her hand up. 

"I'm not drinking this week, hon. Diet."

Ben shrugged and took a big gulp himself. 

“The song was just beautiful,” Rey confirmed, smiling at Ben. He beamed, leaning down to give her a quick kiss. 

“God, what a gorgeous couple you two make,” Leia gushed, her eyes darting back and forth between them.

“Why don’t you two go sit, I need to check on dinner. Or better yet, Ben, why don’t you take her on a tour? I’m sure she’d get a kick out of seeing your room.” 

Ben gestured for Rey to follow him. “This way, babe.” 

He led her down a long hall, which was covered with photographs, mostly black and white. Ben paused in front of one, his wineglass poised in front of him. He stood for a long moment in front of one photo, of a young man with blonde hair and a fierce expression.

“This,” Ben announced, “is my Uncle Luke. He taught me how to play guitar.” There was reverence in his voice, and he paused and stared at the photo longer than any of the others. 

“Do you still talk?”

Ben shrugged. “Nah. Not for a long time," he said, offering no further explanation. He pointed out a slightly faded photo of a pretty, petite woman with dark hair. She stood beside a good looking, smiling man who vaguely favored young Luke.

"My grandmother Padme and grandpa Anakin," he told her.

"She's beautiful," Rey sighed. "Are they still alive?"

Ben shook his head and took another sip of his wine. "No. They both died before I was born."

He ignored the rest of the photos and tugged her further down the hall to a door at the end.

"Come on." 

They stood at the entrance of a good-sized bedroom, typical for a teenaged boy. It had a full-sized bed, way too small for Ben's six foot, three inch body. Posters of Jimi Hendrix, Eddie Van Halen, and Nirvana adorned the walls. A battered acoustic guitar sat in its case in one corner, and there were a few crates full of actual records in another.

Ben set his wineglass down on the dresser and went right for the guitar. He sat on the bed and pulled it out, resting it on his lap. 

  
“This was my first guitar,” he said proudly. “My baby.” 

“Wow, it’s so cute that your parents kept your room the same way it was before,” Rey noted. 

She watched him for a few moments as he fiddled with the strings, coaxing them into tune. 

“Shit, I don’t have my tuner,” he mumbled. “Have to do it by ear. I can play you something though.” He flashed her his signature lopsided grin that always made her stomach flip.

Rey made a decision. She went to close the door and stood with her back pressed against it. 

“You could,” she said calmly. "Or you could fuck me, right now, in that tiny bed of yours.” Her gaze was heated. 

The look of pure shock on his face made her laugh softly. 

“I’m sorry, Miss Niima. _What did_ _you just say?”_

Rey smirked back at him. “You heard me.”

Ben closed his eyes for a moment, digesting this new information. _“Really?_ I thought you….weren’t ready…?"

Rey eyed him slyly. “It’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind, Solo.”

“Whoa. _Shit._ ” He bit his lip. “Well, as much as I would love to do that, I don’t really think we’ll both fit…” he glanced woefully at the bed.

Rey smiled wickedly. "Oh, I think we could," she said. She came and stood by Ben, waiting for him to set the guitar down, and she straddled him. Her arms went around his neck as she leaned in for a kiss. 

"Baby...you _really_ want to do this, _now?_ "

She gave a one- shoulder shrug. "Yeah.....unless you don't want to," she teased.

"Rey....fuck, _of course,_ I want to. It's just....don't you think it might be better to wait 'til we get back to the apartment? And my dad will be here any minute..."

"Hmm, true," she reached down to palm his clothed cock and he jumped slightly. 

"See, now I'm gonna be thinking about this the whole time until we get out of here," he groaned. "I had no idea you were such a tease." 

_"You're_ the pleasure delayer," she chuckled.

"Well, apparently so are you."

"I learn from the best."


	21. Getting in Tune

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben have dinner with Han and Leia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I don't like the way he's looking at you  
> I'm starting to think you want him too  
> Am I crazy? Have I lost ya  
> Even though I know you love me, can't help it
> 
> I turn my cheek, music up  
> And I'm puffing my chest  
> I'm getting ready to face you  
> Can call me obsessed  
> It's not your fault that they hover  
> Don't me no disrespect  
> It's my right to be hellish  
> I still get jealous"

“Wow, this looks great, Leia,” Rey said, her mouth watering at the food in front of her. “You didn’t need to go through all this trouble.”

She was standing by the table, Ben right behind her, arms wrapped around her waist.

“It does, mom. Geez, I can’t remember the last time you actually cooked.”

Leia punched his shoulder playfully as she walked by and he threw her a grin. "Maybe you should come visit more than twice a year, and then I will," she shot back. 

"Honestly, I miss cooking. It’s not much fun cooking for one.”

Ben pouted at her mockingly but she let it go.

“Sit down, guys. Han just texted and he’s down the block.”

Rey glanced at Ben; she knew he was a bit anxious about seeing his father. ‘We’re gonna need more wine,” he said matter-of-factly.

“Would you grab another bottle from the kitchen, hon?”

Rey and Leia sat down. “Is that lasagna?” Rey asked excitedly.

“Yes. One meat and one veggie. Ben told me you’re not a meat eater, but my boys will raise a ruckus if they don’t get their beef, so...” she chuckled and passed the salad bowl to Rey.

“I do eat fish now and then, and Ben’s actually getting used to the occasional meatless meal,” Rey said. “Shocking as it may be.”

Leia gave her a grateful smile. “Well, you’re clearly a good influence on him. In more ways than one.”

Rey was beaming as Ben returned with a fresh bottle of wine. As he was opening it, Han’s voice came from the foyer.

“Honey, I’m home.”

Leia gave Rey a conspiratorial wink.

He walked into the dining room and Ben froze for a moment as he met his father’s eyes.

“Evening, all,” Han said, ignoring Ben’s cool demeanor.

His and hellos were exchanged all around as Han walked over to kiss first Leia and then Rey on the cheek.

“Rey,” he said. “It’s good to see you again, under friendlier circumstances this time."

Rey could almost hear Ben's eyeroll.

Ben cocked an eyebrow at his father before filling his own glass.

“More wine, baby?” he asked her.

Rey looked back and forth between them, hoping it wasn’t going to be _that_ kind of night.

“Uh sure,” she said.

Han took a seat at the opposite end of the table. “I’ll have some too, son,” he said, smiling when Ben met his eyes. He clearly had no intention of allowing Ben to make him feel uncomfortable.

“Guess what I just heard in the car on the way over?” Han grinned. “Blood and Wine.”

Ben huffed. “I’m getting sick of that one already,” he admitted.

“Not me,” Rey chirped. “I never get sick of listening to it.”

“Any chance of the band releasing Rey’s song as a single?” Han asked.

Ben looked at his father for a long moment. Han really was trying.

“Nah, the label wouldn’t go for it since it's a ballad. But we are putting it on the next album."

“As well you should,” Han said.

“When do I get to hear this incredible song?” Leia perked up.

Rey squeezed Ben’s thigh under the table, and he flexed at her touch. “Maybe Ben will play it for you after dinner, on his old guitar.” He chuckled lightly as she drew her hand up a little higher on his thigh.

It wasn’t like he’d never touched her that way in public. Turnabout was fair play, right?

"Not a chance. It needs to be restrung," Ben said. “I can’t believe you still have that thing. Figured you would have sold it by now." He grinned.

Leia frowned. “Are you _kidding?_ It'll be a collector’s item one day.”

Han’s eyes roamed over the two pans. “Think you made enough, Li?” he smirked.

“Well, Rey’s not a meat-eater, and I knew you and Ben would read me the riot act if I didn’t do the meat lasagna, so?” she shrugged.

“I'm okay with skipping meat sometimes,” Ben murmured. "Now and then."

"That's a big change for you, Ben," Leia observed. 

Rey dimpled at him. Holding her fork in her right hand, she slid her left palm against Ben’s thigh again, stroking gently, and he shivered. Leia shook her head and laughed lightly.

“Young love,” she sighed.

“So Rey, Ben says you’re a photographer,” Han inserted.

“She’s good, too,” Ben said softly. As much as he was enjoying having her hands on him, he did _not_ want to get a hard-on at the table.

“What kind of stuff?” 

“I just love taking shots all over the city. New York is such a great city to photograph. I like doing portraits as well, which reminds me," she smirked at Ben. "I have a little announcement.”

Ben raised his eyebrows as he turned to face her.

“I took a bunch of photos of Ben a couple months ago, and we’re selling them to Rolling Stone! They're going to run them in the December issue!"

Ben widened his eyes. _“What?_ When were you going to _tell_ me this?”

“Well, I would have told you sooner, but….I was waiting for the right moment.”

Of course, he realized that it was the _Zorrie incident_ that had gotten in the way, but it didn’t matter now. That was all over.

"Shit, I haven't even seen them yet," he groused, but he was smiling. 

Ben pushed his chair back and slid his arms around Rey, raining kisses on her cheek and neck while she giggled.

“I’m so proud of you."

"Rey, that’s amazing,” Leia enthused.

“Thanks,” she breezed. Ben gave her _the look,_ the one that said he couldn’t wait to get out of there, get his hands on her. It sent a flash of desire coursing through her, and she suddenly wanted to be alone with him very badly.

Han and Leia were not oblivious to the heat between them. When Rey looked up, Han was staring at her.

“Well, Ben you certainly hit the jackpot,” he smiled.

“He certainly did,” Leia agreed.

“She’s smart, beautiful _and_ talented.” He raised his glass in salute. “To Rey and Ben,” Han said.

They all raised their wineglasses, Leia toasting with her water.

“Is it too soon to ask if we’ll be hearing the pitter patter of little feet in the coming days? And wedding bells, maybe?" Han rumbled good-naturedly.

Leia huffed. "Hopefully, not in that _order,_ Han!"

Rey’s mouth fell open and she flushed; Ben laughed under his breath.

“I’d say it’s a little too soon to ask,” he agreed, but his eyes met Rey’s and he couldn’t stop himself from kissing her once again. "But there's always hope."

“Jesus, you two,” Leia quipped. “Get a _room.”_

“Hey, I was away from her for six weeks,” Ben blurted. “So sue me.”

Han huffed. “I can’t say I blame you.”

Ben shot his father a warning look.

Leia rolled her eyes. “ _Han.”_

“What? I just meant, I know how hard it is to be away from the one you love,” he glanced at Leia and smiled. “Remember that?”

She softened. “I do. No matter what was going on between us, I always hated when you left.”

“That’s why I did it. So you’d miss me.”

“I did miss you.”

Ben was watching his parents with a bemused expression, thinking about his younger years when he used to watch them together. It was clear that there was still a deep love and respect between them, in spite of everything. He was caught off guard when Rey reached down and started to stroke his thigh again.

He leaned over, covering his mouth to whisper hotly in her ear. “If you keep that up, I’m gonna end up fucking you in the limo.”

Rey’s body jolted at his words and she let out a little gasp. She met Han’s eyes again, and for a nanosecond she thought she saw something darker in his gaze—jealousy? Lust? But then he raised his glass again and it passed as Leia began talking about dessert.

After tiramisu and coffee, the table cleared by Han with Rey's help, they managed to wriggle out of the grip of Ben's parents, a bit earlier than expected. Neither one of them wanted to wait any longer. There were promises of calls, and future dinners. Ben had already thought about talking to his mother about helping him pick out a ring, but that could wait for another day.

There were a few paparazzi hanging out on the street just beyond Leia’s building, and they managed to snap some photos of Ben and Rey before they scrambled into the limo. 

  
Once safe inside, she glanced at Ben and noted the tightness of his jaw.

  
“That happened last time I was here. It’s one of the reasons I don’t like to come here. Next time, we’ll meet them somewhere else for dinner.” He sighed. "Everyone knows Leia."

  
She reached over and took his hand and he squeezed hers. 

  
“That wasn’t so bad,” Rey said. 

“What, the pappos?”

  
“No, being with your parents. They’re both so sweet.”

  
Ben _hmphed_ under his breath but said nothing. 

  
“You can see that they still love each other, you know?” Rey sighed. “I adore Leia. And you know, Han is really very good-looking. And charming...."  
Ben’s eyes whipped over to hers.

  
_Uh oh._

  
“….I can see where you get it from," she finished, suddenly aware that she might have said the wrong thing.

  
Ben narrowed his eyes. "What did you just say?”

  
 _Shit._ A little warning bell sounded in her head. 

  
The words tumbled out of her mouth in a rush as she attempted to soothe him. “Nothing, Ben. All I said was that Han is good-looking, and I see where you get it from..."

  
Ben settled back in his seat a bit, eyes locked on hers. “You think my father’s good-looking?”

  
“Yeah, so what? I’m not allowed to say that?” she huffed.

  
Ben glanced out the window then, giving her a chance to breathe.

“I didn’t like the way he was looking at you.”

  
The soft, girlish laugh that drifted from her lips did little to convince Ben that he was overreacting. “You’re being silly.”

  
His dark eyes flashed back to hers, and his voice was low and menacing. “You _know_ how I am, Rey.” 

  
She nodded. 

  
“You’re not going to change your mind about having sex tonight, are you?” he intoned. 

  
She bit her lip. He was clearly riled up and it never failed to turn her on.

“No."

  
“Good.” He tapped on the screen that separated Howie’s seat from the back of the car. “Howie?”

  
Howie glanced at him in the rearview. “Yeah, Ben?”

“The condo. Drive fast."

  
“Ben, wha-"

  
Before she could finish her thought, Ben cut her off with his lips—it was an urgent, hungry kiss, almost desperate. He caught her lower lip between his teeth, biting a bit harder than he normally would.

  
 _“Oww,_ ” she protested.

  
“Shh, listen to me kitten,” he said, and she immediately knew it was Kylo’s hot breath in her ear. She squirmed at the feeling, the heat of it sending streaks of lightning straight to her core. Ben pressed her hand against his clothed cock to show her how hard he was and she bit back a moan. 

“I’m going to make you come, _right here,_ and as soon as we get to the condo I’m going to take you upstairs and fuck you so hard you’ll forget your own name.”

  
Rey couldn’t speak. She swallowed hard. 

  
“That okay with you, kitten, hm?" His fathomless eyes burned into hers. 

  
“Yes, Kylo."

  
She did her best to control her mouth for Howie’s sake, as Ben roughly slid his fingers under her skirt and into her panties, where she was already sopping wet. He nudged her thighs open farther with one big hand, as the other drew circles on her clit. After their long separation, the heat of jealousy, of anger, and the struggle of waiting, sweet relief was overdue. 

  
Ben knew her body well by now, knew just how to get her to the edge and bring her over. He crooned into her ear calmly as his fingers ravaged her. The coil was tightening, ready to break. 

  
“Who do you belong to, Rey?” Kylo asked.

  
“You,” she whispered.

  
“Who gets to touch you, to taste you, to _fuck you?”_

  
“Only you, B—Kylo,” she moaned.

  
He rumbled his approval deep in his chest. “Good girl.”

  
Rey came, her body shaking with the force of it, biting down on her hand to silence herself. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Jealous," Nick Jonas. Sony Music, 2014


	22. Your Love is King

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Your love is king, crown you in my heart  
> Your love is king, never need to part  
> Your kisses ring, round and round and round my head  
> Touching the very heart of me, making my soul sing  
> Tearing the very heart of me, I'm crying out for more"

Rey stood behind Ben--now Kylo-- as he calmly slid the key into the door. Her heart was already pounding when she heard the lock click open.

They’d been a couple for four months, altough it always seemed so much longer to Rey. She had experienced Ben’s dark side, of course, but his mood tonight seemed darker, more intense. Despite the dangerous edge in his voice, in his eyes, she was extremely turned on.

Maybe it wasn’t in spite of it. Maybe it was _because_ of it.

The thud of the door closing echoed through the loft. Kylo tossed his keys on the table.

“Go to the bedroom, Kitten.” His tone was low and soft, but the tension in his voice was unmistakable.

Rey swallowed heavily and did as she was told.

She stood in the center of the room, mostly empty except for a bunch of boxes, many still sealed; some bags, a dresser, and the brand new, king-sized Leesa mattress on the floor. She’d helped him make it up before they left for dinner. _Everything_ was brand new: the sheets, the pillows, even the quilt. Pristine.

Kylo loomed in the doorway, a massive silhouette. Except for the streetlights casting a soft glow from the window, the room was dark. Apparently, setting up lamps had not been a priority.

He stood motionless for a moment, looking at Rey through the darkness. When he cut on the overhead light, she squinted. 

“I hate fucking flourescents,” he muttered. “Gonna get something new installed.” He tilted his head to the side, his expression inscrutable. “Take off your clothes, Kitten.”

Just the way he called her that made her shiver.

_Kitten._

Kylo walked to the dresser, his back to her briefly as he rummaged through the top drawer for something. When he turned, she caught the flash of something pink bundled in one hand. He clicked a small lantern on before turning to her expectantly. 

Rey wore only in her lacy black bra and panties. Kylo’s gaze locked on her as she sat on the mattress and slid her panties off and then the bra, with deliberate slowness, just for him. When she was fully nude, she sat back on her heels, showing herself to him. The barest hint of a smile tugged at his lips.

“Good girl,” he praised. "Look at you. You're a work of art."

She wondered how long she'd have to wait until he touched her.

Kylo moved slowly back to the light switch and flicked it off. The glow of the lantern was much softer than the overhead, and Rey was grateful for it.

He walked over and stood beside the mattress. “Lie on your stomach, kitten.”

Once she was stretched out on her belly, Kylo lowered himself to a crouch beside her. He ran a finger straight down between her shoulder blades, sending sparks down her spine.

“Hands above your head, sweetheart. Wrists together.”

When she was in position, he looped the ribbon around her wrists and knotted it with the dexterity of someone who had done this many times before.

“How’s that? Not too tight?”

Rey murmured a soft _no,_ her belly aflutter. 

Ben had never bound her before.

“Pick a safe word,” he said, his voice like velvet in her ear.

She bit her lip. “Do I really need one?”

He paused. “You might.”

Rey sucked in a breath.

“Make sure it’s not something that could come up randomly,” he advised.

She nodded. “Camera.”

“Camera it is. Keep your head down.”

Rey heard the rustling of clothes and a zipper as he undressed. She realized that she wouldn’t be able to touch him, and that thought dismayed her. She loved to touch Ben’s body while they were making love, but this time was going to be different.

“Raise up on your knees and elbows,” he ordered quietly. 

Rey did her best to be graceful as she shifted position and got on her knees, bound wrists in front of her, tush in the air. Kylo lovingly caressed her ass, stroking slowly before opening her more, pushing her cheeks apart and Rey knew he was looking at her pussy in the dim light. She was very wet, and the thought of him looking at her that way made her blush and want to squirm away.

“Your pussy is beautiful, do you know that?” he slid a finger between her folds--soft, delicate--and began stroking into her wetness. Rey couldn’t do much more than whimper.

His voice calm and mellifluous as if he were reciting poetry. 

“It’s so beautiful, I’d like to have a photo of it…a giant close up of your glistening pussy, pink and wet, the way it looks right now, framed. But we'd have to hang it where only you and I could see it, because no one else gets to see that part of you. Isn’t that right, Kitten?”

He was stroking her labia, teasing the area around her clit and brushing against it but never staying long enough to give her what she needed. Rey moaned in frustration. 

Abruptly, he moved his hand away. 

"I asked you a question," he rumbled sharply.

"Yes, Kylo. Only you."

“Good. Count," he rasped. She knew what was coming next but had no time to prepare herself before Kylo’s hand landed on her ass, _hard_ , and she let out a little squeak.

"One."

He hummed his approval. 

Another smack. “Two," she grit out.

Rey pressed her lips together, tightening her muscles in anticipation of the next one. It stung more than the first two, the bite of it fade into a pleasurable burn that sent tingles to her core. She let out a moan, just barely managing a shaky, “three.”

“So good, look how _good_ you are." His breath was slightly ragged. "Ready for the next one?”

Rey steeled herself. "Yes, Kylo. Please."

At five, he paused to rub her ass gently. “You should see how red you are right now,” he murmured in awe. “Just beautiful.”

Rey felt his fingers worm their way back inside her and she gripped down on them instinctively, clenching her muscles around him. He crooked his fingers inside her, reaching for her G-spot and she whined. The stimulation was almost too much. 

Kylo was painfully hard, but he could wait a little longer. It wouldn't be long now.

“Fucking _hell,_ Rey,” he whispered. “You’re dripping.”

The next moment she felt his tongue work its way between her lips, tasting her, drinking up her juices. She couldn’t contain the noises coming out of her now and she didn’t try. She was spiraling closer and closer, almost there, and he seemed to know it. He knew just when she was close, somehow he _always_ knew. She was about to come when he stopped again.

She let out a frustrated groan. _“Please…”_

  
“Please _what,_ Rey? Use your words.” She heard the smugness in his voice but she no longer cared.   


“Kylo….please, fuck me.”

  
“That’s better."

  
He tugged her ass a bit higher and positioned himself at her opening. He slid into her with one rough thrust, her ragged moan answering his. 

"Who does this pussy belong to, Rey?" He slid out of her slowly and then plunged back in. _"Who?"_

"Kylo," she panted.

"That's right. Good girl."

He started fucking her at a punishing pace then, Rey's body jolting with each thrust as she surrendered to the feeling of fullness he gave her. After such a long wait, he wasn't going to last. His fingers found their way to her clit and started to rub, making sure she came with him. Rey's eyes rolled back in her head as the pleasure escalated, coiling tighter.

"You gonna come for me, baby? Squeeze me nice and tight? Wanna feel you come on my cock."

" _Mmm yesss...oh god oh god_..." she babbled as her climax took her over, whole body tensing with it. The feel of her clenching, milking his cock brought him over the edge, too. 

She heard him call her name and his body spasmed before he collapsed on top of her. 

Blissed out and boneless, Rey drifted off to sleep for a few moments. She awoke when she felt Ben untying the knot to free her hands, kissing each of her wrists in turn. When Ben moved his weight off of her, she rolled to one side and looked up at him.

"I love you, so much," she said. 

Ben leaned down and caught her lips in a soft kiss. "I love you too, baby. Get some sleep. We have a lot to do tomorrow."

++

When Rey woke, it was almost seven thirty. She was tempted to stay and cuddle Ben but decided to run out to the deli downstairs for coffee and breakfast. She knew he'd be hungry when he woke and they hadn't had a chance to stock the fridge yet.

When she got back a good twenty minutes later, Ben was up. He gave her a sheepish smile as she walked over with his coffee. 

"Thanks, babe," he said. "You're the greatest."

Rey smiled and sat by him on the bed. "I got you an egg sandwich. Guess we need to go food shopping, huh?"

He nodded. "Among other things." He eyed her as she sipped her coffee. "Was that okay, last night? It wasn't too much, was it?"

"No. I liked it." She smiled slyly.

Ben sighed. "I just needed to release some pent up emotion, that's all. I didn't want to hurt you, it's been a lot lately, since I got back. With the concert and all that other shit."

That _other shit_ being Zorrie. Rey knew exactly what he meant but there was no need to bring it up. They'd put that issue to bed and she'd be happy never to bring it up again.

Rey bit her lip. "I wouldn't object if you wanted to do it again."

Ben chuckled. "That's good to know." 

They were quiet again for a minute.   
  


"I want you to tell me about you and your parents, Ben. It's time."

He nodded. "You're right. Can I tell you while we eat?"

She grinned. 

Since the kitchen table had yet to arrive, they sat on the mattress. Ben tore into his egg sandwich like he hadn't eaten in days. Rey watched him patiently, adoringly, as she scooped up her yogurt.

When he had finished eating, finally sated, he looked into the middle distance.

"They were just never around. Leia was always off doing 'senator' shit. And Han was off doing.....whatever he did," Ben bit out. "Always on the move. Never home long enough to spend time with his family. Not after I was twelve, anyway."

It was clear to Rey that his pain was still very fresh. 

"When I was fourteen, I went to stay with Luke, and he started my musical education. But there was a lot of tension there, too. He had trouble letting me express myself. It was all about control." He sighed and she grasped his hands in her smaller ones and smoothed them. "I haven't spoken to him in years. He's become a recluse, only does studio work. But I owe my career to him, really."

Rey frowned. "No, you don't. Your talent is your own."

He gave a small shrug and sipped his coffee.

"Ben, I know what it's like to need a support system and not have it." Her eyes searched his. "But not anymore."

She kissed his fingers and felt him wither, finally letting go of his anger.

"I've always felt alone, before you, Rey. All these people around me..." he shook his head. "They don't _know_ me."

"You're not alone," she said. "You have me. I'm all yours."

I'm yours too, babe. You're stuck with me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Your Love is King," Sade Abu and Stuart Mattewman. Diamond Life, 1984


	23. And Doggy Makes Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a day of shopping for their new place, Ben surprises Rey with a visit to a local animal shelter.
> 
> Leia invites Rey to have lunch with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When considering a new pet, please ADOPT, don't SHOP. 
> 
> There are so many wonderful dogs and cats, of all breeds and all ages, available for adoption. To sweeten the deal, most shelters and rescues will include the cost of vaccinations, and in some cases, spay/neuter. :)

Rey and Ben emerged from ABC Carpet and Home store, each with bags under their arms. They had just selected and ordered rugs and furniture for the bedroom and living room of the new condo. This was after stopping in several other home furnishing stores in Soho and Chelsea, and Rey was _done._

She’d never been a person who loved to shop, even when she had money to buy something specific. Rey much preferred online shopping, but Ben had convinced her that they’d need to see furnishings up close. He hadn’t seemed particularly bothered with the prospect of being recogniized, and for the most part their afternoon had been surprisingly uneventful—he’d only been stopped once for an autograph. Rey supposed the fact that so many celebrities inhabited this part of town had something to do with it. In Soho, rocker Ben Solo out shopping with his girlfriend on a Sunday afternoon wasn’t such an anomaly.

He opened the door for Rey, letting Howie stow their bags in the back. She slid in with a sigh and glanced up at him imploringly when he got in beside her.

“Can we go _home_ now?”

Ben stared at her for a moment with parted lips and then broke into a full smile, his eyebrows skating up.

“Wow. You think of it as home already. That’s amazing.”

Rey felt a rush of warmth. “I guess so. I mean, it won’t really be home ‘til you finish your tour and get back, and then we can really see what it’s like to live together. But—”

Ben leaned closer and pressed his forehead to hers. “No, I want you to think of it as your home. Because if I have my way, it will be. _Our_ home.”

He gave her a soft kiss.

“Mmm,” Rey sighed dreamily. "So…we _are_ done shopping, right?”

He chuckled. “Just one more stop. Howie,” he called, “you know where.”

Rey groaned. “No more stores, please, Ben.”

“Don’t worry. It’s not a store. Trust me, you’ll enjoy this.”

As they drove up Park Avenue, Ben scrolled through his phone, taking a quick look at his emails and messages. He was quiet for awhile and then laughed softly under his breath.

“Care to share?” Rey asked.

“Leia. She wants to meet you for lunch while I’m finishing the tour.” He glanced at her curiously. “You up for that?”

“Yeah,” she said. “I like your mother. She’s cool.”

“If you say so,” he snipped, prompting a light punch on the arm.

“Ben,” she scolded.

“Is it okay if I give her your number? I mean, she should have it for emergency purposes anyway.”

Rey frowned. She didn’t want to think about that.

“Yeah, fine. Give her my number. And text me hers.”

“Yes, baby. Fair warning, though. She’ll probably bug you about the photos….”

“Oh! Thanks for reminding me. I’ll send her copies of them tomorrow. And you, too.”

  
Ben huffed. “Well, how nice of you, _Miz artiste._ ”

As they approached Thirty-Eighth street, Ben pulled Rey close again and covered her eyes with a warm hand.

“It’s a surprise,” he insisted.

Once they were parked, he finally took his hand away. Rey looked up at the brick building and the sign in front: BIDE A WEE ANIMAL SHELTER. She glanced back at Ben.

“Really?” her eyes went round, the excitement radiating from her.

He nodded. “Remember, we talked about it? In the beginning? You said you’d always wanted a pet but none of your foster parents were keen on it.”

“I don’t believe it,” she breathed.

They wandered inside and were immediately introduced to one of the animal care experts, Angel, a bubbly, young Hispanic woman with plump cheeks that made her look even younger than she probably was.

“Dogs or cats?” she smiled.

Rey looked at Ben. “Well…”

“I thought you wanted a dog. But I’d be okay with a cat, too.”

Rey beamed. “Dogs first,” she agreed.

They walked past rows of dogs of all different sizes, shapes and colors. Predictably, most of them were agitated at being in a cage—some were loud and anxious, others quiet, like they had given up. Rey had never been to a shelter before, and she found her mood shifting quickly. A pit of dread grew in her stomach as she looked at them--so many of them. 

“What do you think?” Ben asked. “You have any particular type of dog in mind? Big, little…?"

“I like big, but medium would be better for the apartment I guess.”

“Okay. Any breed in mind?”

She shrugged, her eyes combing over the sea of sad, frustrated canine faces.

“I don’t know. I like Beagles,” she offered.

Ben turned to Angel. “Do you have any Beagles?”

“Hmm, not sure. There was a Beagle puppy, but I’m pretty sure he was adopted pretty fast. Did you want to see puppies?”

Rey pursed her lips and looked at Ben.

“Personally, I’d prefer an older dog. Puppies are cute but they’re a lot of work. Plus there are a lot of sweet older dogs that need a home.”

Angel smiled broadly. “Thank you for saying that. So glad you’re aware. Most people want puppies but there are a lot of benefits of adopting a mature dog.”

Rey nodded as they turned down another aisle. One pup in the middle cage, possibly a Dalmatian mix, was whining and leaping up and down— _pick me, pick me!!_ He was very cute but much larger than what Rey had in mind.

Ben reached over the edge of the guard and rubbed the dog’s ears.

“Hey, big guy! Yeah!”

“Please don’t do that,” Angel said sharply. “It gets them more excited and sometimes they nip.”

Ben moved his hand away regretfully. “Oh, sorry.”

In the very last cage, still as a statute, was a smallish, but adorable pup with a wiry coat that definitely needed some care. Rey walked closer and he looked up at her with big, sad eyes. Rey felt a twinge in her heart. 

“Ben.”

He moved closer and peered down at the pup with interest. “And just who do we have _here?”_ he grinned. 

“The tag says Chewie.”

Ben hummed. “That’s funny. Chewie was the name of the dog I grew up with. He died when I was 15. Still haven’t gotten over it.”

He waved Angel over to ask her some more questions about Chewie. She said he was about four years old, and had been at the shelter for more than a month. His original family couldn’t keep him for some reason and he was consistently overlooked, making him grow more despondent.

Rey gave Ben a _look,_ and he knew exactly what it meant.

“Hey Chewie,” he called to the pup. “Do you want to come home with us? Huh?”

Angel nodded. “He’s a sweetheart. Just needs some time to warm up. Do you want to spend some time with him in the play area?”

A little more than an hour later, Rey, Ben and Chewie left the shelter. He was small enough for her to carry, and when she picked him up, he melted into her chest.

Rey looked at Ben, her eyes shiny and he wondered if she was about to cry.

“I’m never putting him down,” she warbled.

They climbed into the limo with Chewie sitting between them. He was so calm, almost reserved. It broke Rey’s heart. Chewie had been abandoned by his family that he loved and he had no idea why. She knew what that was like.

“Now, we can go home,” Rey breezed. “I’m so happy! Thank you, baby.” She gave him a sloppy kiss.

“Yes, but we need dog food. And maybe some toys.”

Rey nodded. “For that, I’m happy to stop.”

Back at the condo, Ben busied himself emptying the bags, but Rey couldn’t stop playing with Chewie. 

  
“Pretty sure Chewie needs a bath, if he's gonna sleep on the bed. How often will he have to go out?” she asked. “This is all new to me.”

  
“I know. Usually twice a day, maybe three times. You’ll figure out a routine.”

  
Rey threw a fresh tennis ball for Chewie. He looked slightly puzzled at first, but then loped towards it.

  
“I think he’s a little depressed," she observed.

  
Ben nodded. “He definitely was. But he’ll be so much better now, especially with you fawning over him nonstop.” He cocked an eyebrow at her. “It’s almost enough to make me jealous,” he grinned. 

  
Rey shook her head. “Ben Solo, behave yourself. There’s enough of me to go around.” 

  
“There better be,” he said playfully. “I hate that I have to leave tomorrow. Fuck. Wish I could just hang around for another week and just play with Chewie," he sighed wistfully, and then his gaze grew heated. "And with _you."_

Rey bit her lip. "We can squeeze in some playtime tonight," she promised.

  
The Knights tour was resuming Monday as scheduled. Next night would be San Francisco, and then they’d move slowly back East for the last leg, ending up in Philly two days before Thanksgiving. That meant two more months away.

Rey had been trying not to think about it all weekend.

  
“Well, at least I know you’ll have Chewie here to keep you company while I'm on the road.”

  
“Oh, yeah. So true.” She snatched Chewie up from the ground and held him against her chest, kissing his nose. The little dog licked her cheek and Rey squealed. 

  
“Who’s a good boy? Who’s my _good_ _boy?”_ she sang, nuzzling his chest before finally setting him back down with a satisfied smile. When she looked up at Ben, he was staring at her with wide eyes. 

  
“I thought _I was_ your good boy.”

  
Rey chuckled. “We’ll see about that.”

  
“Hmm. Is it weird that I find that hot?” he smirked.

++

By Wednesday, with Ben back on tour on the West Coast, Rey got a call from Leia, inviting her to lunch. Leia wanted to take her to a place further uptown, too far from the gallery downtown to get to on a lunch break. So they agreed to meet that Saturday. 

Rey arrived early for her lunch date. She stood just in front of _Serafina’s Osteria_ , waiting anxiously, nearly wringing her hands. There was no real reason to be nervous, of course. From what Ben said, Leia already loved her. Maybe it was just the prospect of seeing herself through Leia’s eyes, as her son’s girlfriend, and maybe even future wife. 

Rey tried not to think about that. 

  
Climbing out of a cab, Leia appeared beside Rey, the picture of elegance in a navy blue linen shift with white blazer. Rey was again struck by her confidence and poise. She a wasn't more than 5’3”, yet she had a _presence_ , and although the years had added pounds and wrinkles, every time Rey looked at her , she was bowled over. Leia was a Senator, an accomplished woman, who also happened to be the mother of her boyfriend…her brilliant, sexy _rock star boyfriend._ The more Rey thought about it, the more intimidating the whole thing became, so she tried as much as possible to live in the moment.

  
“Hello, my love, how are you?” Leia gushed, kissing both Rey’s cheeks in the European style. 

  
“I’m-I’m good,” Rey responded, teetering precariously on her heels. She was still not accustomed to wearing anything over two inches. It was the reason she rarely wore heels: they made her feel like a newborn fawn.

  
Once they were seated, and Rey had removed her black linen jacket, Leia looked her up and down with a little smile. 

  
“You look lovely, Rey.”

  
“Thanks.”

  
Leia picked up the menu and let her eyes roam over it quickly before setting it down. Her eyes met Rey’s. “I’m so happy you were willing to meet me,” she said.

  
“Why wouldn’t I be?” Rey asked in all innocence.

  
Leia laughed softly. “Well, you know. It’s not always easy to meet your partner’s parents.” She grinned conspiratorily. “I still remember what that was like with Han’s parents.” She rolled her eyes comically. 

  
Just then, a waiter appeared at her side. “Oh dear, Rey you haven’t even looked at the menu yet. But we can get drinks. Would you like something?"

Rey hesitated; it was 1:30 in the afternoon. “Might be a bit early,” she said.

  
“Really? Oh, my goodness, how do you put up with my son?” She chuckled. Leia immediately sensed Rey’s discomfort and put her at ease. “It’s fine. Have whatever you want. I’m having a glass of rose. It’s five o’clock somewhere, damnit.”

  
Rey laughed softly and in that instant, decided to live dangerously. When in Rome….

  
“You know what? I will, too.”  
  
A short time later, they clinked glasses.

"To a happy future," Leia sang out, and Rey couldn’t help but smile at that. 

  
They sipped and Leia’s demeanor shifted. “Rey, listen. I want you to know that Ben has never brought any woman to meet us this way. Oh, yes—we met Zorrie, and a few others. But this…” she shook her head. “This is different. _You_ are different, and he is different with you. And it’s good…it’s very good.”

  
Rey released a heavy breath. 

  
“Well, I love him…a lot.”

  
Leia nodded. “I know. I see it. And that’s why I wanted to talk to you, share some things with you that Ben wouldn’t share himself.”

  
Rey was immediately on guard, and Leia noticed her tensing. “Nothing like what you're thinking. But you should understand, because I see a future for you two.”

  
Rey swallowed, a pulse of excitement stirring inside her. She smiled. “I do, too.”

  
“I want you to know why Ben and his father are at odds. And more about my brother.”

  
“Luke?”

“Yes.”

“He credits Luke with….starting his career.”

  
“Well, in a way, he did. Luke taught Ben a great deal about music. Problem is, just because you’re good at something, doesn’t mean you can teach it well.”

  
Rey pondered her words and nodded.

  
“You know, that old statement about how ‘those who can’t do, teach,’ is a load of horse manure. I know that and you know that.”

  
Rey nodded again.

  
“Teaching isn’t only about _knowing_ facts, or knowing a process. To be a good teacher, you have to be able to know your students and put their needs before your own.” She sighed dramatically. “My brother, much as I love him, wasn’t able to do that.”

  
Rey was beginning to get the picture. She waited with baited breath as Leia took a sip of her pink wine. 

  
“Luke is a purist. With blues and jazz, those are his areas of expertise. So when he was training my son, who naturally, at seventeen years old, wanted to branch out and play other things, rock and roll, punk---Luke was not encouraging. He's brilliant, of course, but my brother's always been a _my-way-or-the-highway_ type of person. And Ben took it very personally. That was the beginning of the rift that separated them."

  
Rey sighed. It was all starting to make sense. 

“What about Han?”  
  
“Oh, his father knows nothing about music. I mean, he appreciates it, but he couldn’t play an instrument to save his life,” she chuckled. “Han was always into his own things. He was always traveling, worked as an importer-- he was always dabbling in one thing or another, and between you and me, they weren't all legal." She shook her head, gave Rey a wink and took another sip of wine.

  
“I get it," Rey said softly.

  
“Okay. Well, one of the reasons why I brought you to this location is because it’s so close to Tiffany's. And Rey, I want your opinion. A good friend of mine is trying to choose the right ring for her upcoming engagement. I thought maybe we could wander around the store, look at things, yes?”

  
Rey licked her lips. “Well, to be honest, I know nothing about diamonds.”

  
Leia smiled. “That’s okay, sweetie. I’m just asking for your opinion. What you like. You can do that, right?”

  
Indeed, she could. 


	24. Here Comes My Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I catch myself wondering, waiting, worrying  
> About some silly little things that don't add up to nothing
> 
> And then she looks me in the eye,  
> Says 'We're gonna last forever'  
> And man you know I can't begin to doubt it  
> Cause it just feels so good, and so free and so right  
> I know we ain't never gonna change our minds about it  
> Hey!
> 
> Here comes my girl  
> here comes my girl  
> And she looks so right  
> She is all I need tonight"

[listen to "Here Comes My Girl" ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4nPa35CZPI)

Toledo, Ohio 3:25 pm

The band was on break from rehearsal in Toledo when Ben’s phone lit up. He smiled to himself, thinking it was probably Rey, but then he saw it was from Leia. He clicked on the message: there were two photos attached.

LEIA: Hi sweetheart, I’ve narrowed it down to one of these two. You might want to check in with one of her friends to see what they think as well.  
She really is gem herself, in every way. You know my thoughts on proposing but I trust you to follow your heart and good things will follow. xx

Ben stared at the rings. The first one was a rather large, Emerald cut diamond with a white gold band. The other featured three stones side by side in a platinum setting. He thought the first one might be a bit too flashy for her simple tastes, but he couldn’t decide. So he did what any sensible boyfriend would do: he texted her best friend.

++

The Clayton Gallery, Soho, NY

Rose and Rey were going over some proofs of a new artist’s work when her phone pinged with a new message. Fortunately, Rey was focused on the contact sheet and didn’t look up.

BEN: Hey Rosie, Leia took Rey to lunch so they could talk rings. She just sent me these two as the best options. What do you think?

“Holy shit,” Rose muttered when she opened the first photo.

_That is a big fucking ring._

She glanced over at Rey, who looked up a moment later to meet her friend’s startled expression.

“What is it?” Rey frowned.

“Haha, nothing,” Rose shrugged happily, giving Rey a decidedly goofy grin.

Rey shook her head. “Why are you being weird, Rose?”

“Oh, you know,” she chuckled brightly. “That’s me. I’m weird.”

Rey’s eyebrows shot up and she let it go. “Yeah, okay. Really, though. I need you over here, whenever you happen to have a minute.”

“I know, I know. Just one more second. Have to reply to this _very important text_ ,” she said calmly, opening up the picture of the second ring. She knew right away, _that_ was the right one. It was perfect for Rey. She typed her reply as quickly as she could and sent it to Ben.

ROSE: Holy hyperspace, Solo! I can’t believe you’re springing this on me right now!! 🤩🤯  
But since your girl is right here, that can wait. Def the second one. The first is way too flashy, not her style.  
You need to CALL ME, you big freak!! 

Ben laughed as he read it. She only cemented what he felt in his gut. The first would overwhelm her, but the second would be just right.

He knew it was soon. They counted the beginning of their relationship back to the gallery show, when he flew in and surprised her. That was a scant five months ago. Complicating things, he’d been on tour so they’d spent a good amount of time apart. And then there was the Zorrie incident. But if anything, that experience only proved to Ben how much she meant to him.

He’d already had the discussion with Leia, when he first asked her to help him pick something for Rey.

“I know Rey’s a wonderful girl, but you don’t have to rush it. She’s not going anywhere. It hasn’t even been a year, honey.”

He knew his mother was right. Ben didn’t want to shock Rey or make her feel trapped. He thought about asking her at the end of the tour, in November, but he realized it would be smarter to give the two of them a chance to just live together for awhile. In their new apartment—with Chewie. So figuring out the timing was one thing. But as to the question of whether or not it was right?

Ben knew only two things: he knew he was born to play music, and he was born to be with Rey. Everything else was negotiable.

  
He shot Rose one more text.

BEN: Thanks Rosie. You're the BEST!! 🤘💯❤

++

Not ten minutes later, Rey’s phone rang. She glanced at it and her face lit up. 

  
“Let me guess,” Rose teased. “Loverboy?”

  
Rey smirked at her friend as she pressed the answer button.

  
“Hey, baby.”

  
Hearing his voice always made her heart flutter a little. “Hi, my love,” she sang. “Ready for tonight?”

  
“I am, now,” he chuckled. “Hearing your voice always fires me up before a show. You know that. How’s your day been? How’s Chewie?”

  
“He’s doing better. We met two new dogs on our lunchtime walk today,” she announced proudly. “Chewie went right up to them to sniff and make friends. He’s really building confidence.”   
  
“That’s great, sweetheart. I can’t wait to see you both. Which reminds me,” he started.

  
“Yeah?”

  
“I really want you to come to the November show in Montreal. It’s the last Saturday before Thanksgiving. It’s a beautiful city and we would have Sunday together. I’ll have Kay make all the arrangements, all you guys just have to do is show up.” 

  
“Really?”

  
“Yep, and we’ll book a pet-friendly hotel so you can bring Chewie, okay?”

  
“Oh my god, Ben! That would be amazing!!” Rey was forgetting herself, nearly jumping up and down. Rose watched her with wide eyes, laughing softly. Rey’s joy was contagious. 

  
Ben was grinning like a madman himself as he listened to her excited squeals. 

  
“Do you think Rose would want to come, too?”

  
Rey’s eyes shifted back to Rose, who was watching her with a big smile on her face. 

  
“I’m pretty sure the answer to that would be a positive,” she chuckled. 

  
“Okay, then put her on.”

  
Rey held her phone out to her friend, who was watching her with wide eyes. “He wants to speak to you.”

  
Rose bit her lip and took it. “Hey, rock star!”

  
Ben brushed off the nickname as always.

“Listen, Rosie. If there’s any chance you can do it, I want you to join us for the Montreal show on Nov. 20th. And you can bring your boyfriend, too. I forget his name.”

  
“Finn, “ Rose supplied helpfully.

  
“Right, Finn. And we’ll do the whole after-party thing, too. I told Rey I’d book her room and plane tickets and I’ll take care of yours as well. Because.... _you know..._ " he chuckled.

  
Rose beamed. “Yep. You _owe me,_ rock star,” she teased, eyes shining.

  
“I do,” he agreed. 

  
Ben knew damn well that if not for Rose, he probably would never have met Rey in the first place. If she hadn’t dragged Rey to a show that she normally wouldn’t have gone to, and made her go backstage, it never would have happened. 

  
“I’ll speak to Kay about this. And thanks again for your guidance.”

  
“Anything for you, Solo.”

  
“Okay. Put my baby back on the phone, please,” he chuckled. 

"Muah," Rose blurted before handing it back to Rey.

  
"I'm here," Rey sighed blissfully. 

  
“I gotta get back to rehearsal, but I’ll call you after the show, okay? Definitely before midnight.”

  
She squirmed where she stood, knowing what that meant. He always checked in after shows. Lots of times the conversations were very short, just to say good night and tell her he loved her. If he was on the west coast and it was really late, he would just text. But she could tell by his voice that he wanted to do the long-distance sex thing tonight. And she was definitely up for it, but she needed to get something else out of the way. 

  
“Wait, I have to tell you something."

  
“I’m all ears, Kitten.” She immediately pictured Ben and his ears that stuck out significantly. They were the parts of his body he was most self-conscious about, and the ones she found most endearing. Ben was so handsome and his body was so impressive, it was almost a relief knowing he had at least one feature that made him feel insecure. But she truly loved his ears. 

  
“I got a call from Oola at Rolling Stone. She was wondering if I might want to write a short piece about you to run with the pictorial in December. Something personal. And then maybe, down the road, an interview with the band.”

  
Ben stood frozen as she spoke and his mouth dropped open. It took him a minute to respond.

“Shit. Of course, you should do it!”

  
Rey crinkled her nose. “Really? I mean, obviously, I wouldn’t share anything too personal, but..."

  
Ben went quiet for a minute. “I trust you, but I’m not a solo act. See if they’ll agree to the photos this time around, and maybe a _small_ blurb. And then if they want to interview the whole band down the line, you can do the shoot.”

  
Rey barked a laugh. “That sounds great, but wouldn’t you rather have Annie Leibovitz do it? I mean, I wouldn’t take offense if you did.” 

  
Ben hummed as he pondered the option. “Yeah, she’s good,” he admitted.

  
“Come on, Ben. She’s legendary.”

  
A smile crept across his face. “But I think you will be too, someday. Who’s to say?”

  
Rey laughed softly under her breath. “Well, it certainly is nice to think about. Thanks for trusting me, love,” she said. 

  
“I’d be a fool not to. You're way smarter than me."

Rey chortled, but her insides lit up at his praise.

  
“Have a good show! Talk later.” 

  
“Be good, baby,” he purred.

  
As soon as she hung up, Rey gave Rose a smug smile. 

  
“Free tickets to see Kylo and the KOR, anyone? In Montreal?” she breezed.

  
Rose shook her head in disbelief. “Finn is going to have a coronary when I tell him.”

++

  
It was close to 11:30 when Rey’s _Galaxy Wars_ ringtone started up. She was all prepared for her man, freshly showered and sporting a new baby doll nightie from Victoria’s Secret. It was a sheer, mint green affair, and she knew Ben would like the way it showed off her pink nipples. As she lay in bed waiting for his call, she was already so excited she hadn’t been able to resist touching herself. 

  
The iphone was new; Ben had bought if for specifically so that they could Facetime. When she answered, she was already quite worked up and on the verge of coming.

  
“Hey baby. Where are you?” she panted.

  
“Just got off the elevator. I’ll be in my room in 15 seconds.”

  
“How was the show?” she asked a bit breathlessly.

  
Ben narrowed his eyes just a bit. “It went well,” he said, and immediately shifted gears. “Why do you sound so out of breath?” He asked, knowing damn well why.

  
“Mmm, I’ve been thinking about you,” she breathed.

  
“Fuck,” he muttered under his breath as he swiped the card in the key slot and opened the door as quickly as he could. He was hard already and completely ready to get naked for her. 

  
“I’m inside now, baby. Talk to me. You thinking about me?”

  
"Yes. Your hands....all over me. And your dick....inside me." She moaned, and the sound went straight to his cock. Her cheeks were flushed, her hair spread out on the pillow like a halo as she looked into the camera. 

  
“You look so good right now,” he murmured. “Tell me the truth, baby. You been touching yourself?” 

  
She played it up, biting her lip flirtatiously. “I have something to show you, too.”

  
“Well come on, baby, don’t tease me. Wanna see.”

  
Ben’s eyes went wide as she pulled the covers down and tilted the phone so he could see the nightie. The cups pushed her small breasts up and out, creating cleavage. The fabric was so sheer he could glimpse every inch of her body, especially her pink nipples, straining against the fabric. He couldn’t stop the groan that rose in his throat.

  
“That’s real pretty, babe. Did you get that for me? I love it.”

  
Rey giggled softly. “No, I got it for the postman. _Of course_ , it’s for you, idiot.”

  
“Kylo,” he corrected her, his eyes darkening.

  
Oh, so it was like _that._

  
“Mmm, _yes Kylo,_ ” she said softly, playing along.

  
“Why don’t you show me what you were doing, Kitten? Before you picked up the phone.”

  
She licked her lips, knowing it drove him to distraction, and she slowly lifted the hem of the nightie, exposing her slope of her nearly flat belly and below it, the neat triangle of dark hair at the apex of her thighs. 

  
Ben was already halfway out of his clothes as he watched her, his cock aching now.

  
“Oh, yeah. That’s right. Hold the phone down a little closer, Kitten,” he said slowly. So I can get a better look. Are you wet for me?”

  
“Yeah, I am. Very."

  
“Show me,” he growled. 

  
Rey shifted, spreading her legs and angling the camera lower on her body to focus on her wet cunt. She heard Ben’s loud exhale that turned into a moan. 

  
“Fuck, baby. Show me what you were doing,” he ordered.

  
She ran a finger slowly down her wet slit and then back up, gathering moisture. When she looked back at the phone, Ben’s expression was pained. 

  
“I wish I could taste you, sweetheart.” She saw a flash of movement in the lower corner of the screen and she knew he was stroking himself. “Keep going. Think about my mouth on your clit. And keep your eyes on me, baby. I want to see you come.”

_'"Benn.."_

"Taste yourself. I want to watch."

He continued with step by instructions of how she should touch herself, reveling in every moan, every shift of expression that showed she was getting closer and closer. Somehow, they managed to come almost at the same time, the distance between them melting away.

After, they lay in their separate beds, boneless and drowsy. Feeling connected. 

"Can't wait til November," Rey sighed. It was less than a month away. 

"We'll make up for lost time," he promised. "I love you, baby."

"Love you too, Ben."   
,   
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Here Comes My Girl," Tom Petty, Michael Campbell. Damn The Torpedoes, Universal Music. 1979


End file.
